tIME dWINDLER

2011-01-09T23:06:00.000+08:00

If anyone deserves to die, its us, horrible, scary, scheming beings. Us, devious and selfish adults.

Why should so many of them- innocent, guileless and happy- have to leave in such a manner

Cold. And its not just the weather..

so long, farewell

2011-01-02T20:59:00.000+08:00

good bye 2010, hello 2011..
is this for real?!

One thing that has been bothering me... managing friendships and relationships
Unbelievable, given the superglue status we seemed to be in, I was actually given grief for not being the first one to sms during his birthday, taking time to reply sms...

never been able to reply promptly.. procrastination? Word-finding difficulty?
By the time i thought of something, it seemed too late to reply... and must find approproriate time as well- is the person asleep? is the person awake? etc...

and never really taken the liberty to organise gatherings and meet-up...
granted, the 2 years of tentative time-table (we seldom know the lectures for the following week, and we should always expect the unexpected- eg. they could email us on monday and want us to submit our thesis copies by wednesday- only 60 pages of everything x 4)
I apologise for my bad bad bad habit.
But i just couldn't rid of this habit...
I think i still belong to that era where we didn't have emails, pagers or handphones. If we're not at home, we're not at home. You can't contact me until i'm at home, coz there's only the home phone. And even if I'm at home, I could be in the loo, i could be sleeping. COntacting someone whenever one pleases was not expected...

I think being uncontactable is still too desirable sometimes... for me, at least

SOmehow, will always feel that the meeting place and time is screwed up, its not the best arrangement, or i fail to do something correct. Or if the food is sucky or place is boring, i'll feel bad .. and not be able to enjoy the company of my friends. I'll be constantly worrying if everyone is ok, if the place was a stupid choice etc... too much pressure.
maybe that's how i unconsciously avoid initiating gatherings
maybe that's why the gatherings i attempt to organise end up in shambles
maybe its a vicious cycle- i organise so rarely that i dunno how to organise a successful gathering
maybe its a talent one is born with?
maybe there's not such thing as a successful gathering?
i'm just thinking too much and considering too much and feeling too responsible for things that are not within control..? or are they?

Urgh. Guess bottom line is.. i am really adverse to organising stuff... i'd rather put up with food i'm not wild about than worry about whether the place i recommended is well-received.

Just like at Ubin- couldn't sleep as i was trying hard not too move.. until i selfishly relegated myself to the mattress on the floor...

Just tea at MOF with fav the other day. I wanted to offer the chair to a stranger so that the seating arrangement at the other table is more balanced...
Its nothing in particular, i just feel, if that person/group can feel more comfortable, why not......

what's wrong with me, why do i have to care whether other pple are comfortable? Friends and family maybe.. but strangers too?!

I have no idea how to explain it but think something is warped within the system...
i should be focusing more energies on pple who really matter...

Wait 2011.. i haven't had time to think what i want to do!
On the one hand, i want to spend time with friends whom i'll probably seldom get to see once work start...
yet at the same time, i need to be alone...

1 fake gemini. that's for sure.

reputation and preconception

2010-12-01T00:49:00.000+08:00

Because of her reputation, finger is pointed at her without a second thought.

Just because there were no tears, no frowns... it was not until in retrospect, that I realise how much it must have hurt.

Just because of the bigger scheme of things, no one would care to prioritize the indignance of the misunderstood individual.

... sorry for asking that you wait, and take a back seat.

Religion- something that should bring peace and comfort. But why did it bring about strife and tears in relationships.

Look beyond reputation pls...
Preconception and assumptions.
Such enemies

2010-09-27T21:26:00.001+08:00

Watched this documentary on Gothic cathedrals in France on SCV. Buildings made of stones in the past had tiny doorways, so as to support the weight of the entire building. Gothic architecture, however, revolutionized that.
Gothic architecture has three distinct characteristics which set it apart from Romanesque:
1. pointed arches
2. flying buttresses
3. ribbed vault
These developments allowed the architects to make the church much larger, higher and brighter. By transferring the weight of the ceilings outward thrust to the flying buttresses, they were now able to place huge stain glass windows in the walls which allowed the once dim Romanesque Cathedral to be transformed into a a bright Gothic Cathedral.
Sorry for the extra information... but i am really awestruck by how comprehensive the documentary was... so much so that even someone who has zilch knowledege about architecture could be so fascinated...

Our ancestors are amazing.. they have no sophisticated tools, but are able to construct such grand and beautiful buildings.
Our counterparts are equally amazing... inventing high-tech systems to deduce what our ancestors did and solve mysteries of the past...
Guess, the bottomline is, there are so so SO many things to learn about in this world... and that i'll never look at the cathedrals the same way again.
If only I can get to see them with my own eyes. Soon, I hope.

In retrospect.

2010-09-26T23:44:00.000+08:00

Somehow, there's more opportunities to be contemplative during jogging... which is getting shorter- 20 mins, and i'm gone.
Thought about the placement starting Tuesday, which led to thoughts of what kind of learner i am...

In Retrospect- to look back in thought; refer back and reflect...
That's supposedly me, according to me.

To my horror, it struck me that it might not just be a personality thing, something i can simply brush off and declare that i shall remain 'retrospective' simply because "that's the way i am"...

It seems like underneath the ice-berg, there's more...

Does 'in retrospect' imply "more time to think of excuses later on"?

oh well.. too long to elaborate.

AND...!

2010-08-06T00:14:00.000+08:00

And i watched 2 movies too! (at home that is)

An Education and Cashback (been wanting to watch that forever)

I think I'm the best bummer ever.

books and musings

2010-08-06T00:00:00.001+08:00

Just read 2 books over the week-
1. The Sugar Queen by Sarah Addison Allen
2. Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress by Dai Sijie

Enjoyable reads, expecially when it meant i didn't have to do my essay.
Looking forward to Norwegian Woods. (Never knew that it was a song)

Sometimes I get a little anxious knowing that there are millions of books I've never read and those zillions of songs and music i would never get to listen to. Not forgetting the vast lands and seas I'd never set foot on.

How much can we do in one lifetime...?

Fire.

2010-07-25T20:50:00.001+08:00

6am in the morning.
Awakened by frantic calls of "help help! XXXXXX!"
Initially thought that there was a fight going on. Sat up and looked outside the window, to slightly burnt smell. Saw an uncle at the opposite block looking out. Nothing else out of the ordinary...Alarm bells rang in my head.. only slightly.
Just about to venture back to sleep when i heard the house phone ring.
THen, i knew for sure that something was up.
It was my uncle, calling my mom to tell her that our block is on fire.
Everyone hopped out of bed, but not to escape- more of to get up so that we could go downstairs to see what was going on.
Dad even went to brush his teeth, and mom changed her shorts. I called out to them to wait for me so that we could go downstairs together while i sauntered to the loo.
Suddenly, frantic calls from dad asking me to hurry... "come out now NOW NOW"
I dashed out of the loo ( i did wash my hands) and to the front door. Pandemonium- a policeman was urging us to leave our flats immediately plus neighbours streaming out of the door.
Fresh-breath dad (sigh, foul-mouth me) had already quickly grabbed a torchlight, car keys and keys to the house. All of us made our way downstairs, knocking on every door, calling the other neighbours to flee.

WHen we reached the carpark, we saw flames flickering at the 11th storey in the middle block. Someone was standing at the window, waving a cream towel and shouting for help. Firemen, policemen and the ambulance had arrived at the scene. Rescue had take place. Fortuntely, the firemen put out the fire fairly quickly and everyone was safe and sound.

Am grateful that no one was hurt in the fire, but certainly many lessons to be learnt...
It was ironic that it would take a crisis before we (or at least I) get to see faces i have never seen before despite living in the same block. Most of us were decked in grubby t-shirts and shorts, with hair touseled, just roused from sleep. Some more prepared neighbours, however, had handphones and cameras ready to snap any action.
RUmors were rife, and everyone was speculating the cause, which units were involved, who stayed in those units etc... information was shared freely among the neighbours and everyone was like friends... for that one hour plus at the carpark.
It was almost like a mini-kampong, right at the carpark...
The famous Chinese saying ("far water"' and "near fire") had never been more appropriate... If not for people at the opposite block/bus-stop who saw the smoke and called the fire department, we might all be burnt to death in our sleep.

ANyway.. also had no electricity for about 8 hours, plus sooty weird-tasting water from the taps.
Made me realised how spoilt and dependent we are on electricity and technology.
Very ashamed. But that didn't stop me from being really happy to have the lights, fans and internet back on.
Kudos to the firemen for their efficiency and to the foreign workers who worked tirelessly to restore electricity before night falls. Thank you!

Oh well... i think this mini disaster made us bond for a little while. I think i would be more friendly towards the neighbours in the future... afterall, our fates are tightly woven together... to put it crudely.. "if you can't escape, neither can i"
But BUT BUT! To end off on a positive note: we will definitely help one another in times of crisis. Yes. definitely. And after this incident, i think we'll all be more equipped and prepared...

history

2010-07-25T20:10:00.000+08:00

i love history.

the unexplainable swell of excitement and exhilaration sometimes, when reading about some event that happened eons ago...

Just met up with some old friends from the sec school choir, doing what we used to do alot- just hang out..and hum... and rot...and laugh over bits and pieces of memories...

Each of us seem to hold different memories of the past. And when together, we piece together an enormous quilt of entirety... a complete story of our shared past...

Realised that no matter how much each of us has changed over the decade (golly..)
one thing will never change- our shared history.
Treasured.

Contentment can really be very simple.

Madness.

2010-06-24T11:59:00.000+08:00

Mad mad rush to complete data collection.
Classic example of how procrastination is NOT the way to go.
Though findings are interesting... having to speak non-stop for 5 hours, and in Mandarin is more draining than I thought.

Doesn't help that school is starting next week...
I need to NOT talk.

HORRORS

A streetcreed named denial

2010-06-14T21:59:00.016+08:00

Somewhere, the popular belief says
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
Somewhere, the psychologists claim:
Talk about your pain, face the music, vent it all.

And psychologists, are not to be defied, denied, or denounced.

However, somewhere, a group of dissidents proposed that denial is the way to go.

And so a heated argument began, on that fateful day in that quaint little pub on the hill.

"Denial!?" Sharp astonished gasps emerged and murmurings soon filled the room.

A group of psychologists sniggered and turned their elegant educated noses up at this blasphemous suggestion.

The omniscient (self-proclaimed, if i may add) psychologist step in and declared, in his all-knowing crisp voice:
"Denial is an unconscious defense mechanism characterized by refusal to acknowledge painful realities, thoughts, or feelings. Hence, it is not healthy for an individual to embrace it"
(Fortunately for him, there was wi-fi and he managed to gain access in time, to dicionary.com via his lovely diamond-crusted iphone)

Denialists, afraid to offend the psychologists, bowed their heads together and began to discuss fervently. One suddenly called out: "Why poke at a gaping wound? Why would one want to worsen the pain?"
The impressed denialists cheered and everyone enthusiastically patted the brave speaker on his back.

"But you're not learning to cope with it! Its cowardice! You're running away from the problem. You MUST follow our way" The psychologists screamed in indignance.

The second brave denialist who was miffed by his pompous counterparts, retorted zealously,
"Are you sure that facing one's worst fears is the best? By grabbing the bulls by the horns... are you sure we won't be gored to death by the furious bull and be reduced to a bloody mess?" (The first brave speaker,as you would have guessed, was still nursing his back, which received myriad passionate pats)

"That's how we all learn to grow. It is not easy, but its the best way to go!" A saccharine voice rang out encouragingly. This psychologist blinked her bambi-eyes earnestly, eager to win over the hearts and minds of the defiant denialists.

"I have heard enough!"(and frankly, so have I) declared the third brave denialist. (the second brave speaker, you might not be able to guess, was still trembling, trying to recover from his impassioned outburst)
"We have decided that DENIAL is for us, and we shall hear no more from you psychologists!. Comrades, let us leave this place right away!"
The denialists cheered again and staggered out of the quaint little pub in high spirits (and yes, you can be sure that they did consume significant amounts of spirits), proud to have defended the new street creed.

"You're doomed, you ignorant fools" spat the psychologist, clutching his beloved diamond-crusted iphone in one hand and shaking his fist, with the other hand, naturally. (it was unthinkable to subject the precious phone to unforgiving shaking!)
"World peace!" cried out the psychologist with bambi-eyes, which were already brimming with tears of sympathy.

Disclaimer:
No psychologists were harmed in the making of this story
This is just a large distorted figment of the writer's overactive imagination - where a thought about denial metamorphosed into one odd ridiculous story.
*shrug*

why, where, how shall she begin

2010-06-14T21:31:00.007+08:00

Why?
After bidding goodbye,
will she return
Back to this page
where she scrawl, her scattered snippets.

Where, then?
After such long absence
shall she begin
Right on this page
of drying anticipation -
how she abscounded, her readers abandoned.

How, now?
After rusty synapses, choked with debris from unspoken thoughts
can she continue ...
After this page,

And once again, prose deludes.
May the myriad isolated flashes of murmurings
edge their way in
Find yourselves a spot, fellows. She knows not how.

Of why, of where, of how would she begin-
Escape-is-it!
Hence the music start the tone
the melodies, along with words unfold,
the murmurings the heart unfurled,
the meanderings down a face wrinkled.

Hope you like the songs.
Said she.

Oren Lavie - The Man Who Isn't There (lyrics)

2010-06-14T21:31:00.000+08:00

[MV] 陳綺貞 - 太多

2010-06-14T20:45:00.000+08:00

2009-11-07T23:31:00.001+08:00

hi there self-esteem,

do i know you?

where have you been all this while?

Tell me why

2009-08-02T23:47:00.000+08:00

Why am I doing this?
How many times must I ask myself...

Cynic

2009-07-10T00:16:00.001+08:00

A cynic crowned me a cynic.
I'm certified.
Yea, i think i am.

No way.

2009-05-18T22:21:00.003+08:00

Trembling.
Wary of the tiniest leak.

Silence bursts through the cords
Screaming not to be heard.
Shame on you! Who?! Snigger!
Scorn swells, folds start to seal.
They swirl, down the sewer, where they belong.
They shrivel, GONE.

Woven.
So tight.
Not blood nor air enters. Nothing leaves.
Oh oh! Dead space.
Oh oh! Shunt.

Limp.
Hiding in shadows.
Comtemplating.
Ready to raise, let it flap?
Only then,
Perhaps, will the white sheath
Forever: defend.

Thought processes and paranoia

2009-02-27T14:11:00.002+08:00

In case my computer crashes.

Questions to ask
What is language?
Complexity of language- processing, production, comprehension,

What is bilingualism? The variables: Low and high proficiency? Age of acquisition? Environment and practice

Neuroanatomical representation of language:
This paper will examine the representation of language in different domains? – processing and production, comprehension, lexical semantic?

Things to consider:

-Different theories to date
-complications due to variables, types of tests
-is single-word generation representative? How natural is language in that kind of testings? But still useful to have a baseline?
-some limitations- eg. fMRI cannot examine inferior temporal gyrus (p 180) due to interference with magnectic field.
Review the research- different hypotheses put forward

Lateralization- no studies provide coherent explanation. No proof that bilingual brains are any more asymmetrical than monolinguals

Convenient to fall into the trap of thinking that bilinguals are just two monolinguals combined.

The studies on aphasia- different kinds of recovery cannot fully explain bilingual brain
From testing subjects with disorders (brain undergoes shifts and adjustments after injury) to normal-functioning subjects
Old: lesion studies, electrical cortical stimulation (Penfield and Roberts 1959)
New ways of testing- non-invasive neuroimaging testingPET, fMRI, regional cerebral blood flow ERPs (event-related brain potentials)
Phonological loop and working memory
TOT- tip-of-the-tongue phenomena
What is convergence?
One-system hypothesis (single network hypothesis)
Petride’s 2 level- hypothesis: automatic vs controlled retrieval process. (meaning that if your L2 is not proficient, you will not be able to retrieve it automatically. Conscious searching required and that explains for the increased activity)

For grammar-related= age acquisition
For lexical-semantic= proficiency

Recurring areas:
Basal ganglia
Left Dorsa lateral frontal cortex
Left putamen
Inferior frontal gyrus / anterior insula complex
ACC- anterior cingulated cortex
Pre-frontal cortex
Temporal pole
Inferior parietal cortex
Brodman’s Area (9, 46, 47)
(note page 249)
Right hemisphere (pragmatics for both monolinguals and bilinguals?)
Working memory and phonological loop? (hippocampus and grey matter density?)
Implicit language competence and explicit metalinguistic knowledge

Singapore context- acquisition acquired within a brief period and has under formal settings? (school) –motivation?

Introduction......... ??????
Oh yes.
I have no idea how to begin writing this essay.

Farewell 2008

2008-12-31T01:33:00.002+08:00

Its the very last day for this year, thought it would be good to do some pondering...
Just wanted to note this before I forgot, read it in a magazine while getting my new hairdo:
"The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese"
Very true, isn't it?

Anywayz...Fared well, 2008?

completed marathon (nmind the timing!)
scaled a mountain
experienced via ferrata
tried wide water rafting
fulfilling year in school
going back to study full time
secured scholarship
keeping friends, making friends
went on a holiday
eating well, keeping well

2008- year devoid of turbulence, just gurgling, bubbling ripples along the way. Year of simple contentment, of neat room , of regular exercise...

My resolutions for 2009 are also simple:

Be the best student i can be
Care for and be patient towards family and friends
Train hard for marathon
Join a mini-triathalon?
Save more spend less
Listen more, talk less
Do more, dream less
Give more, demand less
Smile more, frown less
Sleep more, eat less!

Finally... to be optimistic, contented and grateful for every thing, any thing that comes my way.

Messing Around.

2008-12-02T01:20:00.004+08:00

While my once pristine room is still being buried with my mess from school...
here i am again, trying to bury myself in denial...
How could I have accumlated so much stuff in just 4 years?! I must have spent hundreds or maybe thousands of dollars on all those paper, craft, stationery, containers, baskets and files... If anyone needs pens, post-it, folders, drawing block, colored paper, flashcards, VCDs ETC... you know where to visit.
I have already postponed cleaning for weeks, all because i can't bear to even THINK how i can move my stuff around.
Actually my room was so clean that i know where to find my things. I know exactly where to find my old choir scores and year books. I know exactly where my old zo-cards and boxes for gadgets are...

But NOW? NOOOooooooo!!!

Jeez... really trying to reorganise my whole room to accommodate my "investment"...
And i swear i have given at least 75% of the stuff away to my colleagues...
How can i make the mess go away without throwing bits and pieces of my past away? (And I have already thrown away 4 bags last night...) I am thinking of throwing out NIE notes next...

Anyway... while trying to avoid the topic of room cleaning, i popped in for a shower and thought of my colleague's son. Lovely boy diagnosed with autism. While i was sitting alone guarding the sacred ang pow box, i observed him when he came into the cafe-he was skirting around DOME during another colleague's ROM. I nearly laughed out loud when he blew at a middle-aged lady's hair (one of the guests... i just wonder what propelled him to do that. She was his one and only 'target') He then roamed around abit more and curled up comfortably in a chair.
Later that night, he lied down flat on a sofa in the cafe. I pointed out to the mom brightly (in my mind all i was thinking-he was really making himself comfortable) But his mom's first reaction was to ask him to get up. (oops... there i was, treating him like a special kid... big mistake...)

Anyway... guess my long-winded story... is not the main point...

Observing the boy led to another thought: autism in literature.

I am not referring to recent stuff such as Rain Man, Elijah's Cup or The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time... I am more curious about older works...

I am not a well-read person, hence i am not sure what has been written in the past about autism. During a time when autism was not so well-known or understood, how would authors depict them? How do writers during that time make sense of some people across other spectrums?

Did a small little research on history of autism:

The history of autism goes as far back as 1911 with Eugen Bleuler a Swiss psychiatrist first coined the term. However that term applied to adult schizophrenia.
In 1943 Dr. Leo Kanner of Johns Hopkins University described autism for the first time. He based his discovery from 11 children he observed between 1938 and 1943. What he studied were children who had withdrawal from human contact as early as age 1.
During the 1940's through the 60's the medical community felt that children who had autism were schizophrenic. This lack of understanding of the disorder lead many parents to believe that they were at fault
During the 1960's people began to understand autism and more precisely identify autism and the treatments.

Well.. too tired to delve more into this topic... perhaps another day.

A First

2008-12-01T10:31:00.002+08:00

Tendered my very first resignation letter today.

No matter how old one gets, there will always be a first.

I guess that's what keeps life interesting.

Reflection

2008-10-31T21:38:00.003+08:00

Did my appraisal report today and wrote a whole lot of chunk.
Now that I am really leaving... feel that I will miss them dearly...

Loads of stuff to do... unconscious stress surfacing again... in my dream, or should i say nightmare.

Going for interview next week! *sweat*
Experienced people out there, throw me some commonly asked questions... and give tips on how to impress the interviewers!!! Help help help!

Thank you

Lazy Saturday

2008-08-23T22:55:00.006+08:00

Rainy, cool day.
Had tuition in the morning, had lunch, came back home, watched korean dramas on mysoju (which is absolutely enjoyable now that I have upgraded my broadband speed!) Went for dinner with parents, lazed around more.

One of my colleague will always ask me on monday- "How's your weekend?"
Most of the time, my reply will be nothing much. Went for jog/gym.
Which is true for most weekends.
But i love such weekends. Nothing tantalising or taxing. Just a nothing-weekend.

Perhaps that's why weekends are defined by "Saturday" or "Sunday"
Saturday coz you did nothing all day. You are supposed to tell others " I sat a day away"
And Sunday. "i basked in the sun."

Details on my Korean drama:
Finished watching "Couple and Trouble". Like most Korean dramas- silly decisions made by silly protagonists which made the show drag on. But you know its a happy ending and you wanna know how it came about. Well. So we are silly viewers waiting for the obvious result. Its drama.

A few of my colleagues love Korean shows as well. One of them greeted me "Anyohaeseyo" twice in school. On the second day she used that greeting, i was presented with a great shock... or surprise: A junior pupil from another class saw me in the toilet. And he shouted "Anyohaeseyo!"
Told you they had magic ears and eyes.

Started Conversational Malay last Tuesday. Quite fun and interesting to know more about this language. It should be very useful in Singapore. And I was quite surprised to realise that German, Japanese and Malay have very similar vowel sounds.
Lust for language learning has returned. Feel like picking up Korean too.

Going for Singapore Bay Run tomorrow. Not sure if i could complete... think my knee/hamstring still cranky. And creaky. 10km has been my max distance clocked so far. haha
Anywayz... just see how it goes. Nothing can be worse than that 1st marathon experience. Right?!

Going for audition again on Monday night. Wondering if im supposed to sing the same song?!
Haven't practised...

Looks like it can't be a lazy Sunday.

Content. Me Gloria, you Jean

2008-08-18T22:05:00.002+08:00

I Guess that to be able to think thematically is quite unrealistic. For me at least.
Hence another random entry about random thoughts.
Perhaps there is nothing significant enough for me to want to stay on track, to elaborate on that one singular thing. To be fickle (in the mind, that is) takes less effort, less focus and more variety.
Hence more random thoughts.
Its almost like the 1812 Overture's fireworks blasting off in the head.

As I was telling 'Jean' at Gloria Jean while waiting happily for our coffee (together with carrot cake and scones), its not that difficult to be happy. Is it?
At least at the moment, waiting for the coffee, listening to the music, staring at the decor, snagging those cute black plastic forks,spoons and knives make me happy.
Thinking about English names for one another is a great laugh.
Dinner at Dian Xiao Er is yummy...

Watching Couple or Trouble now makes me quite contented. Listening to and watching Ah Bu on TV makes me absolutely happy (by the way, if you google for "ah bu", my blog will appear as one of the first few search results! Poor adorable ah bu, no one else writes about you?!)

Cycling at East Coast, dashing along the empty park connector is so relaxing. Eating BK breakfast is satisfying. Exploring Japanese Garden (on feet) that day is nice. And I like picking up saga seeds scattered on the floor.Taking naps is great. Having a clean room pleases me. Hanging out with friends is fun and fulfilling.

(Ah Bu on TV again. So darn cute!)

Well... of coz there are not-so-nice things like not receiving news, not liking to sing, writing 17-page minutes, having sickening hair, spotting round face, tummy etc etc etc etc...disgusting parking (non-)skills...

Still...there are probably more things to be pleased about

Now there's only left with authentic Korean Ja Jang Myeon to make my day.

I like this

2008-08-18T21:55:00.004+08:00

The Story Of the Pencil

A boy was watching his grandmother write a letter. At one point, he asked:
"Are you writing a story about what we've done? Is it a story about me?"
His grandmother stopped writing her letter and said to her grandson:
"I am writing about you, acutually, but more important than the words is the pencil I'm using. I hope you will be like this pencil when you grow up."
Intrigued, the boy looked at the pencil. It didn't seem very special.
"But its just like any other pencil I've ever seen!"
"That depends on how you look at things. It has five qualities which, if you manage to hand on to them, will make you a person who is always at peace with the world.

First quality: you are capable of great things, but you must never forget there is a hand guiding your steps...

Second quality: now and then, I have to stop writing and use a sharpener. That makes the pencil suffer a little, but afterwards, he's much sharper. So you, too, must learn to bear certain pains and sorrows, because they will make you a better person.

Third quality: the pencil always allows us to use an eraser to rub out any mistakes. This means that correcting something we did is not necessarily a bad thing; it helps to keep us on the road to justice.

Fourth quality: What really matters in a pencil is not its wooden exterior, but the graphite inside. So always pay attention to what is happening inside you.

Finally, the pencil's fifth quality: it always leaves a mark. In just the same way, you should know that every thing you do in life will leave a mark, so try to be conscious of that in your every action."

-Paulo Coelho, Like the Flowing River

Wait.

2008-08-14T20:46:00.002+08:00

Time is a long time for those who wait.

Well. At least know whether the wait will stop in 24 hrs time.

As You Like it

2008-08-13T00:23:00.002+08:00

Random thoughts. Tend to occur when you're stuck in a rut.
In today's case- never ending minutes to write. Gross stuff.

At Random.

1. I wish that my car can fart.
Cars behind can crash down on their horns if you're doing something funny in front.
But what can we do about tailgating and impatient cars doing funny things behind your back?
Fart off...

2. I am waiting for email
Waiting for that one email that could possibly change my life for next few weeks/years.
Will they email you to tell you goodbye, try again next time?

3. Windy
A lovely windy day today. Nice weather, really.

4. My hon has finally quit her job at Wu Jian Dao- Pte Ltd.
Hurray!

5. I hate writing minutes.
Its not stopping at 10 pages. What the...

6. Shall we dance?
New instructor for our dance CCA. This young China guy can jump up- with legs split and hands touching his feet. Incredible.
I like dancing.

7. Adult Malay course.
Gonna start lessons soon. Hopefully.

8. I like the Korean Show- Couple or Trouble
Very cute show. Typical Korean comedy-romance. But nice. And the Jajangmyeon is making me salivate profusely. Where can i get to eat them in Singapore?

9. Ah Bu is "tian cai xiao diao shou"
So he claims. But he is always damn unlucky in fishing. So adorable! And his dive into the sea, pretty magnificent. This guy can do no wrong. Haha!

10. Swimming and Olympics
Ability to swim well is appealing.
Free-stylers and breast-strokers have different bods.
Not that i particularly like him, but hoping that Phelps gets his 8 golds. Legends are always fascinating...

Ok.
Random thoughts never end. But i shall for now.

"The Heart Asks the Pleasure First"

2008-07-28T23:39:00.004+08:00

This tune and line came to the mind randomly a few days ago.
And Hey Presto! A few days after the random thought, while reading "The Time-Traveller's Wife", this very phrase appeared in the book.
Talk about uncanny.

And to update on my SLP course application-
I have gone for the test (which was a major blow on the ego- how lack of analytical skills and how indecisive can one get?! - ME)
And there was a 10mins open-ended question...
Actually, at the end of the test, felt kinda down.
After being in the comfort zone for so long (4 years...) , i realised how rusty my brains have become... And also wondered if i should be trying for SLP at all...
Am I up to it...?
After having joked with Dad during lunch about the test... felt better. At least, like i told him, most of the people who went for the test have hao3 ren2 lian3...
So even if i don't get chosen (only 50% chance *fingers crossed*), can be assured that there will be alot of nice new Speech Pathologists in Singapore. Oh Well!

And btw, I am going for interview next week! Like Dad said, I have beaten another about 20 applicants to go to the next round.
Hope can let you all hear good news...
Also must thank my ex-principal for writing testimonial for me... hope that i can tell her that I got it... think she has a bit more faith in me than i have in myself..

Another happy update,
Went for audition at Music Dreamer Cafe and i got into the 2nd round!
But like i told zhuz, 20 million other pple got in... so i'm only one of the lucky ones chosen i guess... Still, am just glad for a second chance
So, what song should i sing?!! Any suggestions?!

Guess realise that for many things in life, I'd never know until I try. If I get it, its a bonus, if i don't, at least I've tried...

Still unable to convince myself that i have what in takes in most things...
But perhaps i am not as bad as i make myself out to be...
Just maybe.
But at least there's a but?

I WANT them badly.
Please continue to conspire to give them to me...

2008-07-15T21:14:00.000+08:00

If you want something bad enough, the whole world will conspire to give it to you.

?

My Lucky Day!

2008-07-13T17:17:00.002+08:00

Oh man... today is really my lucky day!
Managed to find more videos on Ah Bu on YouTube!
*beam*
For those of you who wanna listen to his lovely voice and infectious laugh, watch these videos...
kekeke~

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Pwe1XqTCI_o&feature=related

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Olw49zFT7ps

My lovely Ah Bu

2008-07-13T16:44:00.005+08:00

I am so happy to find this site!

Have been looking high and low for him...Apparently he is not that famous in Taiwan... therefore its very difficult to find news on him.

And the fact that he is not going to appear on my TV on thursdays make me kinda sad..

PRESENTING TO YOU:

Brian Zhou Yong Xun, otherwise known as Ah Bu

Is he adorable or is he adorable?! haha

So cute yeah?

I'll miss your voice!!!

haha... the 15-year old in me is rearing its head...

What's Up?

2008-07-13T16:05:00.006+08:00

Wedding Number 3 this year ended yesterday.
And coming up would be Wedding 4 and news from a classmate yesterday - Wedding 5!
"Tis the season to be jolly ...."

Yesterday's wedding was held at Rasa Sentosa, which was pretty nice because its by the seaside. Nothing beats sea, sun and sand really. And because it started at around 6, we get to enjoy some light before night fell. Furthermore, it is so relaxing to have wedding dinner at that time. You don't have to worry that its getting late (it will take many hours to be late haha). So a few of us (JC classmates) had a pretty good time catching up. All those antics and nonsense things we did seemed so recent though it was already freaking 8 years ago! *gasp*
And i so enjoy buffet dinners. You get to walk about once in a while, and choose exactly what you want to eat, and also get to taste different kinds of food. There's salad , with walnuts! And sushi, and of course dessert. The only complaint I have- NO COFFEE to go with my dessert!

It was a simple Christian wedding with singing, sermon and the ceremony. I don't usually enjoy sermons but i can't help but think that what the pastor said is very true. "A marriage with 2 strings will be stronger than one. A marriage with a cord of 3 strings will be the strongest. (well... something like that). And its not the couple with one third party. Its the couple and God.
How true. In many marriages, its up to the couple to iron out differences. For a Christian family, you can count on the faith , and will probably even have the whole congregation of church to support you. Afterall, its a marriage blessed by God, they would say. Who could dispute that?

Another thought- Friends asked me, so what's up?
And when usually when people ask me that, I'll just reply "Nothing much, still the same"
But ...
I had eye surgery on Monday, had new specs, met up with friend, went for dance, am enjoying afternoon naps, going for show, shifted to new school, applying for SLP, going for audition etc...
So what do we decide to tell people? Why do we have to rack our brains when we are asked that question?
Is it because we only want to say what is deemed as important to other pple? Especially for people we haven't met in the longest time, do we have the tendency to sift our brains for the biggest "news" that had just happened in our lives?
Oh well... maybe the next time someone asks me this question, I'm going to tell them the first thing that pops up, even the most trivial thing. For example "Oh crap. I've been constipated for a few days." Or "My eye is feeling itchy, i think its my contacts" Or "I have been having afternoon naps almost every day, eat your hearts out!"

Maybe this would stop them from asking such an open-ended question like "What have you been up to?"

Anyway, Before I end off, i should announce- i finished my lesson plan this week by 4pm on a Sunday. Cheers!

Random thought:
I actually chose Times New Roman for this entry. Its so pleasing! *snigger*
I guess its a sign that I'm ready to return to a life using this Font, Double spacing, 1000 words. Am I?
Please let me have a chance to go back to NUS!!! *fingers crossed*

Aye Eye!

2008-07-07T23:10:00.008+08:00

Went for Left Barrier Laser Treatment today and that is because i suffer from:

LATTICE DEGENERATION

Lattice degeneration of the retina is a type of thinning of the outside edges of the retina, which occurs in 6%-8% of the general population. The lattice degeneration, so-called because the thinned retina resembles the crisscross pattern of a lattice, often contains small holes. Lattice degeneration is more common in patients with nearsightedness (myopia). This tendency to lattice degeneration occurs because myopic eyes are larger than normal eyes and, therefore, the peripheral retina is stretched more thinly.
Fortunately, only about 1% of patients with lattice degeneration go on to develop a retinal detachment.

Btw, here's how my left eye look like now:

[The white color dots form the barrier to prevent my retina from tearing]

Not a very pleasant experience.
Pupils enlarged with eye drops. Vision cloudy, unable to see objects up close (that includes my bill. A blessing? hoho)
"Now I'm going to give you some painkillers because its going to hurt abit"
"You're not supposed to move your eye..."
"Look left", "Look down" , "Don't move!"
Some bright green or bright light going "tiak tiak tiak tiak" per second and aching pain with every tiak...
"You moved again"

Frankly, I don't even know whether my eyes are moving or opened or closed.
All I know is... Tiak- yikes! tiak- oww! tiak- urgh! tiak- is it over yet?!

For better, or for worse

2008-06-29T12:37:00.002+08:00

BAD:
Been feeling kinda down after Sundown Marathon.
I pulled a hamstring I think.
And couldn't jog beyond 3km. That really sucks.
Didn't realise that the inablity to exercise will bother me so much...

BETTER:

Went swimming of the past week (3 days x 20 laps) Also tested out tread water. Should be able tahan 3-5mins. Meaning, i'm ready for diving!
Went for combat class this Sat. My hamstring didn't act up. Meaning, if i could never run ever again, at least i can still go to the gym.
And having eye-candy instructor doesn't hurt too! (btw, realised that M looks about like Ah-Bu. Sis, what think you? =P)

BAD:

As mentioned previously, wedding dinner/reception cancelled because of unfortunate events in the family.

BETTER:

Both Resumed! (Although it meant a bigger hole in my pocket, at least 2 extra happy events!)

BAD:

Didn't go anywhere this June Holidays. No diving, no mountain, not even Sentosa.

BETTER:

Lobang to go Go-karting in M'sia in July (also overseas what)
Lobang for diving in August (?)
Lobang for overseas trip in Dec
Plans to go Chiang-Rai (Fav? We going??) and Vietnam (Ladies, we going??)

BAD:

Shifting to a new school. Anticipating pupils to act up and disappear along corridors.

BETTER:

These smart babies got used to the place very quickly. We also have a brand new 22" monitor. Perfect for watching Barney, Hi-5 and movies.

We are going to have 9 kiddies for now. No new kid coming in. For now.

BAD:

Very fat.

WORSE

Getting fatter. =S

Guess it will also be an issue i'll always have to grapple with. But for my good friends out there... you won't mind my fat face and fat ass when you go out with me right? haha!

Pray Hard.

2008-06-04T23:37:00.002+08:00

Was invited to 3 weddings this summer- one in June, the other in July and one more in August.

But the one in June may be cancelled... coz the bride's father passed away 2 weeks ago...
Today just received notice that the one in August will be cancelled as the bride's mother diagnosed with cancer. (according to friend, she has had surgery and going to receive treatment)

Praying hard.

Forget, and Forget about forgiving

2008-05-29T02:36:00.005+08:00

Have removed the horror stories.
People with better sense have advised that cyberspace is a dangerous zone.
You never know who will stumble upon the page and use it against you.
So well...

Heart still heavy
But regulation works are being done.

Have decided to try to forget
But no mention of forgiving
The only reason being-
If there is talk of forgiveness... one must have cared enough to muster energy to be furious.

Bearing grudges exhausts too much time and effort.

And actually, the best way to remain impenetrable to the claws of monsters, is probably to take the high road.
Don't stoop to their level, they can't touch you

Even if one eventually falls into the claws of them.
This could be on the epitaph : " I have have left the battleground in honor."

Regulate. Regulate?

2008-05-26T20:19:00.004+08:00

Again.
I am going to rant about the exciting battlefield my school has turned into.
We've all grown so weary, so disappointed and so beaten that we do not want to talk about the issues anymore... many a times, we could only stare blankly at each other, dumbfounded by the ridiculity of it all. Still NEW issues, new insults, new attacks emerge every day.

The mrt trip from Khatib and Chinese Garden is actually long enough for me to finish thinking and shake my head, then fullstop. But I am going to record it. Because I have somehow morphed into the monsters like them.
I must ensure that I remember why I was so frustrated with these vicious opportunists and that 10 years down the road, I could still feel justified for feeling the way I do now. SO that if I am pushed to the limit and forced to snap, I could retort confidently.

These monsters could talk birds down the trees, break their necks and laugh at their mangled states for weeks.
Then they would tell the whole world about their victory and celebrate, not because they have done anything meaningful. They are delighted because they got their way.
Ashamed?
Never.

The birds deserve to die, they say.
Can you condemn their actions?
No way.
Coz the reluctant mafia boss gave the go-ahead.

Psycho

2008-05-26T20:14:00.002+08:00

The powers which you gave away,
Lured the monsters out to play
You'll definitely see one day,
The price that you have to pay.
But still i wonder...
Will you live to see that day?

I forgot...

2008-05-05T23:01:00.004+08:00

In the midst of confusion, indecisiveness and discontentment...
I forgot.
Forgot that in 2-3 weeks time, _ _ _ will be no more.
Moving to new, boring concrete multi-storey building.
Its like moving out of the old KR... with our pond and amphitheatre...
Our kitchenette at the top floor... and the toilet that goes "beep" when someone walks in
The peep hole to make sure that its no peeping tom who entered the Ladies.
How I miss all those...

And once again... moving out... to be forced to move into a place deemed as more modern...
Without waterplay tub for the kids no decent field to run on, no playground with sand...
Tragic...
I forgot to treasure the old place i so loved... The see-saw which i used to take one of my first photos with Shaun. (already gone...)
The mango tree, the starfruit tree, the chiku tree, the banana tree (chopped off cos of stupid aedes mosquitoes), the rambutan tree... we used to climb up onto the ladder, and armed with our poles to hook those fruits. Its greatly satisfying to see the fruit go THUD onto the ground manifested with roots of trees.
The large field with the rotten log and wobbly bench... where we used to play frisbee and volleyball...
The open-concept canteen... the "staff room" (which is actually just a conference room) ...
The fat nasty black lizards... the insects which randomly fall from the ceiling... the glue-sniffing (and EATING) rats... the occasional tree snake...

How could i have forgotten...
How could i lament having to stay back every day and not realise that soon i will not have the chance to do so anymore...
How could i allow certain human beings to diminish my love for YGS...
The people did the evils... but the place did not...
My eyes and heart have been blinded this year... almost as if a wall has come between me and the YGS i used to know...

Interestingly enough... things in school have been breaking down, giving way... crumbling...
Some said that the place will disintegrate because it knows that the people are leaving
Some concluded that "THEY", our friendly brothers from down-under are sad that we are leaving... after all, its years and years of "Feeling" uh...

Am currently helping out with the school relocation flyer... that is telling our new friendly neighbours at Sengkang area that we are "moving in"
Today, the VP just said she thought its a better idea to say that "WE ARE OPENING!" (are we some supermarket or GAP store?) oh well...
What bothered me was... the _ _ _ seems to be wiped out completely...

Must remember not to complain anymore...
I'll always miss you...

Clutter, cluttering, cluttered

2008-04-23T22:03:00.003+08:00

Have no idea why, but the resolve to quit became strong (again) tonight, after the meeting.
Is it the environment? The people? The Principal? The shift to the new school?
Or simply because I simply had enough?
I have no idea.
Feel that I have taught nothing over the year... over the years in fact... Are the kids really benefiting? Do I have too high expectations of myself.. or am i really a lousy teacher? Feel so incapable, so unaccomplished and even angry with myself sometimes... feel very often that i'm doing a really lousy job...
And what are the shit stuff i have to do? Of course every job is the same... and perhaps this is one of the most enjoyable job I'll ever land myself in...
But so what...
If I'm sick of it... I should move on ya... after all, I'm dealing with lives... I may be detrimental to the children's development...
And of course money is also an issue... the main issue in fact...
I'd love to trash all my worksheets... all my resources... throw out all the stuff that's giving me a headache... Can't stand the clutter in my class... can't stand having to pack and shift... Wanna break free and detox... physical clutter... mental clutter...
Break free from lesson plans... from printing and cutting resources that don't get organised... Just wanna throw throw throw...

And I see this as a sign-
today, for the first time in my life, i did half my lesson plan for next week... on a WEDNESDAY!
And guess what happened.
Some virus in the school computer wiped out that file... gone...
What's the point...
Working so hard to motivate myself... to convince myself i should stay and press on...
To be positive about doing lesson plans...
Look what happened...

Sigh.
Am I being impulsive... or should i really just leave...

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

2008-03-29T18:12:00.003+08:00

"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!

The world forgetting, by the world forgot.

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!

Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd."

What a gorgeous film!

Watch it!

We are so young...

2008-03-19T23:33:00.002+08:00

Kid is so young.
I am so young.
I'm not talking ot physical age of coz... know i'm over the hill.......

Sometimes wonder if I ever grew up these past years
I still feel like i'm 20.
And that the way i handle situations..... i'm like 18?
Just some "Siao gin na"
How would you know whether you are handling an issue like an adult?
How can one learn to be mature in situations?
How do you know whether you did it right?

Tired.
zzz
Sign of old age.

Term2 Week 1

2008-03-16T17:18:00.002+08:00

Time flies.
Can't believe its already Term 2 Week 1 tomorrow. Its another 10 long stressful weeks again.

What did I do over the "holidays"???

Monday
Dance Workshop
Tuesday
Clean Dance Room
Discuss curriculum =/
Went Rochester
Wednesday
Went lunch with colleagues and 2 cute twin babies
Tuition
Do What huh?
Thursday
Do what huh?
Watch 200 pounds beauty
Met Lihui regarding Jas' Wedding
Friday
Do what huh?
Saturday
Jas Wedding
Sunday
Jog
Tuition
Do what huh?
Can't get enough...

Clean and Clear

2008-03-03T23:23:00.003+08:00

Figured that I should have stopped whining earlier.
Denial and escapism did make me feel better momentarily, but guess in the long run, its still much better to nip the problem in the bud.
In my case... it means packing my class, tidying up my room and trying to do my admin stuff.
Now that my class and room is cleaner, conscience a tad clearer, i feel slightly less grouchy.

But you know how Clean&Clear dries up the skin? Remember to moisturise.

Egg White and Cucumber

2008-03-02T21:46:00.004+08:00

Smeared on my face now is the egg white and cucumber home-made mask recommended by sis. So while my eyes are twitching and tight, gonna start another entry...

And when you see multiple entries .. you know its Escape-from-Lesson-Plan, Pre-Monday-Blues night.

Gosh. Why do i hate doing lesson plans SO MUCH? One teeny consolation- its Term 1 WEEK 10!

1 WEEK before school holidays (not that i really have holidays... sigh) So i get to take a break from stupid LP for 1 week. Cheers...

Was complaining vehemently to sis during jogging this morning about our stupid organisation, MCP calculative P etc... Really unmotivated to do more work because of all the dumb things teachers are made to do...

Already have problem doing what I am supposed to do ( i need time to read, stone and procrastinate also k... its justified...ahem..)

ANYWAY, the point is, i stay back in school because i want to prepare for my lessons, do some resources etc... Recently i find myself staying back because of silly meetings about curriculum and stuff irrelevant to my own work. And i'll prob be observed by my appraiser next week... One word: SIAN.

Furthermore, the rubbish heap of stuff jumbled my brain up making me unsettled all the time. Instances:

I couldn't swim in peace. (That day, after helping out another CCA, stayed back to swim- told myself only wanted to do a leisurely 10 laps but ended up swishing back and forth non-stop... just can't seem to relax..)

I was impatient when jogging. Couldn't enjoy the journey... only wanted to quickly finish and get my ass back home.

Had another "nightmare". Actually... it was a daymare. Fell asleep before my tuition today. In my dreams, i was in Khatib and i was late for tuition. Was anxiously trying to figure out what was the fastest way i can get back to Jurong for tuition. Its like Wah-Rao, cannot even get away from school related landmarks in my dream

Other Stuff:

I suspect that I am suffering from (mild) OCD

I can't go on MSN because I will get distracted from work

My room is bloody messy and i hate it

My classroom is bloody messy and i hate it

I eat too much

I eat too much

I EAT TOO MUCH!

Haha.. how grouchy.

Oh, since i'm eating too much, wanna share one of my favvv... BREAD

Went Cedele (because all the other restaurants at Wheelock spotted queues) with Zhuz on Friday night and was pleasantly surprised to find out that it is not only bread on the menu. Though ... we chose to eat sandwiches eventually.

Anyway, i love the sandwiches =) Think I'll probably go back again, just to try out other stuff on the menu.

To end off... a short note- i have forgotten how therapeutic music can be. So used to leaving tv on while doing work that i seldom on musik. I actually have 8Gb worth of music on my notebook, should not let them go to waste =P

OH... I wanted to add on... bought some old vcds from rental shops recently! They are a steal at 3 for $10 (who needs new ones anyway...) I have Royal Tenenbaums, Gosford Park, Little Miss Sunshine, Blood Diamond, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind etc... Lovely!

Sundown Marathon

2008-03-02T21:01:00.006+08:00

Exciting News!
Received email from Sundown Marathon over the weekend

The yet-to-be-released adidas adizero running top will be part of the inaugural adidas Sundown Marathon race pack!

Sneak Preview of adidas adizero Running Top

Sneak Preview of adidas response Finisher Tee

Pretty?!
I am especially eager to get the finisher tee =P

Went jogging this morning and was struggling to finish one round (about 7km) Thought that used to be breeze? Oh well... really NOT confident of finishing the marathon... but I'll CRAWL there if I have to! Just to get that tee.. haha!

Love & Marriage

2008-03-02T20:58:00.003+08:00

Recently joined a forum on beauty tips and stumbled upon this:

What is love ?

A student asked a teacher. "What is love ?"
The teacher said, "In order to answer your question. Go to the padi field and choose the biggest padi and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."The student went to the field, go through the first row and saw one big padi stalk, but he wondered....maybe there is a bigger one later. Then he saw another bigger one... but thought may be there is a even bigger one waiting for him.Later, when he finished more than half of the padi field, he start to realise that the padi was not as big as the previous one he saw, he knew he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted !!!! So, he went back to the teacher with empty hands.The teacher told him, "...this is love... you keep looking for a better one, but when you realised later, you have already missed the person...."

"What is marriage then ?" the student asked.
The teacher said, "In order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."The student went to the corn field. This time he was careful not to repeat the previous mistake. When he reached the middle of the field, he has picked one medium corn that he felt satisfied, and come back to the teacher.The teacher told him, "this time you bring back a corn.... you look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you got.... this is marriage."

This millionaire

2008-02-24T23:25:00.002+08:00

So much stuff going on!

Wanted to update on my kiddies and also the course I attended on Saturday (Personal Mastery and Mental Model) by Dr Low Guat Tin, the 62 years-old, 7-degreed millionaire.

And b4 i forget, want to note this down. Dr Low, who has made her will and prepared her funeral songs and DVD said that she wanted 8 women to carry her coffin when she died. Reason being this:
"No man would take me out when I was alive. I do not want them to take me out when I'm dead."
Isn't she a laugh?! haha

Have lots lots lots more to spew! Save it for later when I'm bored with work =P

Happy New Year, Happy V-day, Happy Birthdays

2008-02-17T16:45:00.004+08:00

Time flew by again, since the last entry and so did the holidays and special events.
Gone is Lunar New Year (Boo Hoo...)
Gone is V-day (no big deal, heh heh)
Gone are 3 birthdays (Hon, Sis and JM)

Is it just us teachers or are the years passing by very quickly?
Each academic year seems to zoom by faster and faster...
Its already Term 1 Week 8...
Jeez...

And hey. I think I am stressed.

SITUATION 1
This morning, i woke up, stared into my alarm clock which says 5.32am. I literally jumped out of bed, thinking its Monday and how I haven't done my lesson plan, and that I am SO DEAD! (coz i wouldn't be able to submit on time) I dashed to my laptop and slammed on the 'on' button, thinking i must quickly do the lesson plan.
It took me maybe 10 secs to realise that perhaps it was not Monday... think i was dazed for a little while, trying to figure out whether its Sunday or Monday...

SITUATION 2
I hurt my nerve, according to my Dad and he was doing tui na on me. But throughout the session, I kept thinking about the target goals i have to edit and send to my colleague. Finally I asked Dad whether its over and if i could go back to do my work...
As i was doing the final editing, could almost feel the adrenaline rushing through me ... need to send, need to send...
After i hastily finished and sent, i felt ravenous.
Ate porridge (for lunch) ate chips, love letters, chocolate cake, fruits... and literally everything on the kitchen table. Its the attack of the unsatiable hunger (which i HATE!) And i didn't even feel full or satisfied at the end of it...

Oh man. I'm not sure how pple define stress but maybe those are indications of stress for me...
I wasn't even in the mood to meet HX last night...

I'm now looking forward to watching gory Sweeney Todd with meiren
And dreaming about the $2 Gloria Jean coffee i'm gonna have (hope to unwind at Suntec soon... haha)
And that I'm gonna get a couple more pairs of cheap Yoga Pants from Carrefour to wear on P.E days (my work uniform! hee haw!)

Well, Friday was Siang's last day. She was so sweet to have prepare gifts for EVERY staff in the school. I received a very nice necklace from her =)
Also helped her for 2 hrs with her class party as she prepared so much food and gifts for them...
(i feel almost grateful for my current class... some of the boys in that class are so noisy i wanna strangle them)
We also treated her to dinner at Thai Express, pretty nice (esp the Kailan with mushroom) and she bought us Yami Yoghurt (*slurp*)
Talked till 9 plus before we headed back home. (9 plus is LATE k... for a person who woke up at 5 and worked till 5pm. Haha)
Will miss her lots and lots.

And if you read Sunday Times today about the ultra-marathon (84km), that's the one I signed up for! But I'm just gonna try 42km of coz... When I showed Dad, he got pretty excited and wanted to buy the Zao Bao to read about it. (He thought that Chinese papers feature the same stories... haha)

Anywayz... think after meeting the parents and also TP from Muah, will feel a little less stressed. Kinda feel more motivated because Muah is my Supervisor, but also abit more stressed. But anyway, know that i will learn alot from her. So... i must count my blessings!

Oddball

2008-01-23T10:41:00.000+08:00

tA-Da
Not working again today... feeling bad for leaving the other relief teacher alone while i frolick from my bed to chair, to living room to kitchen to loo... and the cycle continues...

Don't know what's wrong also! Fever been going up and down. This morning, was feeling fresh and happy and so sure that i'll be back to work tmr...
8.15am- Temp at 35.8
10.00am-Temp at 37
10.44am- Temp at 37.6

I'm usually a cool person, so anything above 37.5 seems high. And ysty evening, it hit a high of 39.5 (given the nature of my job, i am extremely paranoid...) Not wanting to burn my brains, i downed 2 paracetamols, i got dressed, combed my oily hair, got my cash and got ready to visit the doctor for a jab. Brilliant sanity although i'm burning up ya? haha ... well parents went with me of coz..

But the weird thing is, by the time its my turn at the clinic, temperature dropped to 37.8 again. So didn't get a jab. Just had 2 days MC and other medicine.
Don't understand why is it that EVERY time i reach the doctor's my sickness will disappear. And i'll appear like some pathetic self-pitying 'patient' pretending to be sick.
Its either my sickness fears the doctor clinic more than an apple a day... or it revels in making me look like a fool hampering for MCs...
Doctor said if this persists, will have to take a blood test. Dengue?!
But i don't spot any rash and i swear there are no mosquito bites on me...
And i'm pretty sure, IF i really take a blood test. Its NOT gonna be dengue. Its again these stupid sick cells, or whatever they are trying to make me look stupid again.

I just told my colleague and appraisert that my target goal this year is not to take MCs... and im already 2 days down. What a joke.

Settling ...

2008-01-17T19:10:00.000+08:00

Thanks meiren =)
Will not give up... not yet... haha

Can't say that life is a bed of roses in school, but its really great to have a relief teacher with me. And well... kids are still a mess, today kanna whacked, didn't manage to teach much (bleh)
But still... i don't dread school. Phew. But do feel a bit guilty at the end of the day when i wave goodbye to the kids and realise that i wasn't paying much attention to them for the whole day. Because they are so GOOD. Obedient kids get neglected. Sad huh.

Trying to go to school earlier to enjoy the peace and quiet of mornings... but no matter how hard i try, by the time i reached khatib, i have to squeeze my way out. Stupid horrid Singapore bloody transportation system.

Some stuff i'd need to reflect on and improve...

i bloody forgot to tell bus driver that kid has left home early (sick)
i didn't see any blue "clip" a parent was talking about. (very understanding one somemore.. felt bad for being blur)
Still not able to end the school day in peace, no matter how much 'precaution' i take.
Still a scatterbrain... TOO scatterbrainish...
Still procrastinating too much-resulting in too much undone work...

Sometimes i wonder if its the personality... can never be the kind who remembers important things.

Met HX last Sat and we talked till 12plus.. without realising it. Even the last bus had gone... She was telling me that she watched a video for DISe module and she immediately thought of me! Jane Fonda. Haha. Did get her point but well... perhaps i am more optimistic than her. And glad that she seemed to be feeling happier that last year. 2008 hurray!

k lah, not much ranting to be done today. So tired... but still liking morning session and had new CCA this year- Lion Dance and Modern Dance. haha reckon i can't see S that often but i can always volunteer to help out with adventure club ya.

ok. good nite

watch Coffee Prince!

Cokey?

2008-01-09T19:17:00.000+08:00

Meiren, i was about to ask you what you meant by cokey... but then i realised i was the one who declared it...
Can i eat my coke?
Because... I'm being tortured by my class!!! Boo Hoo...
I have 8 kiddies this year... 7 year-olds.
3 Downs- 1 ok, 1 playful, 1... (i'm so wanting to bite his head off)
1 ADHD (he's quite good actually)...
1 with gross motor problems... meaning, he topples easily. Meaning his mommy would feel like biting my head off if he falls down. Hooray...
1 Kabuki (who always whines about going home and gets violent and cries when she cannot go home...)
1 Angel (who is pining for her bf, who's in another class this year)
1 EPILEPSY. Last straw.
Initially, i was supposed to take the class alone when my partner goes on maternity leave. Crazy.
I told the school auntie that if i have no relief teacher coming today, i'll lock myself in class with all my kids. Not because i wanna get up close and personal with them. I'll juz slap diapers on all of them, ask them to help themselves to their own food and water, and lock myself in a cupboard.
haha!
i had 2 helpers for the past 3 days. And i still can't cope.
I'm already so crap at classroom management... i'm crap at classroom management... i repeat. im absolutely totally hopelessly crap at classroom management
Its always so hard to decide which course of action to take...
Do i want to be like my colleague... she's stern and fierce.. so her class is ANGELIC.
But... i don't want them to hold me in awe... i want them to enjoy school and class...
BUT while they are having the time of their lives... their teacher is contemplating taking her own life.

Strike a balance, you'd say. OK. Tell me how.
I realised that once you are nice to them... and you turn fierce on them, do they get scared? For 3 seconds maybe.
But after that they forget and start hating you for scolding them. haha

bloody hell.

OK.
I'm still gonna be positive about it.
I'm gonna read up on classroom management. And other strategies...
You 7 year-olds think you can drive me up the wall?
Dream on! I have huge metal cupboards. I'll lock myself in one of the cupboards.
Together with ALL THE TOYS. So you can spend your time playing with NOTHING. Na~nananana

WAHHHAH!

Luckily they are cute. Else i'd really have ran out of school, screaming my head off then get run over by an Isuzu truck.

This is coming from someone who wakes up by 5 am every morning.

And someone who fell asleep on train from YCK to JE for the past 2 days. And no one bothered to wake me up though its the terminal stop. BOTH TIMES.
I had to wake up myself and realised that everyone has alighted.
Idiot singaporeans.
If you see someone asleep at terminal stop (except marina bay), pls wake the person up, even though the person may wanna go round and round Singapore for sight-seeing (in her dreams, that is) CHECK la.
YOu know how frustrating it is to wake up at some stop and realise you've missed ur stop, and you're already so freaking tired you wanna drop dead there and there on the floor and you can't take cab back coz of the fare hike and you HAVE TO stop, cross over to the other side, and take the train AGAIN!
You wouldn't have fallen so soundly asleep in the first place if you're not really truly tired right?!
So pls... do someone a favour, don't be so shy CAN?!

ANYWAYZ
just wanna complain abit. you know.. abit. abit only la.

West Side Story-I Feel Pretty

2008-01-02T23:32:00.001+08:00

The Original
Why do I like the prancing and over-the-top stuff? haha

I Feel Pretty

2008-01-02T23:30:00.001+08:00

Watched Anger Management on Channel 5 that day...
Thought this is hilarious =p

Its 2008! (Blabber Version)

2008-01-02T21:46:00.000+08:00

Hey,
Its already 2008
And I haven't reflected on 2007, nor did i make any resolutions for 2008 (except for not eating pineapple tarts + replying sms-es asap)
Well resolutions never worked ... so i shall stop devising stuff that will make me feel bad.

Good things:

Had a short 'fling' (haha!) with someone who made me happy (and no longer made me sad (= )
Finished NIE & got a $100 pay rise. (make it $80 after CPF. HA~HA~HA! Only enough to pay for guitar fees... )
Learnt a bit of piano & still learning guitar
Did 8km, 10km, 21km ( think i'll continue to do so even though running does result in a big ass...)
Realised that I'm in a group in school (WT.. hah)
Went Port Dickson, Cameron, Taipei & Siem Reap (i want more!)
2007 is OVER!

As for the bad things, let's not mention them. Already have insufficient time to do the things i want... (for example i should be doing crunches now/ finishing my work/watch korean drama/read Watership Down) not gonna waste time on unpleasant stuff =P

I don't understand how some pple can feel bored staying at home/not working/not going out. I don't have enough timeeeee.... i want to feel bored

Guess the beginning of a new year gives perfectly good reason to start afresh. Think I've been especially disappointed with myself in work. May 2008 be a great year!

In Hamlet, there was this quote which says that one must be "cruel in order to be kind". So in Wanling's Little Purple Book, there's a quote that says " I must be disciplined in order to be free"... Meaning, if i'm hardworking and finish my lesson plan by friday nite, i'll have more time over the weekends! in other words... i MUST procrastinate less ( i didn't say that i cannot procrastinate. that cannot happen haha! )

BTW, i am feeling surprisingly cheery on 01.01. 2008.

Maybe its because I met up with Meiren, Fav and Hon/ then went Xiaoyi's place for steamboat and fondue on the last day of 2007. (high from great company, miso soup, chocolate and alcohol!)

And perhaps its because i went to the Indian temple with my parents at 6plus in the morning on New Year's Day. Haha! ( this starting off the year with sthing i want to do- spend more time with parents...)

Was telling HX that I have alot of things to look forward to this year...

The Wish List:

Travel! ( To HK? To China? To Vietnam? To Africa?)
Diving!
Climb a mountain! (the 10 peaks project? Mt Kinabalu?)
Run 42.195km?
Learn dancing?!
Learn Pop Piano?!
Not hesitate to pursue what i wanna do!

The To-Do List:

Be hardworking
Be responsible
Be a better daughter
Be a better friend
Be healthy
Not be too fat. (shall be elaborated if i am blogging the 2008 Ah-Q version haha!)

Its probaby a bit cheesy to say this... but i was actually feeling sparkly this morning... as there were thousands of tiny efferverscent bubbles in me. (think coke)

Which Winnie-the-Pooh and Friends Character are you?

You are Tigger! You want to jump around on your tail and bounce your way through the year! Although you are not perfect, you are determined to keep your spirits up up and away! Bounce on! (taken from Wanling's Little Purple Book)

Really nonsensical today... but who cares?!

Hope that happy thoughts continue to grace my gut (its definitely growing. physically) this year. So can we really govern most of our emotions? That we ourselves decide whether we wanna be jolly or down in the dumps?

Then i wanna be happy!

Ok... i'm getting bored with my own messy musings. Bye.

P/S: on the train this morning at 640am (can u believe it.. i took 30mins to reach Bukit Batok Station)... i was standing opposite this guy who looked 90% like a Secondary School classmate. Even his actions and demeanor resemble my friend. So much so that I couldn't help feeling paranoid- that he is actually really that friend, but i don't recognise him and he must be thinking how rude i was to not even say hi. Anyway, i guess he did notice that i would glance his way quite often (from bukit batok to yishun- i can't help it) So to prevent myself from fixating my glance on him, i'll look somewhere else. And it caused other pple to think that I am looking at them.

ACTUALLY, the point of all the rubbish above is... I've decided to try this when I'm bored on the MRT:
"MISSION-HOW UNCOMFORtABLE I CAN MAKe SOMEONE ON The PUBLIC TRANSPORT "
Haha... how uninspired can one get.

...

2007-12-05T23:44:00.000+08:00

A rainy day.
Was shopping with fav at Far East when she suddenly told me that my sis fainted in school.

Took a cab to NUH to join parents at the Emergency waiting area.
For almost 3 hrs, Sis' colleagues popped in and out, mom and fav picking up calls, making calls...
Dad stayed in the same chair almost throughout the 3 hrs.
One thing that kept moving was his mouth. And i don't mean it in a rude way. He kept talking about her health- how my sis dun eat enough, how thin she was, how she stayed up too late, how this and that, how A and B troubled her health...
And I know its all because he was worried sick about her...
For the first 30 minutes, i was just sitting between my parents, hearing my dad go on and on, letting fav ask mom all relevant questions. And all i could do- let tears drop.
A useless 25-year old female, not being able to keep her composure and comfort her parents. Instead, had to cause more worry and distraught.
It was worry. And was also sensing how worried my parents were, that they had to deal with the 'ordeal' each in his/her own way.
Dad also made a comment about how mom couldn't take it when he said sis don't eat enough. That's coz moms would usually blame themselves when own children don't eat well. Though its not true that she dun feed us. Just look at ME.
And i swear i didn't steal my sis' portion food.

Just 2 days ago, already had the shock of my life when i woke up in the morning only to have my mom tell me that sis couldn't move the night before and had to sleep in their room.
She couldn't even make it back to her own room, couldn't sit up, couldn't make her way to the toilet coz she hurt her back.
Mom was saying how Dad didn't slee that night though she told him to sleep in sis' room. Dad stayed vigil in the living room, keeping awake in case my sis needs to go toilet.

Fav was commenting on how our family has been fraught with hospital trips this year. Mom to AH, I've been to TTSH and now Sis to NUH. It was unspoken, but I know in our minds, "Who's next..." hovered... and yep.
She also said how her dad, my godpa keeps himself healthy so as to witness the birth of his grandchildren...

All the pain about life and death.
Actually I am scared to death.
I know that I've led a sheltered life and to be honest, the only death i've experienced who's close to me (touch wood x 100000000000000) was my grandpa. That was more than 10 years ago..
I am really not sure whether I can survive if someone close to me leaves me...

I'm still not sure what all this life thing is about...

Guess meanwhile all i can do... is to treat pple around me well. Especially family.. ya?

But to friends whom i have no chance to be nice to anymore. Or whom you have no interest in me taking an interest in you anymore- here's to you: hello, keep well.

Creating Aura

2007-11-18T01:52:00.000+08:00

Long time since i'm here...
So this shall be a happy post! haha

Talked to my meiren the other day and she was encouraging me (us) to be more positive coz each of us has an aura. We CAN make things happen. If we are always having depressing and pessimistic thoughts, those lousy things may just happen to us.
Somewhere along this line...?
So in order to re-create a better aura. I am gonna think POSITIVE. Yippeee!
Btw zhuz, if you haven't given up visiting this site, can you tell me again the stuff about thoughts leading to behaviour, leading to blah blah blah? Remind me if i forget... and some visuals will be helpful, thank you =P

Anyway, has got time to babble here... coz its already sch holidays! (though not exactly so coz we still gotta go back to sch from mon-wed =/) And Monday will be D-day, coz we'll know our new class. And bloody hell, i've gotta take minutes =( Extremely unpleasant. I can't even afford to feel sad/shocked/happy coz i will be too busy writing/typing stuff.
Auditorily-impaired individuals like myself should be exempted from traumatic experiences- such as writing minutes.

Well, had some fun today at mindcafe with some yck folks. We played the Game of Life ( the one they kept playing in OVErTiME) - its kinda like Monopoly... Also played this Charade thingy which was more action-packed and spontaneous. Our team won! haha! Btw, the brownies there tasted great!
2 Ps also went wandering after guitar class last time. Bought Christmas albums at That CD Shop. A great place to shop for CDs, coz they will let you listen to any CD. Very willingly & generously.
ALmost watched a midnight movie but there were juz no good shows at GV. Give me Cathay and quirky films any day.
I think i still enjoy being a P. I want to do things at whim. No notice, no planning, no end in mind. Perhaps the reason i thought ii've became more J is due to men, who are mostly Js.
Except maybe JM. Yes You. If you even read.
Still have the image of you slumping on the huge metal table in my room, not the least bit angry (at least i think you weren't angry =P) that i have juz wakened up from a nap and has decided that i am not gonna have math tuition that day. haha.

Oh well.. thoughts all over the place.

Its late. Nite.

GE Run

2007-10-15T23:24:00.001+08:00

Its GE run on Sunday.
But i can't seem to muster energy to jog these days.
Is it because i did not do enough jogging?
Is it because i ate too much bread and snacks?
Or is it simply coz my legs are too tired to carry my growing weight?
Sigh.
And where the H*** is my running chip?
Grrr

Sick stories

2007-10-07T22:02:00.000+08:00

Those scums of the earth make me sick.

If 2006's movie genre is tragedy
Movie 2007 's genre is definitely HORROR.

Btw
To 3 ACJC students: 'Permanent part-timers' make perfect sense. Don't presume that people at small mama-shops can't write decent notice.

Weary.

I want to read " I am a cat"

Updates

2007-10-01T13:53:00.000+08:00

Long time since I've updated?
More at peace I guess.
And so many things to do!
Want to learn diving
Want to climb a mountain
Want to go for overseas community projects
Want to train for Half-Marathon
Want more time to do sports
Want to be able to play G-chord on guitar
Want to finish all my school's admin stuff
Still want to sleep more.

24 hrs is not enough.
Life is too short to feel sad.
1 minute per day is more than enough.
haha!
And I've surprised myself. I am happy already.

That day, my student wrote my name on the whiteboard.
And another student's mom told me her daughter always call my name at home. And she threw a tantrum at home that day i was on MC.

Love comes in many forms.

S.M.I.L.E =)

Not relevant. Just like the look of this.

Run For Hope

2007-09-16T14:29:00.000+08:00

Completed my first official run- Terry Fox 8km
Not much to speak of. Pretty slow and had a tough time on the sand.
But feel a small spark of achievement.
Its pretty fun, and the obasang in me adored the free towel, the banana, the drinks. Purple wristband. Ain't life great?
Pity about the race T-shirt though.
Coz its Terry Fox Run, there are runners with prosthestics, still moving ahead in life.
Count blessings. I have 2 legs, however fleshy they may be...

Looking forward to more races to come.

recently

2007-09-05T23:08:00.000+08:00

Many people, many things, many thoughts
randomly.

classic introvert
friends
unworthy
damage
guitar
piano
therapy
masters
6 months, 5 years, 10 years
marriage
courage
"i am good at it"
books
money
'mostly martha'

2007-09-05T21:19:00.000+08:00

Shards
Jiggle and tinker
In that empty case
Once gapping and flushed
Gradually, hard shell grows over
No longer will it tear, nor will it sever
The shape that beats and resides within.

Shards
Littered and trinkled
Across the floor of surroundings
Carefully, Gingerly, tired feet tread
No longer will one look on with longing
The singular thing that stays out of reach.

Shards
Trouble yet covered
Behind the eyes of those haunted
Thoughtfully, helplessly stashed away
Though pained to see their windows clouded...
Inevitable, you know, will this once again occur...

Muppet Show -

2007-08-29T22:14:00.001+08:00

THere was an old lady who swallowed a fly...

2007-08-06T21:31:00.001+08:00

Your Inner Gender is Male

You are rational, matter of fact, and quite dominant.You like to get things done, without any emotional messiness.You truly don't understand most women. And you definitely feel more comfortable around men.No doubt about it. You're a guy - at least on the inside.

What's" Your Inner Gender?

Uncanny 3

2007-08-06T00:11:00.001+08:00

Btw. Think the kid's mom sensed that I'm plotting his demise.
Coz they are shifting house. May be transferring to another school if school bus goes to his new home.
But of coz, it is prob not gonna materialize this year... Even if he gets to transfer, he'll prob have to wait till NEXT year... But STILL... that is pretty amazing huh... haha

7 babies really can drive me nuts sometimes.
Though they make me laugh and smile as well... its still shortchanging them. 7 to 1 crappy teacher. Sigh. Sorry babies.

ANywayz.
Another uncanny
Been looking for out this precious moment figurine. Though not available since donkey years ago. (no harm trying luck). Did not manage to find the figurine of coz. But in span of... 1 week? Saw 3 different merchandise with the same message: Puzzle, notebook and cushion.

I MUST start thinking real hard about 4D / Toto numbers soon.

Hauntings

2007-08-05T23:42:00.001+08:00

Long time no see.
Been missing me?
Your blabbering nonsensical Gemini ASD hag? haha... Talk about soliloquys...

Been reading Veronika Decides to Die. Slowly. Savouring every word. Coz i've spent 17bucks on this skinny paperback. Maybe I want to make every single cent worthwhile. Auntie. haha
One of Paulo's earlier books, setting pretty different from The Alchemist.
And its haunting me... kinda painful to read coz it seems to reflect my own monotonous life.
One thing that Paulo keeps on emphasizing is: putting up a fight for own dreams. Not allow yourself to slip into a routine and helplessly accept the life you're used to...

Anywayz, one of the major themes in Veronika is MADNESS. The theme of madness vs normal... another Gothic attack. About how madness is feared because its not understood.

Stunner: (what a cool nurse... haha)
"'Keys?' said the nurse. 'The door is always open. You don't think i'll stay locked up in here with a load of mental patients, do you?' "

I think I could enjoy being mad:
"...once in a mental hospital, a person grows used to the freedom that exists in the world of madness and becomes addicted to it. You no longer have to take on responsibilities, to struggle to earn your daily bread, to be bothered with repetitive, mundane tasks. You could spend hours looking at a picture and making absurd doodles. Everything is tolerated because, after all, the person is mentally ill."

Lots more that makes the heart ache. To end off...Something we should perhaps think about:

"The happier one can be, the unhappier they are"

Btw... Zhuz... so can we get a discount? Remember to ask your friend!

Uncanny Part Deux

2007-07-25T00:06:00.000+08:00

Its uncanny.

Or maybe its really the mind machine working its magic.

Talked to zhuz over MSN just now. And she was telling me that she is currently reading this book- the male protagonist likes to watch 'Days of Our Lives' . Coincidentally, I juz mentioned it out of the blue in one of my entries.

(btw, zhuz, more about this soap opera- there are lotsa soapliloquys.. i mean soliloquys. They are always talking to 'themselves'. Its lotsa talking talking...Hardly any action.)

More uncanny stuff. Was going on and on about Paulo Coelho recently. zhuz had also intended to read 'The Alchemist'. AND. After I mentioned him, he appeared in Straits Times Life! ANywayz, they did an interview on him and he commented that books should be passed around and not lay idle in libraries (sthing to that effect) Hence, he'll leave books that he has finished reading around, like garden benches, cafes etc... Nice idea isn't it? When i told D, he (will be undergoing name change soon) said that there was such a movement in Singapore also... is that right? Pple leaving books around... something like pass-it-on.

Some more uncanny- 2 blogs I've been reading mentioned Christmas (one on July 16th, the other on July 17th) They don't cross paths, NOPE. So its... uncanny when i read about the same thing within a same period of time...

ANywayz. I'm not really writing or thinking properly. Juz wanna quickly finish the post I've started... yesterday. (Today is Thursday)
Actually had lotsa thoughts when i went to jog on Tue night... but was too tired to sort and type them out...

Btw... one of the favourite 'uncanny' stuff or coincidence or telepathy (or whatever you wanna call it) happens right at home. I'd be having cravings for some food and come home to find that my mom has bought them on that very day. Think my brain waves sent some messages to her or sthing? Haha! No complaints =)
Talking about that, was listening to 933FM that day, and DJs were saying that some research in China concluded that WILL POWER can really make things move physically (ESP?) So i better curb my mean thoughts huh... in case my will power really murder the kid.

Having started ranting... can't stop!

Point Form:

I suspect I have blood sugar problems after reading 'MIND YOUR BODY'
I have been to school brighter and earlier these days (one resolution fulfilled! for this week at least...)
I have not been doing work at home (yay!)
I had a great session at gym today ( Treadmill and yoga. Yoga's great. If i am mistaken about being a cat in my last life. I could have been a piece of rubber? OK. I just have loose ligaments. Digression: Anyone remember the rubber man from one of Enid Blyton's book?! Digression 2: I can't believe that hardly any kids these days read Enid Blyton! Missing out on so much... Digression 3: At least my cousind does =D)
But I'm still damn fat. (stepped on weighing machine. Shiokness experienced at gym reduced)
Post Cranberry Almond Crunch is delicious! (been eating Post Cereals for years. Only tried this flavour recently. Darn... all those lost times and lost discounts from NTUC)

Much faster. More updates when I'm ready.

Good night.

Gemini with Autism

2007-07-22T22:31:00.000+08:00

I think I'm a true blue (purple) Gemini...
Suddenly wondered that day if i feel abit unmotivated at work because I am alone.
There is only one preschool class in the afternoon session. And there's only me =/
Its really the first time in 2 years I don't work with a partner. Need someone to keep egging me on, to talk to, to discuss stuff with, to keep tabs on me (haha!) and to have ideas bounce off each other...

Where's my twin?

Its kinda a devastating "realisation"... coz i always thought that i'm perfectly fine alone. And in fact i love being alone. And alone doesn't imply 'lonely'. Been to PS very often these days. Only saw that there are pictures on the floor (route from mrt to PS) coz i walked alone. Doubt i'll notice if i'm yakking with someone beside me.
Will I become dull and muted if i end up being alone and a spinster one day?
What if its my 'personal legend' (refer to The ALchemist) to be a twin? NOOOoooo...
Wait, my personal legend is to be a tai-tai... yay

After establishing that i am indeed a Gemini, another realisation made me understand why this Gemini is so crap at communication. Geminis are supposed to be the chatty kind who can always come up with good conversations. Not me. I'm a social leper. So i can't be a Gemini. But i AM definitely part of a twin! So I'm a Gemini. YadddaYaddaaaaa...
Simple. Coz i have ASD lah.
And its getting more serious with age...

Was seriously upset when things I've been expecting to happen didn't happen.
So ... don't fly me aeroplane please.
Coz i'm autistic.

This siao, autistic Gemini...

Bloodthirsty

2007-07-18T22:05:00.000+08:00

I think I have never felt such a strong urge to murder someone before.

Know that I was a spitefire with a nasty temper when I was in PrimarySchool.
Thought I'm already better.

But now guess I gotta sing this:
"It was so long ago, but its all coming back to me..."

Somebody, save the boy.

五月天 - 孫悟空

2007-07-17T23:17:00.001+08:00

Mayday. Again. For my own viewing pleasure. Haha
Finally found one with ok quality, but words so tiny.
Enjoy

五月天忘詞MV 清晰版

2007-07-17T23:09:00.001+08:00

Another one I like

垃圾車

2007-07-17T23:05:00.001+08:00

Funny Song

Floodgates

2007-07-16T23:33:00.001+08:00

Nope, not tears.
Saliva.
When i stopped. I can't start.
Once i start, i can't seem to stop.
Its all about inertia and momentum right? haha

Friday

Sis and I baked some muffins- Yoghurt and Lemon flavoured. I thought they tasted alright. Just need to be sweeter. But sis found them horrid. Anyway, she threw them out because she reckoned no one would wanna eat them haha.

Saturday

Supposed to watch Harry Potter at 10pm. When we reached the theatre, saw 4 of our friends standing there, telling us that there were no seats left. At first, we thought they were joking, that they were waiting for the rest. How could there be no seats? They went in and saw pple already on our seats and they were holding the tix indicating the same seat numbers.
Apparently, there were duplication of tix during booking.
Wasn't really involved in the whole saga, but thought the management didn't handle the situation very well. And they really need to check the up the dictionary on the word: 'compensation'.

Firstly, ushers went in to call the pple on the seats to come out. They thought we should have the seats because we have already booked the tix a few days ago whilst those pple bought on that day itself. DUH? Do they think we want to evict them? They were already comfortably on their seats and the show has already started... It doesn't make donkey sense to make those pple suffer for the computer system's mistake. They were also victims...
The management kept on saying that they understand and they will compensate us.
Compensation:
"We'll sign these ticket stubs, and you can return any day, any time to watch the movie again"
WHAT?! You're just giving us back what we've paid for in the first place and you have the cheek to call it compensation? Hello?!
What about the dampened spirits? What about E (who would usually be late) was on time for once because she took cab? What about the time that 8 of us wasted in travelling there? And we have to go back again to watch....?!

They then offered to let us watch Harry Potter at later time slots. Initially said there were still seats for 1.15am show. TOO LATE for us. They suggested 12.45am, though only front row seats are left. Erm... 12.45am is ALOT earlier than 1.15am i suppose.
Basically, they are crap at pacifying pple.

Anyway, after haggling from E, who was very fierce (steady man... haha) we finally got something that resembled compensation:
1. Refund for our tickets
2. 2 movie vouchers per person.

Makes more sense, but still feels weird. Coz we were supposed to be watching movie! Luckily my autism is not that severe, else i'll be throwing a fit.

So instead of watching movie, we went KTV. haha!
The package was till 4 am... *snore* And its expensive ... but at least there's the refund from our movie tix to 'subsidise' us haha

And at 12am, they played this game: Zhong Ji Mi Ma (the taiwanese variety gameshow where you'll be kicked out if you guessed that number) Maximum 2 representatives from the various rooms. There were about 10 participants in total.
And D won haha! (so he concluded that he should never buy 4D or Toto. Coz he'll never get the number right haha!) The grand prize for winning- one free jug of drink...
Reached home at 4 plus and slept at 5 plus... zzZzz

To complete my ktv-intensive weekend, went K-lunch with hui & xian. Was fun and we get to listen to nice songs =)
Unfortunately, really too tired to hang out after that... just went home to catch a few winks.

Okie.
That's my weekend.

Drool Alert!

2007-07-16T23:21:00.000+08:00

Ever held on to some pole on the public bus and it feels sticky? Wet? (Or am I the only unfortunate one?)

Was on 334 the other day and saw this Malay kid licking the pole. (He's not even a baby, already 5 years old? According to Freud, he's in oral fixation stage? Isn't he abit too old for that?!)

The bus was very uncomfortable and crowded. I was pissed. That tasting incident didn't help. I just felt like going: "EEEE, so dirty."
A little malay girl (whom i thought was Indian because of her dressing) went on to assume the position and held on to that pole. Miraculously, she missed the spot he licked on. I felt like saying " Don't hold that part, one dirty little boy licked on it just now"
Somehow, she just didn't touch the sticky area.

Later, I realised that she's the sister of that very Malay boy. Maybe she knows about her bro's perchant for public poles: The ever delicious Metal-flavoured lolly.

ANYWAYz

YUCK.

My Past Life

2007-07-16T22:41:00.000+08:00

Haven't updated in some time- snagged a draft written some time ago. haha!
_________________________________________________________

I told fav I must have been a cat in my past life.

She said she feels the same. haha

Maybe we were all cats *meow*

Anyway, reason why I say that.

My primary school chinese teacher is this interesting chap with lotsa stories to tell us. He's the Jack Neo of Jurong loh. (Emerged with this phrase, coz just heard from a friend that his teacher used to tell him that Commonwealth Sec School is the RI of Jurong haha!)

Oh, oh... i feel a need to digress.

Went to D's friends convo on 4th July. One of his buddy is currently teaching Commonwealth Sec before he goes NIE. Which is now at the old RV site at Teban. (Hey! And i think RV moved to Commonwealth area b4...?!)

Another of D's buddy was the one who studied at the RI of Jurong.

Summarising our Commonwealth ties:
1. BL teaching at Commonwealth Sec
2. Dan used to study at Commonwealth Sec
3. I stay next to old Commonwealth Sec (Sis used to study there) & currently Commonwealth Sec is located at old RV site (I used to study at RV)
4. D= Out of point.

Anywayz, coz we had dinner quite late, @ 11.30, we had to take cab home. Jokingly told cab uncle: (We were juz talking amongst ourselves actually, din think uncle knew what we were talking about. haha)
"Uncle, first drop this guy who is teaching at Commonwealth Sec. Next, drop this lady who stays at the block next to the old Commonwealth Sec. Lastly, drop this guy who really used to study at Commonwealth Sec."
Well. Private joke.

Ok. Back to Mr Yap. He had this theory: Basically when translated from Chinese, it implied that when 1 person says it, its crap. When 2 persons say so, its of some credibility. When 3 persons mention it, its the TRUTH.

3 persons who have called me a meow:

Shall give JM the honor of being the first la. He said I'm like a cat. Always leaning here and there. Like very lazy. Thanks uh. I appreciate it. *snarl*

Next, XL, the girl who sat next to me in sec4. Her nickname for me is 'GarGar' (not some lovey-dovey thingy like darling= DarDar) Its simply short for Garfield.
Not too far from the truth ya?! Sleepy, droopy eyes and immense interest in FOOD.

The most recent- S, my colleague. One day, she juz suddenly commented " You remind me of a cat"
Now she calls me Kitty Cat.

So over a period of 10 years, I've been linked to cats.

Of course, its not just based on these people's comments. I used to hate when pple commented that i'm like a cat. Upon reflection... i AM indeed quite cattish. Nua qualities firmly in place. I'm not sure about having 9 lives though...

I used to hate the black cat that lurks around my void deck and flashed its green eyes at me every morning. And the one cat i used to hate the most is the Persian cat. Thought its the worst breed ever- high and mighty, sleeps on armchairs and lush carpets, have luxurious food etc. You get the idea. Ironically, NOW, if i have to be a cat, I so want to be a Persian Cat- Its the tai-tai of Cats society.

Dream on, alley cat.

Wo shi mao, meow meow meow...

Days of Our Lives

2007-07-08T14:20:00.000+08:00

The only other person I know who watched 'Days of Our Lives' was my gf from Hwachong. And we are not proud of it. Could still remember that we were strolling around the amphitheatre when i sheepishly admitted that instead of studying for A'Levels, i was watching 'Days of our Lives'. And to surprisingly.... she revealed that she watched that as well. She was equally sheepish. haha!

'Like sand through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives"

Anyway... just thought of some of the days that have passed.

Friday had been good. Didn't pluck rambutans afterall. Coz was discussing Racial Harmony with D. (colleague) But we did have dinner after school. 5 of us- Phuah, M, D, Muah and myself. Although they are 8,9,10,12 years older than me, still had a good time. Nice people to hang out with. Coincidentally, was still talking to hui about hanging out that day. haha

And went to JE with sis after gym ysty. Gosh. We spent a few hours there. Hey, but we did go to the library.

Uh. TOo lazy to write anymore.

Don't Usually Check

2007-07-05T22:34:00.000+08:00

Sorry folks, I don't usually check if I have comments... so I just noticed Meiren's offer to lend me the book. And JUST saw Zhuz site for FOC book =)

Thanks Zhuz!

Had thought of putting up a tagboard. But my blog is this very rural spot lah... like building a condo in a sparsely-populated village. Don't bother =p
Don't malu myself also.
haha!

My Extraordinary Ah-Q Spirit

2007-07-05T21:36:00.000+08:00

I realised that my Title is often unrelated to what I babble for the content.
Guess its just this 'tagline' that stands out from my random thoughts.

Before i forget: YES Meiren, I want The Alchemist please! Thank you! (Didn't find a single Paul Coelho book at Woodlands Branch. There were like 8 copies of his books at Jurong... DUh.)

Juz read my sis' blog and i regret to say... Resolutions are meant to be broken. Erm. Or at least for the very first week. Things will get better next week! At least I say so.
But one sliver lining... I've finally finally registered for piano lessons =P
I realise that I don't do anything unless on impulse. I wandered into the school, asked lotsa questions. Walked out and went back in on the same day. (Despite knowing that there is also a Yamaha at Sbwang, and that Civic centre should also have music school...)
And when I went back home, Mom told me that my sis' private teacher years ago is still teaching (she taught me almost 18 yrs ago too hah) ... and her rate is cheaper.
ANYWAYZ, i have signed up and I'm starting lessons soon. No regrets. Fullstop.

Long long looooong time ago, when i was talking to Mo on the phone, and I was telling her how I think in an Ah-Q manner. Coincidentally, I called myself a 'optimistic pessimist' haha.
I happen to have a lot of Ah-Q thoughts today.

I get angry at my kids (thus dooming my resolutions) because I notice enough what they are doing to get irritated
I flare up at my kids because I care enough to want them to do the right thing
I get irritated on public transport because my mind is clear enough to see people and 'dramas' around me
I didn't do enough exercise this week because i need to lose the flesh first. (meaning eat less)
I'm ugly so that its easier look better
I'm still fat because it takes time to slim down.
I'm still procrastinating because it takes time to change
A leopard never changes its spots. But its ok, I'm not a leopard. I'm just the neighbourhood alley cat (more about that in other posts... if i remember haha)
Short. (No redeeming thought available =/ Shall talk about that obession later, prob in another post...if i remember...hahaha)

Just some examples ... Basically, I suddenly realised that my mind is bustling with observations on the MRT... something that has not happened for quite a while because the mind was busy being bogged down by other issues Hence, my personal Ah-Q conclusion:

Although the sights/observations may not always be pretty... thoughts, no matter how much they irritate you, indicate that the heart is in the right frame of mind. (Meaning that if you are in the dumps, you won't give a shit about what is happening around you. haha)

Anyway, let's talk about some happy stuff

Things to look forward to:

Rambutan-plucking after school with Muah and Phuah
Dinner @ AMK after plucking
2 hrs of Gym classes on Sat? Please please please?
Start of piano lessons
Convo with R and A? (implying no school on wed?)
Making pass the Half-year mark?
KTV
Making progress with resolutions? (Pls lah...)

By the way, 2 persons I noticed on the train:
1. Aged: 50plus man who is bald. He was scratching his head. And there are some sores, some scabs. Scratch Scratch, flick, flick flick.

2. Aged: ~3 year-old boy. Sitting on Mom's lap looking bored. Moved his teeny index finger towards the nose. He looked like he wanted to dig his nose. Funny thing is, he missed. Took a few tries to poke his finger into his nostril. haha! (I assure you there is no boogey)

2 terrific words I've been using in my PPT and infecting my ASD boy with:

THE END

Way Back Into Love (full version)

2007-07-03T09:42:00.001+08:00

Nice Song

Books

2007-07-02T19:36:00.000+08:00

Btw, have also finished almost 3 other books over the week...

One is Stealing Adda, which is just alright. Cheesy romance. Fullstop.

Done with Paul Coelho. (The Devil and Miss Prym) It features quite a lot on the struggles between the devil and light within self. Ultimately, the message is probably that good and evil will both exist, but essentially, one's choice determines the final verdict. Think I'm gonna actively search for Veronika Decides to Die and also The Alchemist. Slightly more intelligent stuff than what I usually read, yet at the same time won't destroy too much brain cells.

Still reading The Petty Details of So-and-So's Life by Camilia Gibb. Quite painful to read. Coz the characters in the book aren't exactly leading beautiful lives. Not sure whether its gonna have a happily-ever-after ending... but probably gonna read till the end since i'm almost done with it...

Mid-Year Resolutions

2007-07-02T19:13:00.000+08:00

People always say that new year resolutions always fail to work out. Hence, shouldn't have any. But they forget to mention that mid-year resolutions should be made. Mid-year resolutions are the best and always have the best results. Or at least i say so.

School:

Finish lesson plan by Sundays
Do at least 1/2 of resources required by weekend
Reach School by 11am every day
Finish required admin work 1 day before due date
Refrain from losing temper with babies
Read an article about special needs once a week

Personal:

Lose 4kg by the end of the year (bloody hell... so difficult. Sigh)
Jog at least twice a week (refer to 1)
Go to gym at least once a week (refer to 1)
No carbo/sweets after 8.30pm (refer to 1)
Avoid denial. Hop scale once every 2 days (refer to 1)
Learn Piano (unrelated to 1)
Curb spending on self
Save up to 25% of income. TOUGH. Make it 20%... (refer to 6,7)
Be more attentive to family and friends
Reflect. Every week.
Live life meaningfully.

Okie... I think I'm aiming too high... If i do exercise 3 times a week and learn piano. 4 out of 7 days are taken up. So will I have time to finish stuff at school and also be more attentive towards important people. Hmm...

But mid-year resolutions are bound to see results. So no harm aiming high right?

hur hur hur

Forgot about another resolution.

Be more environmentally friendly:

Use less toilet paper, tissue paper, plastic bags
Use less water (for clothes for shower for beverage)
Switch off lights, laptop and TV before i sleep (guilty =/)
Set timer for air-con, hi-fi.

Bubblegirl

2007-07-02T02:36:00.001+08:00

Watched Bubbleboy around this time last year at Bintan with hui and fav.

Thought of it, coz i realised that I am quite a bubblegirl.
Roundness aside... i cease to see a larger world.

Self-centred bubblegirl.

Twisted.

2007-06-29T00:56:00.000+08:00

Waiting for 502 after gym last nite... and was seriously pained to see how pple drive.
Accidents waiting to happen.
And cringed to see this cab-driver shouting at another driver although he was in the wrong.

Saw this heavily pregnant woman carrying a laptop. Back from work?
Poor life...

Still reading book. Good, evil, good & evil.

Decided to wake up earlier, go school earlier. Come home earlier. Sleep earlier.
Room shall be a purely slacking place. Work- living room desktop and school.

Aiming, to climb at least a mountain, before my bones crackle. Do community service overseas, before i'm am reduced to an old freak.

Still need to lose weight. Definitely before my Levi's vouchers expire. 5 months.

Too lazy to think and compose complete sentences.

Good nite.

How?

2007-06-25T22:21:00.000+08:00

I have no idea how you do it.
But you just know.

Focus more on what's done,
Not what's said...

Smile
=D

Short note of Observation

2007-06-25T01:09:00.000+08:00

I realise that I don't blog.
I digress.

Maybe its because i went Cameron and Taiwan... Maybe its coz its D's bday and mine, hence a busy period.

But i notice that i write a lot less here when i'm supposed to have more time on my hands.

Now that i'm gonna start work, i'm back here!

So all i do is: Digress.

Biggest Ambition in Life

2007-06-25T00:14:00.000+08:00

I never thought that I'd say this.
But my biggest ambition in life is to be a tai-tai.
Not housewife or ah-soh. Its tai-tai.
Was telling meiren on the bus juz now that it is really the most desirable option in my life right now.
To be a tai-tai.
And together we explored the wonderful benefits of being one:
We don't have to work at all. We can bake or cook stuff at home. (in our well-equipped kitchen of coz...)
We can dilly-dally at home, iron a few shirts or sweep the floor abit if we're bored. (I don't really need maid coz I don't have children)
If we have nothing to do, we can read books (tai-tai buy books, not go library.)
We can go shopping, and when we're tired, go for a manicure or pedicure.
Also, we can ask friends to hang out and go for high tea.
We can free-lance, IF we feel like it. Furthermore, we can do volunteer work when we want to.

Cool. haha!
Meiren said that its probably every single girl's dream to be a tai-tai... yep. Who in their right frame of mind would reject the possibility of being a tai-tai?! Of coz, some ladies wanna be career woman and fight it out at the rat race out there. But one has the choice as to whether to work or stay at home. That is to say, if the woman suddenly decides that her boss or employees are hateful, she can afford to toss her resignation stylishly on the table and just leave. And go back home to lead her tai-tai lifestyle. And this is not to say that tai-tais have to be bimbotic ladies who stay at home all day and are ignorant or talk only about how sparkling their diamonds are or how expensive the new water feature is . Essentially being a tai-tai implies: My husband has the cash. I can choose the lifestyle i want.

Actually...
I should seriously sit down and reflect properly what I want to do in the next few years... Not like i'm getting any younger. And wanting to be a tai-tai is absolutely desirable but i have yet to know any 'golden turtle'. PLEASE recommend me one... A semi-blind one would be most welcome.

Well... that's the long-term ambition at least.

For the short-term "ambition"... i aim to lose 2kg in 3months... haha... not sure whether its attainable. Maybe i'm not even ambitious enough.
But i can't keep growing fatter. Given the looming GST hike in July, it doesn't make economic sense to gain weight. I can't afford to buy new clothes =/

ANywayz. That's is about all for ambition. For now.
Hopefully I come up with something with more spunk soon.

Reflect. Don't just dream. Ha ha ha

Lin Yu Zhong - Shi Lian Xue

2007-06-24T12:30:00.001+08:00

Desperado

2007-06-24T12:05:00.001+08:00

by Emi Fujita.
She has this lovely soothing voice...
Dunno why video like that though.
But still worth a listen! Enjoy!

Demis Roussos - Rain And Tears (Live In Bratislava)

2007-06-19T01:39:00.001+08:00

Hey... YouTube is Fabulous.

So I've been doing work?

2007-06-19T00:45:00.002+08:00

Well... back to blogative mode (derived from talkative)

Came back a while ago from D's place... which is only like 90 minutes away... which means that I can finish watching the lovely Legend of the Sea once through, and still have 17 minutes of spare time to cringe. Its actually the first time I've travelled from his place back home via bus/train. Other times... i've been fuelling the cab economy. But its not like i've been there many times.
Anywayz, guess i could empathise the times he had to travel back home from My place. Though not alot of times also.

Was reading this book by Paulo Coelho called The Devil and Miss Prym on the train back. Pretty intriguing so far. He was also the one who wrote Veronika Decides to Die, which i have been wanting to read since a friend mentioned it during JC years. Coincidentally, Sis just mentioned that she should re-read that book. And i borrowed "The Devil", not knowing that "Veronika" is also by Coelho.

Its kinda uncanny really, how things or issues recently mentioned by someone pops up in other ways. For instance, D was just telling me on Thursday night about this Taiwan Porridge he liked. On Friday afternoon (the very next day, mind you...) , I saw in the news that this the place, together with other restaurants at indoor stadium must shift.

Just a few hours ago, i was contemplating throwing out some old stuff i had to clear my pig-sty... and over msn, HX was telling me about the old letters and stuff which she just dug up and have threw out...

One of the most uncanny incident was getting lost with QX while going to East Coast Park. That happened donkey years ago. (Sec 4) He's a hopeless directionless donkey, and I was a donkey to have gone with him, not knowing that he's crap at directions. Anyway... we ended walking around Kallang/Katong area, and finally found our way there after hoping onto 197. Well, i was the smarter donkey. At least i know that 197 can get us nearer to ECP. Anyway...guess the point was, freakily enough, i got into VJC for first TWO months. SO i got to pass by the routes i previously got lost at just a month ago...

Sometimes, am not sure whether the mind is being more sensitive to certain topics, things or places after having heard about them. Hence 'coincidences' occur more readily. Or perhaps its really the Uncanny (*shudder* reminds me of the Gothic paper in JC. Could never understand how to write about Gothicism properly...)

Erm. I have no idea how laments over the long trip home led to all this but...
Hey, i finished another novel. Not bad also. Its called Dixieland Sushi by Cara Lockwood (btw, IF you are doing a Gothic paper, you'd be oohooh and ahh-ahhing over the name : LOCKWOOD. I think some character from Wuthering Heights has this name la. So according to our lecturer, it has deeper meaning- something hard, stoic. And possibly repressed. Coz its all locked up and stuff...See. I don't get Gothic! Whatever...)

Anyway. The book talks about a half-Japanese, half-white 30-year old heroine with this wildly funny family and this cute guy in her life of coz. (why do cute guys only occur in fiction? hmm..) Interestingly enough, it is also structured such that there are flashbacks and the present are continually juxtaposed. (Just like Separation Anxiety) Well, do check it out if you want something light...
Also been wanting to check out The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People after zhuz mentioned it... But I've never been a big fan of Self-help or Motivational Books. I don't usually make it beyond the first chapter...I'm more of a trashy-book person. No wonder I've never been effective or efficient. Sigh.

Okie.
Think that's all for NOW.
Be back when i'm doing work
wahah!

陳奕迅-愛情轉移mv

2007-06-19T00:45:00.001+08:00

MORE Eason =p

陳奕迅 - 淘汰

2007-06-19T00:41:00.001+08:00

Kinda like Eason recently. Like his voice and also the lyrics.
Enjoy!

Of Coincidences and Conscience.

2007-06-17T20:41:00.000+08:00

Bumped into a few people from different phases in my life
Saw A at gym. (Sis's friend, who is also now a friend of mine after Taiwan trip)
Then walked into YN, also at gym (Choir senior whom i was close to for a while coz of U.S trip)
Stared into A at Watsons (Coursemate from NIE)
Saw YD at NTUC (someone i knew from NVAC)
Also saw LZ ysty at Queensway (Blockhead from Kent Ridge who used to knock on my door to force me to go for block meetings. haha)
Actually I always have this paranoia if I'd ever bump into people i didn't want to see. I think its pretty tragic to walk around knowing that there is this one or two persons you'd want to hide your face from. Its important to have a clear conscience ya?

Seeing people from your past is a bit like stumbling upon a familiar smell. Have you ever smelled something (be it a shampoo, perfume, shower foam, air freshener... or whatever) and you recalled something that happened during that period. For instance, i'd smell a certain shampoo and remember i was having this exam paper; or i used to use this brand of shower foam/perfume when i was spending time with a particular friend. (I used to have a Pri school classmate who liked to smell my hair- the brand i was using was Ginvera ahha... wonder if she'd still think of me if she smelled it again)
Anyway, seeing these people brought back different memories of my past... And interestingly enough they don't overlap and are unrelated to one another. So over the course of 2 days, quite abit of my personal history was stirred up... haah!

Anyway, think i am feeling slightly poignant again because i have just finished reading a book (freshly picked from the library just a few hours ago =p)
Its called Separation Anxiety by Karen Brichoux (also the author of COffee and KUng-Fu... which i'm writing down so that i'd remember to borrow it haha)

The plot is structured such that both the past and present of the heroine's memories are featured simultaneously. The heroine wanted to "break-up" with a friend since she has known since she was six. Bundled with memories of her family and with her friend, we learn more about her and walking with her through secrets, realisation and self-discovery.
ANyway... i am crap at writing book reviews... so guess i'll end off with saying i enjoyed the book and it is definitely more meaningful than those thrashy ones i normally occupy my eyes with. (else i wouldn't have devoured 233 pages in... 3 hours?)

And you know how hopeless romantics always wish to have this lovely childhood friend/boy-next-door/best-friend type who knows you inside-out, whom you know you can depend your life on, whom you'd immediately turn to when you need a shoulder to cry on... *Major Awwww*
But of coz, that's only a fantasy. No such thing in real life. Not in my own life at least. Not that I mind really... I'm old and pragmatic enough not to feel any regret for this sort of thing... ahah
Well, I'm contented to reserve my romantic streak for fiction from the library. haha
Ultimately, there are some men you gawk at, and some men you MARRY. I observe a pattern from my colleagues' partners...

Digressions.
Told Muah that if i ever have children (which i seriously doubt i would...) I'd teach him/her CONFIDENCE. Realised that with confidence, so much can be achieved... and he/she can live through life a much happier person.
Next thing i wanna teach is EQ. She said you learn about EQ from the experiences in life... which is true ya? Well, one can be damn brilliant or wildly efficient, but with no EQ... its bound to get people's backs up...

So my kids will be armed with: Confidence coupled with EQ.
Studies can come later.
That is because I would a tai-tai and my children can lead a comfortable, leisurely life. They can be average students but still be successful in life because they have Confidence and EQ and also money from their dad's reserve to have them start some businesses. haha
Then again, i think my children should be pretty smart to begin with because my partner must have dazzled me with his intelligence in the first place. Smart parents usually produce smart children right? haha

Too much digressions.

Lazy

2007-06-16T22:13:00.000+08:00

Been too lazy to write anything in this space haha... which implies that I'm am not doing any school work...
Like all other holidays, i have no idea why time must fly ...in the blink of an eye. Poof. Gone.
Now with only ONE week of holiday left and ZERO work done, feeling kinda down liaoz haha
Apparently, life after NIE really ONLY left me with more time to procrastinate... GOSH. I'm disgusting haha!

SIgh.
Think I better write some proper sentences before I become some airhead. (Even Paris Hilton has decided that she wanna stop pretending to be stupid.)

-THURSDAY-
Watched one extremely awful movie - Legend of the Sea. Its this cheena lousy animation. Lousy script, lousy storyline, lousy EVERYTHING and amateur animation. If you think the facial expressions of the characters in The Polar Express look fake... Legend is 100 times worse. There's nothing to see! I think those who did the animation and script are absolutely lazy. Did they look through the crap before deciding that its ready for screening? Coz it definitely SHOULD NOT be shown. No coherence whatsoever. 73 minutes of my life were wasted on this crap. Geez. I think its more worth it if i spend this time procrastinating my life away. haha! Its SO damn bloody awful, especially when this monster octopus started singing with her sidekicks- ridiculously off- pitch! There were instances I couldn't stop sniggering. Not because its funny. Its incredulously HORRID, thats why.
And if you're wondering why the hell we watched it... D has got $5 tix to watch either this movie or Ocean's Thirteen on Thursday. No prize for guessing who chose to watch the animation... haha!
Actually, over the years, there is only ONE Chinese movie i watched at a theatre, and didn't feel that its a waste of my money: Kung-Fu Hustle. (hey, but to give local movies credit... Just Follow Law is not too bad also)
Anyway... whoever wrote or made Legend of the Sea please please PLEASE stay away from this industry forever. It is evident that they have no flair or whatsoever in this field. Or perhaps they're just really plain lazy and have no pride in what they are doing. It must be so humiliating to be associated with this film in my opinion... and its embarrassing to have watched it. URgH! Well. At least i didn't pay for it. But still... *shudder*

-FRIDAY-
Went shopping with HX at Far East Plaza. Maybe i haven't been in the loop for ages...but there were so many things to buy!!! That girl bought 4 pairs of shoes, and a few tops. She would have bought another pair of shoes if i didn't stop here... ahaha! I'm fared pretty well myself- 2 pairs of shoes and 3 tops? The scary thing is we met up at 2plus and finished at 8 plus.(minus 1 hr of dinner...) We only managed to cover the basement! Had wanted to shop at Level 2, and even Tangs. But well... no time. haha!
Also went to have a haircut. Not used to it but can live with it la.
ANywayz, did have a good time shopping and sharing a few laughs with that woman.

-SATURDAY-
Well. Supposed to go kayaking with colleagues and have dinner with D. But both didn't materialise. That man need to ZZZ. Its kinda disgusting how busy one can get. Whenever i hear of his plans for the week, i feel tired on his behalf liao. haha
Anywayz, FINALLY made my way back to gym classes. Went for yoga and combat today. i've become so unfit from the lack of exercise. Fortunately my favourite instructor wasn't being too sadistic today, else i'd have died in there. Totally SHIOK. Must really make a point to go gym more often. Disgustingly FAT. Been feeling VERY grouchy because my clothes are so tight.
Actually... i did make a point to exercise la... (hey, i still jog, though very slow, think too fat liao, legs cannot tahan. haha! And i climbed stairs instead of taking lift 90% of the time...) but then again, my mouth has been working the fastest and hardest recently... and my willpower is definitely taking a break. Oh. I forgot. "Willpower" has never been in my dictionary. haha
Perpetual guest stars in my dictionary:

FAT
Procrastinate
Lazy
sleepy
spend
cab
late
FAT
stone
procrastinate
FAT
FATTER

Well. You get the idea.

Ah qing- yi shi de mei hao

2007-06-16T13:14:00.001+08:00

Musically-inclined people are juz so sexy...

Busy with play

2007-06-06T18:59:00.000+08:00

Its already the second week of school holidays! How scary is that?! And I have not done any work or planning or cleaning etc... Time flies when one is having fun. How very true.

Ended the term with Cameron Trip.

Then spent days planning for D's bday.

Final Product

Its supposed to be a coffee cheesecake. Not very appetitising right? Haha!

Then spent time packing and gettting ready for Taipei trip.
Then spent days in Taipei. Haha
Just came back from Taipei last night. IT was an enjoyable trip with good company. Took over 400 photos ... Just some snapshots, to document the trip...

~Day 1~
Arrived at Royal Castle Hotel at about 7plus. Saw fav and J the moment we got down from the bus. My first thought was- HEY! What a coincidence! Is Taipei so small that we bump one another on the streets?!

Well, actually they were waiting for us/me and brought a cake to celebrate my birthday. Was pleasantly surprised... so sweet of them =)

So its the first time i get to spend bday overseas.

Nice Box with Question Mark Candle. (Yes, I'm only 21)

My bday cake. Yummy!

(Much better than D's cake. Hahah!)

Shih Lin Night Market

Snippets

~Day 2~

Wu Lai - Wu Fen Pu- Rao He

Nice View

Waterfall

Xiao Huo Che

Lao Jie

Giant Meatballs

Heading for Wu Fen Pu

At Wu Fen Pu

(Sis, A & Me are not sure why so many pple are so enthusiastic about this place... most of the time, we were trying to muster enthusiasm for the cheap stuff there... Didn't buy much... virtually bought othing there. =p )

Rao He Night Market

Who is the woman behind the 'mask'? Haha

After 2 days of night markets, we decided that we had enough. Haha... Took a train back to Taipei Main Station.

That's about it for Day 1 and 2... and I'm too lazy to upload anymore pics... so well, till next time!

ZzZzZz

2007-05-29T02:27:00.000+08:00

Its already 2am... but i'm still waiting for the cake to cool...Think I'm kinda stupid for baking at night...now i'll have to wait... and i'll look like a panda tmr... darn!
Anywayz.. maybe i should just record my Cameron Highlands Trip.
Although short, it was fun, relaxing and most importantly, the weather is so cool, so unlike bloddy humid Singapore =p

Saturday Evening's Temperature (20.9 degrees!)

Sunday Morning's

Just love the natural air-conditioning up there =p And because the weather is so lovely, everything grows well at Cameron. According to the guide, Cameron Highlands has four 'fragrances' (xiang1 in chinese) - hua xiang (flowers); cha xiang (tea); guo xiang (fruits) and sheez. I forgot the last xiang. Oh, cai xiang (vegetables)
And indeed, the flowers are larger, brighter and prettier there. An example:

Hua Xiang (Flowers)

Look at this! We do know the name of this flower when we see it in Singapore. But somehow those locally don't do its name justice at all!

Cha Xiang (Tea)

Well... just look at the rolling hills of tea leaves.

Guo Xiang (Fruits)

Cameron is also famous for its strawberries. Slightly overrated i must say... but still, they are pretty yummy and cost a lot less there.

Cai Xiang (Vegetables)

I'm not sure about the vegetables, but we can see the 'natives' at Cameron selling vegetables everywhere we go. Btw, notice that there are leaves surrounding the cauliflower and broccoli? I wonder why we don't see those in Singapore...

Well.. hopefully my cake is ready for fridge... but one last picture

Nothing special? Look at the chinese translation for 'Strawberry'... HAHA!

Yadda ... and its Friday

2007-05-25T03:52:00.000+08:00

Written a few days ago...

Its Parent-Teacher Conference Week
I'm gonna meet the parents and tell them:
"I have taught your child nothing this semester.Oh, pls sign here. Thanks and goodbye."

Brooding.

And D is in Desaru. Won't be back till Wed.

Sigh.

Ta da...

Its already Friday morning... D is already back... had dinner at Suntec. If you've read the papers, you'd know about the new Food Republic that is decorated like a library. Its really nice! and the people who clear plates and trays have nicer work clothes than me. haha!
We then went to Candy Empire and i'm gonna grow fatter coz D bought me 2 large packets of assorted biscuits/cookies for snacks for Cameron... Hai4 ren2 jing1!!!
Millenia Walk is a peaceful place during weekdays... There are so many empty seats at every cafe there -Coffee Bean, Starbucks, O'briens, TCC and Coffee Club ... In the end, we decided to choose which one to go to by looking at the seats. Coffee Club won. ( Try Iced-Earl Grey Vanilla, pretty good stuff)
Walked back to Suntec to buy stuff for class party tmr. Pray that i can wake up in time to prepare the food... zZzz

And i'm still getting ready to go Cameron ... actually not ready. haha pack pack pack
I dunno why i have the tendency to pack loads of things... too kiasu i suppose... the need to be self-sufficient... i rather bring extra then have to succumb to 'accidents' and dependency haha
Hope that it'll be a fun trip. 40 over people haha... think shutter-happy me will have lotsa work to do... And hope that K will be pleasantly surprised to see me. After all, he's my not-so-subtle 'secret' admirer. =p

Tired.
Should sleep.

Its Friday of Week 10, of Term 2.
Cheers!

tIME dWINDLER

so long, farewell

reputation and preconception

In retrospect.

AND...!

books and musings

Fire.

history

Madness.

A streetcreed named denial

why, where, how shall she begin

Oren Lavie - The Man Who Isn't There (lyrics)

[MV] 陳綺貞 - 太多

Tell me why

Cynic

No way.

Thought processes and paranoia

Farewell 2008

Messing Around.

A First

Reflection

Lazy Saturday

Content. Me Gloria, you Jean

I like this

Wait.

As You Like it

"The Heart Asks the Pleasure First"

My Lucky Day!

My lovely Ah Bu

What's Up?

Aye Eye!

For better, or for worse

Pray Hard.

Forget, and Forget about forgiving

Regulate. Regulate?

Psycho

I forgot...

Clutter, cluttering, cluttered

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

We are so young...

Term2 Week 1

Clean and Clear

Egg White and Cucumber

Sundown Marathon

Love & Marriage

This millionaire

Happy New Year, Happy V-day, Happy Birthdays

Oddball

Settling ...

Cokey?

West Side Story-I Feel Pretty

I Feel Pretty

Its 2008! (Blabber Version)

...

Creating Aura

GE Run

Sick stories

Updates

Run For Hope

recently

Muppet Show -

Uncanny 3

Hauntings

Uncanny Part Deux

Gemini with Autism

Bloodthirsty

五月天 - 孫悟空

五月天 忘詞MV 清晰版

垃圾車

Floodgates

Drool Alert!

My Past Life

Days of Our Lives

Don't Usually Check

My Extraordinary Ah-Q Spirit

Way Back Into Love (full version)

Books

Mid-Year Resolutions

Bubblegirl

Twisted.

五月天忘詞MV 清晰版