Its already 2021.

Because. Watched a video of a friend reading her poem. Prompted me to look for what i used to write. Waa laa... Here I am. Didn't even need to log in. Updates: 2020 has been a crazy year. 2021 continues to be so. The world has been hit, borders closed, and 'non-essential'services and activites sifted. What's important...? We no longer know. Nursing ache for travel. Taking off on a plane, treading on other lands... when? A photo. Just because.

Hello

Its been a while. Decided to drop a line as I stumbled upon this site. Did not even remember my blog. Found it on my history. Decided to put this weird photo because.... A tick on my bucket list! Business class- on budget air. Contented

I'm back

Again, found myself unable to begin. Deja vu !  (http://bolbell.blogspot.tw/2010/06/why-where-how-shall-she-begin.html)  

What should I write about?
How should I write ?
At least the why is now clear - 'cause I just want to ... ...? 
Well... probably so...
No cares about how well I write!
Hmm.. guess so...
No reservations about who will see
Erm... hopefully so...

But no doubt when the flurry of thoughts  Float aimlessly, dancing in the air
The words spin a more tangilble form - Have feelings captured, gathered, 
Locked in the definition by the author 
A firmer memory, then etched 
Years of escape, left pieces of history painfully vague 
Or should it be unpainfully?
Returning tentatively, to pluck at the scabs
They don't hurt anymore? 
Those old wounds, that still leave ugly brown remnants
Forever a part of you, no? 
Like scars that stamps a mark on body and minds 
So will those memory and feelings by words imprint
And perhaps not all bad？
So begin, shall we?
Trudge on It may be a brutal battlefield out there
But, expect Some victories!
Bottomline? Guess the message is-
I will be back.  
Hmm...  When I'm free ...
perhaps? 

P/S: the date published is to commerorate my last day of work,  And the beginning of slacky life

If anyone deserves to die, its us, horrible, scary, scheming beings. Us, devious and selfish adults.

Why should so many of them- innocent, guileless and happy- have to leave in such a manner

Cold. And its not just the weather..

so long, farewell

good bye 2010, hello 2011..
is this for real?!

One thing that has been bothering me... managing friendships and relationships
Unbelievable, given the superglue status we seemed to be in, I was actually given grief for not being the first one to sms during his birthday, taking time to reply sms...

never been able to reply promptly.. procrastination? Word-finding difficulty?
By the time i thought of something, it seemed too late to reply... and must find approproriate time as well- is the person asleep? is the person awake? etc...

and never really taken the liberty to organise gatherings and meet-up...
granted, the 2 years of tentative time-table (we seldom know the lectures for the following week, and we should always expect the unexpected- eg. they could email us on monday and want us to submit our thesis copies by wednesday- only 60 pages of everything x 4)
I apologise for my bad bad bad habit.
But i just couldn't rid of this habit...
I think i still belong to that era where we didn't have emails, pagers or handphones. If we're not at home, we're not at home. You can't contact me until i'm at home, coz there's only the home phone. And even if I'm at home, I could be in the loo, i could be sleeping. COntacting someone whenever one pleases was not expected...

I think being uncontactable is still too desirable sometimes... for me, at least

SOmehow, will always feel that the meeting place and time is screwed up, its not the best arrangement, or i fail to do something correct. Or if the food is sucky or place is boring, i'll feel bad .. and not be able to enjoy the company of my friends. I'll be constantly worrying if everyone is ok, if the place was a stupid choice etc... too much pressure.
maybe that's how i unconsciously avoid initiating gatherings
maybe that's why the gatherings i attempt to organise end up in shambles
maybe its a vicious cycle- i organise so rarely that i dunno how to organise a successful gathering
maybe its a talent one is born with?
maybe there's not such thing as a successful gathering?
i'm just thinking too much and considering too much and feeling too responsible for things that are not within control..? or are they?

Urgh. Guess bottom line is.. i am really adverse to organising stuff... i'd rather put up with food i'm not wild about than worry about whether the place i recommended is well-received.

Just like at Ubin- couldn't sleep as i was trying hard not too move.. until i selfishly relegated myself to the mattress on the floor...

Just tea at MOF with fav the other day. I wanted to offer the chair to a stranger so that the seating arrangement at the other table is more balanced...
Its nothing in particular, i just feel, if that person/group can feel more comfortable, why not......

what's wrong with me, why do i have to care whether other pple are comfortable? Friends and family maybe.. but strangers too?!

I have no idea how to explain it but think something is warped within the system...
i should be focusing more energies on pple who really matter...

Wait 2011.. i haven't had time to think what i want to do!
On the one hand, i want to spend time with friends whom i'll probably seldom get to see once work start...
yet at the same time, i need to be alone...

1 fake gemini. that's for sure.

reputation and preconception

Because of her reputation, finger is pointed at her without a second thought.

Just because there were no tears, no frowns... it was not until in retrospect, that I realise how much it must have hurt.

Just because of the bigger scheme of things, no one would care to prioritize the indignance of the misunderstood individual.

... sorry for asking that you wait, and take a back seat.

Religion- something that should bring peace and comfort. But why did it bring about strife and tears in relationships.

Look beyond reputation pls...
Preconception and assumptions.
Such enemies

Watched this documentary on Gothic cathedrals in France on SCV. Buildings made of stones in the past had tiny doorways, so as to support the weight of the entire building. Gothic architecture, however, revolutionized that.
Gothic architecture has three distinct characteristics which set it apart from Romanesque:
1. pointed arches
2. flying buttresses
3. ribbed vault
These developments allowed the architects to make the church much larger, higher and brighter. By transferring the weight of the ceilings outward thrust to the flying buttresses, they were now able to place huge stain glass windows in the walls which allowed the once dim Romanesque Cathedral to be transformed into a a bright Gothic Cathedral.
Sorry for the extra information... but i am really awestruck by how comprehensive the documentary was... so much so that even someone who has zilch knowledege about architecture could be so fascinated...

Our ancestors are amazing.. they have no sophisticated tools, but are able to construct such grand and beautiful buildings.
Our counterparts are equally amazing... inventing high-tech systems to deduce what our ancestors did and solve mysteries of the past...
Guess, the bottomline is, there are so so SO many things to learn about in this world... and that i'll never look at the cathedrals the same way again.
If only I can get to see them with my own eyes. Soon, I hope.