so long, farewell

good bye 2010, hello 2011..
is this for real?!

One thing that has been bothering me... managing friendships and relationships
Unbelievable, given the superglue status we seemed to be in, I was actually given grief for not being the first one to sms during his birthday, taking time to reply sms...

never been able to reply promptly.. procrastination? Word-finding difficulty?
By the time i thought of something, it seemed too late to reply... and must find approproriate time as well- is the person asleep? is the person awake? etc...

and never really taken the liberty to organise gatherings and meet-up...
granted, the 2 years of tentative time-table (we seldom know the lectures for the following week, and we should always expect the unexpected- eg. they could email us on monday and want us to submit our thesis copies by wednesday- only 60 pages of everything x 4)
I apologise for my bad bad bad habit.
But i just couldn't rid of this habit...
I think i still belong to that era where we didn't have emails, pagers or handphones. If we're not at home, we're not at home. You can't contact me until i'm at home, coz there's only the home phone. And even if I'm at home, I could be in the loo, i could be sleeping. COntacting someone whenever one pleases was not expected...

I think being uncontactable is still too desirable sometimes... for me, at least

SOmehow, will always feel that the meeting place and time is screwed up, its not the best arrangement, or i fail to do something correct. Or if the food is sucky or place is boring, i'll feel bad .. and not be able to enjoy the company of my friends. I'll be constantly worrying if everyone is ok, if the place was a stupid choice etc... too much pressure.
maybe that's how i unconsciously avoid initiating gatherings
maybe that's why the gatherings i attempt to organise end up in shambles
maybe its a vicious cycle- i organise so rarely that i dunno how to organise a successful gathering
maybe its a talent one is born with?
maybe there's not such thing as a successful gathering?
i'm just thinking too much and considering too much and feeling too responsible for things that are not within control..? or are they?

Urgh. Guess bottom line is.. i am really adverse to organising stuff... i'd rather put up with food i'm not wild about than worry about whether the place i recommended is well-received.

Just like at Ubin- couldn't sleep as i was trying hard not too move.. until i selfishly relegated myself to the mattress on the floor...

Just tea at MOF with fav the other day. I wanted to offer the chair to a stranger so that the seating arrangement at the other table is more balanced...
Its nothing in particular, i just feel, if that person/group can feel more comfortable, why not......

what's wrong with me, why do i have to care whether other pple are comfortable? Friends and family maybe.. but strangers too?!

I have no idea how to explain it but think something is warped within the system...
i should be focusing more energies on pple who really matter...

Wait 2011.. i haven't had time to think what i want to do!
On the one hand, i want to spend time with friends whom i'll probably seldom get to see once work start...
yet at the same time, i need to be alone...

1 fake gemini. that's for sure.