A Load of Bleh

Not sure what's wrong with me also
Unmotivated.
Like a dull pulse drumming away...
Feel really guilty that i am not doing more at work or NIE... I have NO IDEA what I'm doing.
i swear that my life and schedule is pretty much the same... We don't see each other that often, nor do we talk much on phone or online...
What is it then?

A thought suddenly struck me that day on the cab "Could it be that i cannot commit to anything/anyone for more than 3 years?"
I must say that Varsity days were probably the best years... but the last semester was really a struggle. My previous r/ship didn't last beyond 3 years too.
And now, its as if my energy and enthusiasm for my job is starting to wane ( 2.5 years.. approaching 3 years mark)
What's happening?!
I still love my kids, love my colleagues, love my school... love seeing them laugh and love how they make me laugh...
Yet... feel so weary and dreary at times.
Was it that i didn't do enough, hence the reluctance to face them?
Or was it that i am really done with this...
Really hope not, coz i still have 2 years of bond to go... jeez
Do i need something new?
Or should i just slap myself silly, and simply get my ass moving?!

Have also mentioned to a couple of friends that i feel as if i've lost part of me... or lost stuff ( whatever that is) along the way...
Emotions/compassion/passion (whatever) just goes dripping and leaking like a old knackered tanker as i trudged along...
Somehow lost the capacity to really think... all internal wonders or wanders are senseless without any conclusion, with no destination in mind...

Have absolutely no idea what i'm driving at too
Whoa, look at all the metaphor related to vehicles. Maybe i totally dig a car and i din realise it?! haha ... yeah right
crap