Farewell 2008

Its the very last day for this year, thought it would be good to do some pondering...
Just wanted to note this before I forgot, read it in a magazine while getting my new hairdo:
"The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese"
Very true, isn't it?

Anywayz...Fared well, 2008?

• completed marathon (nmind the timing!)
• scaled a mountain
• experienced via ferrata
• tried wide water rafting
• fulfilling year in school
• going back to study full time
• secured scholarship
• keeping friends, making friends
• went on a holiday
• eating well, keeping well

2008- year devoid of turbulence, just gurgling, bubbling ripples along the way. Year of simple contentment, of neat room , of regular exercise...

My resolutions for 2009 are also simple:

• Be the best student i can be
• Care for and be patient towards family and friends
• Train hard for marathon
• Join a mini-triathalon?
• Save more spend less
• Listen more, talk less
• Do more, dream less
• Give more, demand less
• Smile more, frown less
• Sleep more, eat less!

Finally... to be optimistic, contented and grateful for every thing, any thing that comes my way.

Messing Around.

While my once pristine room is still being buried with my mess from school...
here i am again, trying to bury myself in denial...
How could I have accumlated so much stuff in just 4 years?! I must have spent hundreds or maybe thousands of dollars on all those paper, craft, stationery, containers, baskets and files... If anyone needs pens, post-it, folders, drawing block, colored paper, flashcards, VCDs ETC... you know where to visit.
I have already postponed cleaning for weeks, all because i can't bear to even THINK how i can move my stuff around.
Actually my room was so clean that i know where to find my things. I know exactly where to find my old choir scores and year books. I know exactly where my old zo-cards and boxes for gadgets are...

But NOW? NOOOooooooo!!!

Jeez... really trying to reorganise my whole room to accommodate my "investment"...
And i swear i have given at least 75% of the stuff away to my colleagues...
How can i make the mess go away without throwing bits and pieces of my past away? (And I have already thrown away 4 bags last night...) I am thinking of throwing out NIE notes next...

Anyway... while trying to avoid the topic of room cleaning, i popped in for a shower and thought of my colleague's son. Lovely boy diagnosed with autism. While i was sitting alone guarding the sacred ang pow box, i observed him when he came into the cafe-he was skirting around DOME during another colleague's ROM. I nearly laughed out loud when he blew at a middle-aged lady's hair (one of the guests... i just wonder what propelled him to do that. She was his one and only 'target') He then roamed around abit more and curled up comfortably in a chair.
Later that night, he lied down flat on a sofa in the cafe. I pointed out to the mom brightly (in my mind all i was thinking-he was really making himself comfortable) But his mom's first reaction was to ask him to get up. (oops... there i was, treating him like a special kid... big mistake...)

Anyway... guess my long-winded story... is not the main point...

Observing the boy led to another thought: autism in literature.

I am not referring to recent stuff such as Rain Man, Elijah's Cup or The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time... I am more curious about older works...

I am not a well-read person, hence i am not sure what has been written in the past about autism. During a time when autism was not so well-known or understood, how would authors depict them? How do writers during that time make sense of some people across other spectrums?

Did a small little research on history of autism:

The history of autism goes as far back as 1911 with Eugen Bleuler a Swiss psychiatrist first coined the term. However that term applied to adult schizophrenia.
In 1943 Dr. Leo Kanner of Johns Hopkins University described autism for the first time. He based his discovery from 11 children he observed between 1938 and 1943. What he studied were children who had withdrawal from human contact as early as age 1.
During the 1940's through the 60's the medical community felt that children who had autism were schizophrenic. This lack of understanding of the disorder lead many parents to believe that they were at fault
During the 1960's people began to understand autism and more precisely identify autism and the treatments.

Well.. too tired to delve more into this topic... perhaps another day.

A First

Tendered my very first resignation letter today.

No matter how old one gets, there will always be a first.

I guess that's what keeps life interesting.

Reflection

Did my appraisal report today and wrote a whole lot of chunk.
Now that I am really leaving... feel that I will miss them dearly...

Loads of stuff to do... unconscious stress surfacing again... in my dream, or should i say nightmare.

Going for interview next week! *sweat*
Experienced people out there, throw me some commonly asked questions... and give tips on how to impress the interviewers!!! Help help help!

Thank you

Lazy Saturday

Rainy, cool day.
Had tuition in the morning, had lunch, came back home, watched korean dramas on mysoju (which is absolutely enjoyable now that I have upgraded my broadband speed!) Went for dinner with parents, lazed around more.

One of my colleague will always ask me on monday- "How's your weekend?"
Most of the time, my reply will be nothing much. Went for jog/gym.
Which is true for most weekends.
But i love such weekends. Nothing tantalising or taxing. Just a nothing-weekend.

Perhaps that's why weekends are defined by "Saturday" or "Sunday"
Saturday coz you did nothing all day. You are supposed to tell others " I sat a day away"
And Sunday. "i basked in the sun."

Details on my Korean drama:
Finished watching "Couple and Trouble". Like most Korean dramas- silly decisions made by silly protagonists which made the show drag on. But you know its a happy ending and you wanna know how it came about. Well. So we are silly viewers waiting for the obvious result. Its drama.

A few of my colleagues love Korean shows as well. One of them greeted me "Anyohaeseyo" twice in school. On the second day she used that greeting, i was presented with a great shock... or surprise: A junior pupil from another class saw me in the toilet. And he shouted "Anyohaeseyo!"
Told you they had magic ears and eyes.

Started Conversational Malay last Tuesday. Quite fun and interesting to know more about this language. It should be very useful in Singapore. And I was quite surprised to realise that German, Japanese and Malay have very similar vowel sounds.
Lust for language learning has returned. Feel like picking up Korean too.

Going for Singapore Bay Run tomorrow. Not sure if i could complete... think my knee/hamstring still cranky. And creaky. 10km has been my max distance clocked so far. haha
Anywayz... just see how it goes. Nothing can be worse than that 1st marathon experience. Right?!

Going for audition again on Monday night. Wondering if im supposed to sing the same song?!
Haven't practised...

Looks like it can't be a lazy Sunday.

Content. Me Gloria, you Jean

I Guess that to be able to think thematically is quite unrealistic. For me at least.
Hence another random entry about random thoughts.
Perhaps there is nothing significant enough for me to want to stay on track, to elaborate on that one singular thing. To be fickle (in the mind, that is) takes less effort, less focus and more variety.
Hence more random thoughts.
Its almost like the 1812 Overture's fireworks blasting off in the head.

As I was telling 'Jean' at Gloria Jean while waiting happily for our coffee (together with carrot cake and scones), its not that difficult to be happy. Is it?
At least at the moment, waiting for the coffee, listening to the music, staring at the decor, snagging those cute black plastic forks,spoons and knives make me happy.
Thinking about English names for one another is a great laugh.
Dinner at Dian Xiao Er is yummy...

Watching Couple or Trouble now makes me quite contented. Listening to and watching Ah Bu on TV makes me absolutely happy (by the way, if you google for "ah bu", my blog will appear as one of the first few search results! Poor adorable ah bu, no one else writes about you?!)

Cycling at East Coast, dashing along the empty park connector is so relaxing. Eating BK breakfast is satisfying. Exploring Japanese Garden (on feet) that day is nice. And I like picking up saga seeds scattered on the floor.Taking naps is great. Having a clean room pleases me. Hanging out with friends is fun and fulfilling.

(Ah Bu on TV again. So darn cute!)

Well... of coz there are not-so-nice things like not receiving news, not liking to sing, writing 17-page minutes, having sickening hair, spotting round face, tummy etc etc etc etc...disgusting parking (non-)skills...

Still...there are probably more things to be pleased about

Now there's only left with authentic Korean Ja Jang Myeon to make my day.

I like this

The Story Of the Pencil

A boy was watching his grandmother write a letter. At one point, he asked:
"Are you writing a story about what we've done? Is it a story about me?"
His grandmother stopped writing her letter and said to her grandson:
"I am writing about you, acutually, but more important than the words is the pencil I'm using. I hope you will be like this pencil when you grow up."
Intrigued, the boy looked at the pencil. It didn't seem very special.
"But its just like any other pencil I've ever seen!"
"That depends on how you look at things. It has five qualities which, if you manage to hand on to them, will make you a person who is always at peace with the world.

First quality: you are capable of great things, but you must never forget there is a hand guiding your steps...

Second quality: now and then, I have to stop writing and use a sharpener. That makes the pencil suffer a little, but afterwards, he's much sharper. So you, too, must learn to bear certain pains and sorrows, because they will make you a better person.

Third quality: the pencil always allows us to use an eraser to rub out any mistakes. This means that correcting something we did is not necessarily a bad thing; it helps to keep us on the road to justice.

Fourth quality: What really matters in a pencil is not its wooden exterior, but the graphite inside. So always pay attention to what is happening inside you.

Finally, the pencil's fifth quality: it always leaves a mark. In just the same way, you should know that every thing you do in life will leave a mark, so try to be conscious of that in your every action."

-Paulo Coelho, Like the Flowing River

Wait.

Time is a long time for those who wait.

Well. At least know whether the wait will stop in 24 hrs time.

As You Like it

Random thoughts. Tend to occur when you're stuck in a rut.
In today's case- never ending minutes to write. Gross stuff.

At Random.

1. I wish that my car can fart.
Cars behind can crash down on their horns if you're doing something funny in front.
But what can we do about tailgating and impatient cars doing funny things behind your back?
Fart off...

2. I am waiting for email
Waiting for that one email that could possibly change my life for next few weeks/years.
Will they email you to tell you goodbye, try again next time?

3. Windy
A lovely windy day today. Nice weather, really.

4. My hon has finally quit her job at Wu Jian Dao- Pte Ltd.
Hurray!

5. I hate writing minutes.
Its not stopping at 10 pages. What the...

6. Shall we dance?
New instructor for our dance CCA. This young China guy can jump up- with legs split and hands touching his feet. Incredible.
I like dancing.

7. Adult Malay course.
Gonna start lessons soon. Hopefully.

8. I like the Korean Show- Couple or Trouble
Very cute show. Typical Korean comedy-romance. But nice. And the Jajangmyeon is making me salivate profusely. Where can i get to eat them in Singapore?

9. Ah Bu is "tian cai xiao diao shou"
So he claims. But he is always damn unlucky in fishing. So adorable! And his dive into the sea, pretty magnificent. This guy can do no wrong. Haha!

10. Swimming and Olympics
Ability to swim well is appealing.
Free-stylers and breast-strokers have different bods.
Not that i particularly like him, but hoping that Phelps gets his 8 golds. Legends are always fascinating...

Ok.
Random thoughts never end. But i shall for now.

"The Heart Asks the Pleasure First"

This tune and line came to the mind randomly a few days ago.
And Hey Presto! A few days after the random thought, while reading "The Time-Traveller's Wife", this very phrase appeared in the book.
Talk about uncanny.

And to update on my SLP course application-
I have gone for the test (which was a major blow on the ego- how lack of analytical skills and how indecisive can one get?! - ME)
And there was a 10mins open-ended question...
Actually, at the end of the test, felt kinda down.
After being in the comfort zone for so long (4 years...) , i realised how rusty my brains have become... And also wondered if i should be trying for SLP at all...
Am I up to it...?
After having joked with Dad during lunch about the test... felt better. At least, like i told him, most of the people who went for the test have hao3 ren2 lian3...
So even if i don't get chosen (only 50% chance *fingers crossed*), can be assured that there will be alot of nice new Speech Pathologists in Singapore. Oh Well!

And btw, I am going for interview next week! Like Dad said, I have beaten another about 20 applicants to go to the next round.
Hope can let you all hear good news...
Also must thank my ex-principal for writing testimonial for me... hope that i can tell her that I got it... think she has a bit more faith in me than i have in myself..

Another happy update,
Went for audition at Music Dreamer Cafe and i got into the 2nd round!
But like i told zhuz, 20 million other pple got in... so i'm only one of the lucky ones chosen i guess... Still, am just glad for a second chance
So, what song should i sing?!! Any suggestions?!

Guess realise that for many things in life, I'd never know until I try. If I get it, its a bonus, if i don't, at least I've tried...

Still unable to convince myself that i have what in takes in most things...
But perhaps i am not as bad as i make myself out to be...
Just maybe.
But at least there's a but?

I WANT them badly.
Please continue to conspire to give them to me...

If you want something bad enough, the whole world will conspire to give it to you.

?

My Lucky Day!

Oh man... today is really my lucky day!
Managed to find more videos on Ah Bu on YouTube!
*beam*
For those of you who wanna listen to his lovely voice and infectious laugh, watch these videos...
kekeke~

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Pwe1XqTCI_o&feature=related

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Olw49zFT7ps

My lovely Ah Bu

I am so happy to find this site!

Have been looking high and low for him...Apparently he is not that famous in Taiwan... therefore its very difficult to find news on him.

And the fact that he is not going to appear on my TV on thursdays make me kinda sad..

PRESENTING TO YOU:

Brian Zhou Yong Xun, otherwise known as Ah Bu

Is he adorable or is he adorable?! haha

So cute yeah?

I'll miss your voice!!!

haha... the 15-year old in me is rearing its head...

What's Up?

Wedding Number 3 this year ended yesterday.
And coming up would be Wedding 4 and news from a classmate yesterday - Wedding 5!
"Tis the season to be jolly ...."

Yesterday's wedding was held at Rasa Sentosa, which was pretty nice because its by the seaside. Nothing beats sea, sun and sand really. And because it started at around 6, we get to enjoy some light before night fell. Furthermore, it is so relaxing to have wedding dinner at that time. You don't have to worry that its getting late (it will take many hours to be late haha). So a few of us (JC classmates) had a pretty good time catching up. All those antics and nonsense things we did seemed so recent though it was already freaking 8 years ago! *gasp*
And i so enjoy buffet dinners. You get to walk about once in a while, and choose exactly what you want to eat, and also get to taste different kinds of food. There's salad , with walnuts! And sushi, and of course dessert. The only complaint I have- NO COFFEE to go with my dessert!

It was a simple Christian wedding with singing, sermon and the ceremony. I don't usually enjoy sermons but i can't help but think that what the pastor said is very true. "A marriage with 2 strings will be stronger than one. A marriage with a cord of 3 strings will be the strongest. (well... something like that). And its not the couple with one third party. Its the couple and God.
How true. In many marriages, its up to the couple to iron out differences. For a Christian family, you can count on the faith , and will probably even have the whole congregation of church to support you. Afterall, its a marriage blessed by God, they would say. Who could dispute that?

Another thought- Friends asked me, so what's up?
And when usually when people ask me that, I'll just reply "Nothing much, still the same"
But ...
I had eye surgery on Monday, had new specs, met up with friend, went for dance, am enjoying afternoon naps, going for show, shifted to new school, applying for SLP, going for audition etc...
So what do we decide to tell people? Why do we have to rack our brains when we are asked that question?
Is it because we only want to say what is deemed as important to other pple? Especially for people we haven't met in the longest time, do we have the tendency to sift our brains for the biggest "news" that had just happened in our lives?
Oh well... maybe the next time someone asks me this question, I'm going to tell them the first thing that pops up, even the most trivial thing. For example "Oh crap. I've been constipated for a few days." Or "My eye is feeling itchy, i think its my contacts" Or "I have been having afternoon naps almost every day, eat your hearts out!"

Maybe this would stop them from asking such an open-ended question like "What have you been up to?"

Anyway, Before I end off, i should announce- i finished my lesson plan this week by 4pm on a Sunday. Cheers!

Random thought:
I actually chose Times New Roman for this entry. Its so pleasing! *snigger*
I guess its a sign that I'm ready to return to a life using this Font, Double spacing, 1000 words. Am I?
Please let me have a chance to go back to NUS!!! *fingers crossed*

Aye Eye!

Went for Left Barrier Laser Treatment today and that is because i suffer from:

LATTICE DEGENERATION










Lattice degeneration of the retina is a type of thinning of the outside edges of the retina, which occurs in 6%-8% of the general population. The lattice degeneration, so-called because the thinned retina resembles the crisscross pattern of a lattice, often contains small holes. Lattice degeneration is more common in patients with nearsightedness (myopia). This tendency to lattice degeneration occurs because myopic eyes are larger than normal eyes and, therefore, the peripheral retina is stretched more thinly.
Fortunately, only about 1% of patients with lattice degeneration go on to develop a retinal detachment.

Btw, here's how my left eye look like now:




















[The white color dots form the barrier to prevent my retina from tearing]

Not a very pleasant experience.
Pupils enlarged with eye drops. Vision cloudy, unable to see objects up close (that includes my bill. A blessing? hoho)
"Now I'm going to give you some painkillers because its going to hurt abit"
"You're not supposed to move your eye..."
"Look left", "Look down" , "Don't move!"
Some bright green or bright light going "tiak tiak tiak tiak" per second and aching pain with every tiak...
"You moved again"

Frankly, I don't even know whether my eyes are moving or opened or closed.
All I know is... Tiak- yikes! tiak- oww! tiak- urgh! tiak- is it over yet?!

For better, or for worse

BAD:
Been feeling kinda down after Sundown Marathon.
I pulled a hamstring I think.
And couldn't jog beyond 3km. That really sucks.
Didn't realise that the inablity to exercise will bother me so much...


BETTER:

1. Went swimming of the past week (3 days x 20 laps) Also tested out tread water. Should be able tahan 3-5mins. Meaning, i'm ready for diving!
2. Went for combat class this Sat. My hamstring didn't act up. Meaning, if i could never run ever again, at least i can still go to the gym.
3. And having eye-candy instructor doesn't hurt too! (btw, realised that M looks about like Ah-Bu. Sis, what think you? =P)

BAD:

As mentioned previously, wedding dinner/reception cancelled because of unfortunate events in the family.

BETTER:

Both Resumed! (Although it meant a bigger hole in my pocket, at least 2 extra happy events!)

BAD:

Didn't go anywhere this June Holidays. No diving, no mountain, not even Sentosa.

BETTER:

1. Lobang to go Go-karting in M'sia in July (also overseas what)
2. Lobang for diving in August (?)
3. Lobang for overseas trip in Dec
4. Plans to go Chiang-Rai (Fav? We going??) and Vietnam (Ladies, we going??)

BAD:

Shifting to a new school. Anticipating pupils to act up and disappear along corridors.

BETTER:

These smart babies got used to the place very quickly. We also have a brand new 22" monitor. Perfect for watching Barney, Hi-5 and movies.

We are going to have 9 kiddies for now. No new kid coming in. For now.

BAD:

Very fat.

WORSE

Getting fatter. =S

Guess it will also be an issue i'll always have to grapple with. But for my good friends out there... you won't mind my fat face and fat ass when you go out with me right? haha!

Pray Hard.

Was invited to 3 weddings this summer- one in June, the other in July and one more in August.

But the one in June may be cancelled... coz the bride's father passed away 2 weeks ago...
Today just received notice that the one in August will be cancelled as the bride's mother diagnosed with cancer. (according to friend, she has had surgery and going to receive treatment)

Praying hard.

Forget, and Forget about forgiving

Have removed the horror stories.
People with better sense have advised that cyberspace is a dangerous zone.
You never know who will stumble upon the page and use it against you.
So well...

Heart still heavy
But regulation works are being done.

Have decided to try to forget
But no mention of forgiving
The only reason being-
If there is talk of forgiveness... one must have cared enough to muster energy to be furious.

Bearing grudges exhausts too much time and effort.

And actually, the best way to remain impenetrable to the claws of monsters, is probably to take the high road.
Don't stoop to their level, they can't touch you

Even if one eventually falls into the claws of them.
This could be on the epitaph : " I have have left the battleground in honor."

Regulate. Regulate?

Again.
I am going to rant about the exciting battlefield my school has turned into.
We've all grown so weary, so disappointed and so beaten that we do not want to talk about the issues anymore... many a times, we could only stare blankly at each other, dumbfounded by the ridiculity of it all. Still NEW issues, new insults, new attacks emerge every day.

The mrt trip from Khatib and Chinese Garden is actually long enough for me to finish thinking and shake my head, then fullstop. But I am going to record it. Because I have somehow morphed into the monsters like them.
I must ensure that I remember why I was so frustrated with these vicious opportunists and that 10 years down the road, I could still feel justified for feeling the way I do now. SO that if I am pushed to the limit and forced to snap, I could retort confidently.

These monsters could talk birds down the trees, break their necks and laugh at their mangled states for weeks.
Then they would tell the whole world about their victory and celebrate, not because they have done anything meaningful. They are delighted because they got their way.
Ashamed?
Never.

The birds deserve to die, they say.
Can you condemn their actions?
No way.
Coz the reluctant mafia boss gave the go-ahead.

Psycho

The powers which you gave away,
Lured the monsters out to play
You'll definitely see one day,
The price that you have to pay.
But still i wonder...
Will you live to see that day?

I forgot...

In the midst of confusion, indecisiveness and discontentment...
I forgot.
Forgot that in 2-3 weeks time, _ _ _ will be no more.
Moving to new, boring concrete multi-storey building.
Its like moving out of the old KR... with our pond and amphitheatre...
Our kitchenette at the top floor... and the toilet that goes "beep" when someone walks in
The peep hole to make sure that its no peeping tom who entered the Ladies.
How I miss all those...

And once again... moving out... to be forced to move into a place deemed as more modern...
Without waterplay tub for the kids no decent field to run on, no playground with sand...
Tragic...
I forgot to treasure the old place i so loved... The see-saw which i used to take one of my first photos with Shaun. (already gone...)
The mango tree, the starfruit tree, the chiku tree, the banana tree (chopped off cos of stupid aedes mosquitoes), the rambutan tree... we used to climb up onto the ladder, and armed with our poles to hook those fruits. Its greatly satisfying to see the fruit go THUD onto the ground manifested with roots of trees.
The large field with the rotten log and wobbly bench... where we used to play frisbee and volleyball...
The open-concept canteen... the "staff room" (which is actually just a conference room) ...
The fat nasty black lizards... the insects which randomly fall from the ceiling... the glue-sniffing (and EATING) rats... the occasional tree snake...

How could i have forgotten...
How could i lament having to stay back every day and not realise that soon i will not have the chance to do so anymore...
How could i allow certain human beings to diminish my love for YGS...
The people did the evils... but the place did not...
My eyes and heart have been blinded this year... almost as if a wall has come between me and the YGS i used to know...

Interestingly enough... things in school have been breaking down, giving way... crumbling...
Some said that the place will disintegrate because it knows that the people are leaving
Some concluded that "THEY", our friendly brothers from down-under are sad that we are leaving... after all, its years and years of "Feeling" uh...

Am currently helping out with the school relocation flyer... that is telling our new friendly neighbours at Sengkang area that we are "moving in"
Today, the VP just said she thought its a better idea to say that "WE ARE OPENING!" (are we some supermarket or GAP store?) oh well...
What bothered me was... the _ _ _ seems to be wiped out completely...

Must remember not to complain anymore...
I'll always miss you...

Clutter, cluttering, cluttered

Have no idea why, but the resolve to quit became strong (again) tonight, after the meeting.
Is it the environment? The people? The Principal? The shift to the new school?
Or simply because I simply had enough?
I have no idea.
Feel that I have taught nothing over the year... over the years in fact... Are the kids really benefiting? Do I have too high expectations of myself.. or am i really a lousy teacher? Feel so incapable, so unaccomplished and even angry with myself sometimes... feel very often that i'm doing a really lousy job...
And what are the shit stuff i have to do? Of course every job is the same... and perhaps this is one of the most enjoyable job I'll ever land myself in...
But so what...
If I'm sick of it... I should move on ya... after all, I'm dealing with lives... I may be detrimental to the children's development...
And of course money is also an issue... the main issue in fact...
I'd love to trash all my worksheets... all my resources... throw out all the stuff that's giving me a headache... Can't stand the clutter in my class... can't stand having to pack and shift... Wanna break free and detox... physical clutter... mental clutter...
Break free from lesson plans... from printing and cutting resources that don't get organised... Just wanna throw throw throw...

And I see this as a sign-
today, for the first time in my life, i did half my lesson plan for next week... on a WEDNESDAY!
And guess what happened.
Some virus in the school computer wiped out that file... gone...
What's the point...
Working so hard to motivate myself... to convince myself i should stay and press on...
To be positive about doing lesson plans...
Look what happened...

Sigh.
Am I being impulsive... or should i really just leave...

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!

The world forgetting, by the world forgot.

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!

Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd."

What a gorgeous film!

Watch it!

We are so young...

Kid is so young.
I am so young.
I'm not talking ot physical age of coz... know i'm over the hill.......

Sometimes wonder if I ever grew up these past years
I still feel like i'm 20.
And that the way i handle situations..... i'm like 18?
Just some "Siao gin na"
How would you know whether you are handling an issue like an adult?
How can one learn to be mature in situations?
How do you know whether you did it right?

Tired.
zzz
Sign of old age.

Term2 Week 1

Time flies.
Can't believe its already Term 2 Week 1 tomorrow. Its another 10 long stressful weeks again.

What did I do over the "holidays"???

Monday
Dance Workshop
Tuesday
Clean Dance Room
Discuss curriculum =/
Went Rochester
Wednesday
Went lunch with colleagues and 2 cute twin babies
Tuition
Do What huh?
Thursday
Do what huh?
Watch 200 pounds beauty
Met Lihui regarding Jas' Wedding
Friday
Do what huh?
Saturday
Jas Wedding
Sunday
Jog
Tuition
Do what huh?
Can't get enough...

Clean and Clear

Figured that I should have stopped whining earlier.
Denial and escapism did make me feel better momentarily, but guess in the long run, its still much better to nip the problem in the bud.
In my case... it means packing my class, tidying up my room and trying to do my admin stuff.
Now that my class and room is cleaner, conscience a tad clearer, i feel slightly less grouchy.

But you know how Clean&Clear dries up the skin? Remember to moisturise.

Egg White and Cucumber

Smeared on my face now is the egg white and cucumber home-made mask recommended by sis. So while my eyes are twitching and tight, gonna start another entry...

And when you see multiple entries .. you know its Escape-from-Lesson-Plan, Pre-Monday-Blues night.

Gosh. Why do i hate doing lesson plans SO MUCH? One teeny consolation- its Term 1 WEEK 10!

1 WEEK before school holidays (not that i really have holidays... sigh) So i get to take a break from stupid LP for 1 week. Cheers...



Was complaining vehemently to sis during jogging this morning about our stupid organisation, MCP calculative P etc... Really unmotivated to do more work because of all the dumb things teachers are made to do...

Already have problem doing what I am supposed to do ( i need time to read, stone and procrastinate also k... its justified...ahem..)

ANYWAY, the point is, i stay back in school because i want to prepare for my lessons, do some resources etc... Recently i find myself staying back because of silly meetings about curriculum and stuff irrelevant to my own work. And i'll prob be observed by my appraiser next week... One word: SIAN.



Furthermore, the rubbish heap of stuff jumbled my brain up making me unsettled all the time. Instances:

1. I couldn't swim in peace. (That day, after helping out another CCA, stayed back to swim- told myself only wanted to do a leisurely 10 laps but ended up swishing back and forth non-stop... just can't seem to relax..)


2. I was impatient when jogging. Couldn't enjoy the journey... only wanted to quickly finish and get my ass back home.


3. Had another "nightmare". Actually... it was a daymare. Fell asleep before my tuition today. In my dreams, i was in Khatib and i was late for tuition. Was anxiously trying to figure out what was the fastest way i can get back to Jurong for tuition. Its like Wah-Rao, cannot even get away from school related landmarks in my dream

Other Stuff:

• I suspect that I am suffering from (mild) OCD


• I can't go on MSN because I will get distracted from work


• My room is bloody messy and i hate it


• My classroom is bloody messy and i hate it


• I eat too much


• I eat too much


• I EAT TOO MUCH!

Haha.. how grouchy.

Oh, since i'm eating too much, wanna share one of my favvv... BREAD

Went Cedele (because all the other restaurants at Wheelock spotted queues) with Zhuz on Friday night and was pleasantly surprised to find out that it is not only bread on the menu. Though ... we chose to eat sandwiches eventually.

Anyway, i love the sandwiches =) Think I'll probably go back again, just to try out other stuff on the menu.

To end off... a short note- i have forgotten how therapeutic music can be. So used to leaving tv on while doing work that i seldom on musik. I actually have 8Gb worth of music on my notebook, should not let them go to waste =P

OH... I wanted to add on... bought some old vcds from rental shops recently! They are a steal at 3 for $10 (who needs new ones anyway...) I have Royal Tenenbaums, Gosford Park, Little Miss Sunshine, Blood Diamond, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind etc... Lovely!

Sundown Marathon

Exciting News!
Received email from Sundown Marathon over the weekend

The yet-to-be-released adidas adizero running top will be part of the inaugural adidas Sundown Marathon race pack!

Sneak Preview of adidas adizero Running Top
















Sneak Preview of adidas response Finisher Tee

Pretty?!
I am especially eager to get the finisher tee =P

Went jogging this morning and was struggling to finish one round (about 7km) Thought that used to be breeze? Oh well... really NOT confident of finishing the marathon... but I'll CRAWL there if I have to! Just to get that tee.. haha!

Love & Marriage

Recently joined a forum on beauty tips and stumbled upon this:

What is love ?

A student asked a teacher. "What is love ?"
The teacher said, "In order to answer your question. Go to the padi field and choose the biggest padi and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."The student went to the field, go through the first row and saw one big padi stalk, but he wondered....maybe there is a bigger one later. Then he saw another bigger one... but thought may be there is a even bigger one waiting for him.Later, when he finished more than half of the padi field, he start to realise that the padi was not as big as the previous one he saw, he knew he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted !!!! So, he went back to the teacher with empty hands.The teacher told him, "...this is love... you keep looking for a better one, but when you realised later, you have already missed the person...."

"What is marriage then ?" the student asked.
The teacher said, "In order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."The student went to the corn field. This time he was careful not to repeat the previous mistake. When he reached the middle of the field, he has picked one medium corn that he felt satisfied, and come back to the teacher.The teacher told him, "this time you bring back a corn.... you look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you got.... this is marriage."

This millionaire

So much stuff going on!

Wanted to update on my kiddies and also the course I attended on Saturday (Personal Mastery and Mental Model) by Dr Low Guat Tin, the 62 years-old, 7-degreed millionaire.

And b4 i forget, want to note this down. Dr Low, who has made her will and prepared her funeral songs and DVD said that she wanted 8 women to carry her coffin when she died. Reason being this:
"No man would take me out when I was alive. I do not want them to take me out when I'm dead."
Isn't she a laugh?! haha

Have lots lots lots more to spew! Save it for later when I'm bored with work =P

Happy New Year, Happy V-day, Happy Birthdays

Time flew by again, since the last entry and so did the holidays and special events.
Gone is Lunar New Year (Boo Hoo...)
Gone is V-day (no big deal, heh heh)
Gone are 3 birthdays (Hon, Sis and JM)

Is it just us teachers or are the years passing by very quickly?
Each academic year seems to zoom by faster and faster...
Its already Term 1 Week 8...
Jeez...

And hey. I think I am stressed.

SITUATION 1
This morning, i woke up, stared into my alarm clock which says 5.32am. I literally jumped out of bed, thinking its Monday and how I haven't done my lesson plan, and that I am SO DEAD! (coz i wouldn't be able to submit on time) I dashed to my laptop and slammed on the 'on' button, thinking i must quickly do the lesson plan.
It took me maybe 10 secs to realise that perhaps it was not Monday... think i was dazed for a little while, trying to figure out whether its Sunday or Monday...

SITUATION 2
I hurt my nerve, according to my Dad and he was doing tui na on me. But throughout the session, I kept thinking about the target goals i have to edit and send to my colleague. Finally I asked Dad whether its over and if i could go back to do my work...
As i was doing the final editing, could almost feel the adrenaline rushing through me ... need to send, need to send...
After i hastily finished and sent, i felt ravenous.
Ate porridge (for lunch) ate chips, love letters, chocolate cake, fruits... and literally everything on the kitchen table. Its the attack of the unsatiable hunger (which i HATE!) And i didn't even feel full or satisfied at the end of it...

Oh man. I'm not sure how pple define stress but maybe those are indications of stress for me...
I wasn't even in the mood to meet HX last night...

I'm now looking forward to watching gory Sweeney Todd with meiren
And dreaming about the $2 Gloria Jean coffee i'm gonna have (hope to unwind at Suntec soon... haha)
And that I'm gonna get a couple more pairs of cheap Yoga Pants from Carrefour to wear on P.E days (my work uniform! hee haw!)

Well, Friday was Siang's last day. She was so sweet to have prepare gifts for EVERY staff in the school. I received a very nice necklace from her =)
Also helped her for 2 hrs with her class party as she prepared so much food and gifts for them...
(i feel almost grateful for my current class... some of the boys in that class are so noisy i wanna strangle them)
We also treated her to dinner at Thai Express, pretty nice (esp the Kailan with mushroom) and she bought us Yami Yoghurt (*slurp*)
Talked till 9 plus before we headed back home. (9 plus is LATE k... for a person who woke up at 5 and worked till 5pm. Haha)
Will miss her lots and lots.

And if you read Sunday Times today about the ultra-marathon (84km), that's the one I signed up for! But I'm just gonna try 42km of coz... When I showed Dad, he got pretty excited and wanted to buy the Zao Bao to read about it. (He thought that Chinese papers feature the same stories... haha)

Anywayz... think after meeting the parents and also TP from Muah, will feel a little less stressed. Kinda feel more motivated because Muah is my Supervisor, but also abit more stressed. But anyway, know that i will learn alot from her. So... i must count my blessings!

Oddball

tA-Da
Not working again today... feeling bad for leaving the other relief teacher alone while i frolick from my bed to chair, to living room to kitchen to loo... and the cycle continues...

Don't know what's wrong also! Fever been going up and down. This morning, was feeling fresh and happy and so sure that i'll be back to work tmr...
8.15am- Temp at 35.8
10.00am-Temp at 37
10.44am- Temp at 37.6

I'm usually a cool person, so anything above 37.5 seems high. And ysty evening, it hit a high of 39.5 (given the nature of my job, i am extremely paranoid...) Not wanting to burn my brains, i downed 2 paracetamols, i got dressed, combed my oily hair, got my cash and got ready to visit the doctor for a jab. Brilliant sanity although i'm burning up ya? haha ... well parents went with me of coz..

But the weird thing is, by the time its my turn at the clinic, temperature dropped to 37.8 again. So didn't get a jab. Just had 2 days MC and other medicine.
Don't understand why is it that EVERY time i reach the doctor's my sickness will disappear. And i'll appear like some pathetic self-pitying 'patient' pretending to be sick.
Its either my sickness fears the doctor clinic more than an apple a day... or it revels in making me look like a fool hampering for MCs...
Doctor said if this persists, will have to take a blood test. Dengue?!
But i don't spot any rash and i swear there are no mosquito bites on me...
And i'm pretty sure, IF i really take a blood test. Its NOT gonna be dengue. Its again these stupid sick cells, or whatever they are trying to make me look stupid again.

I just told my colleague and appraisert that my target goal this year is not to take MCs... and im already 2 days down. What a joke.

Settling ...

Thanks meiren =)
Will not give up... not yet... haha

Can't say that life is a bed of roses in school, but its really great to have a relief teacher with me. And well... kids are still a mess, today kanna whacked, didn't manage to teach much (bleh)
But still... i don't dread school. Phew. But do feel a bit guilty at the end of the day when i wave goodbye to the kids and realise that i wasn't paying much attention to them for the whole day. Because they are so GOOD. Obedient kids get neglected. Sad huh.

Trying to go to school earlier to enjoy the peace and quiet of mornings... but no matter how hard i try, by the time i reached khatib, i have to squeeze my way out. Stupid horrid Singapore bloody transportation system.

Some stuff i'd need to reflect on and improve...

• i bloody forgot to tell bus driver that kid has left home early (sick)
• i didn't see any blue "clip" a parent was talking about. (very understanding one somemore.. felt bad for being blur)
• Still not able to end the school day in peace, no matter how much 'precaution' i take.
• Still a scatterbrain... TOO scatterbrainish...
• Still procrastinating too much-resulting in too much undone work...

Sometimes i wonder if its the personality... can never be the kind who remembers important things.

Met HX last Sat and we talked till 12plus.. without realising it. Even the last bus had gone... She was telling me that she watched a video for DISe module and she immediately thought of me! Jane Fonda. Haha. Did get her point but well... perhaps i am more optimistic than her. And glad that she seemed to be feeling happier that last year. 2008 hurray!

k lah, not much ranting to be done today. So tired... but still liking morning session and had new CCA this year- Lion Dance and Modern Dance. haha reckon i can't see S that often but i can always volunteer to help out with adventure club ya.

ok. good nite

watch Coffee Prince!

Cokey?

Meiren, i was about to ask you what you meant by cokey... but then i realised i was the one who declared it...
Can i eat my coke?
Because... I'm being tortured by my class!!! Boo Hoo...
I have 8 kiddies this year... 7 year-olds.
3 Downs- 1 ok, 1 playful, 1... (i'm so wanting to bite his head off)
1 ADHD (he's quite good actually)...
1 with gross motor problems... meaning, he topples easily. Meaning his mommy would feel like biting my head off if he falls down. Hooray...
1 Kabuki (who always whines about going home and gets violent and cries when she cannot go home...)
1 Angel (who is pining for her bf, who's in another class this year)
1 EPILEPSY. Last straw.
Initially, i was supposed to take the class alone when my partner goes on maternity leave. Crazy.
I told the school auntie that if i have no relief teacher coming today, i'll lock myself in class with all my kids. Not because i wanna get up close and personal with them. I'll juz slap diapers on all of them, ask them to help themselves to their own food and water, and lock myself in a cupboard.
haha!
i had 2 helpers for the past 3 days. And i still can't cope.
I'm already so crap at classroom management... i'm crap at classroom management... i repeat. im absolutely totally hopelessly crap at classroom management
Its always so hard to decide which course of action to take...
Do i want to be like my colleague... she's stern and fierce.. so her class is ANGELIC.
But... i don't want them to hold me in awe... i want them to enjoy school and class...
BUT while they are having the time of their lives... their teacher is contemplating taking her own life.

Strike a balance, you'd say. OK. Tell me how.
I realised that once you are nice to them... and you turn fierce on them, do they get scared? For 3 seconds maybe.
But after that they forget and start hating you for scolding them. haha

bloody hell.

OK.
I'm still gonna be positive about it.
I'm gonna read up on classroom management. And other strategies...
You 7 year-olds think you can drive me up the wall?
Dream on! I have huge metal cupboards. I'll lock myself in one of the cupboards.
Together with ALL THE TOYS. So you can spend your time playing with NOTHING. Na~nananana

WAHHHAH!

Luckily they are cute. Else i'd really have ran out of school, screaming my head off then get run over by an Isuzu truck.

This is coming from someone who wakes up by 5 am every morning.

And someone who fell asleep on train from YCK to JE for the past 2 days. And no one bothered to wake me up though its the terminal stop. BOTH TIMES.
I had to wake up myself and realised that everyone has alighted.
Idiot singaporeans.
If you see someone asleep at terminal stop (except marina bay), pls wake the person up, even though the person may wanna go round and round Singapore for sight-seeing (in her dreams, that is) CHECK la.
YOu know how frustrating it is to wake up at some stop and realise you've missed ur stop, and you're already so freaking tired you wanna drop dead there and there on the floor and you can't take cab back coz of the fare hike and you HAVE TO stop, cross over to the other side, and take the train AGAIN!
You wouldn't have fallen so soundly asleep in the first place if you're not really truly tired right?!
So pls... do someone a favour, don't be so shy CAN?!

ANYWAYZ
just wanna complain abit. you know.. abit. abit only la.

West Side Story-I Feel Pretty

The Original
Why do I like the prancing and over-the-top stuff? haha

I Feel Pretty

Watched Anger Management on Channel 5 that day...
Thought this is hilarious =p

Its 2008! (Blabber Version)

Hey,
Its already 2008
And I haven't reflected on 2007, nor did i make any resolutions for 2008 (except for not eating pineapple tarts + replying sms-es asap)
Well resolutions never worked ... so i shall stop devising stuff that will make me feel bad.


Good things:

1. Had a short 'fling' (haha!) with someone who made me happy (and no longer made me sad (= )
2. Finished NIE & got a $100 pay rise. (make it $80 after CPF. HA~HA~HA! Only enough to pay for guitar fees... )
3. Learnt a bit of piano & still learning guitar
4. Did 8km, 10km, 21km ( think i'll continue to do so even though running does result in a big ass...)
5. Realised that I'm in a group in school (WT.. hah)
6. Went Port Dickson, Cameron, Taipei & Siem Reap (i want more!)
7. 2007 is OVER!

As for the bad things, let's not mention them. Already have insufficient time to do the things i want... (for example i should be doing crunches now/ finishing my work/watch korean drama/read Watership Down) not gonna waste time on unpleasant stuff =P

I don't understand how some pple can feel bored staying at home/not working/not going out. I don't have enough timeeeee.... i want to feel bored

Guess the beginning of a new year gives perfectly good reason to start afresh. Think I've been especially disappointed with myself in work. May 2008 be a great year!

In Hamlet, there was this quote which says that one must be "cruel in order to be kind". So in Wanling's Little Purple Book, there's a quote that says " I must be disciplined in order to be free"... Meaning, if i'm hardworking and finish my lesson plan by friday nite, i'll have more time over the weekends! in other words... i MUST procrastinate less ( i didn't say that i cannot procrastinate. that cannot happen haha! )

BTW, i am feeling surprisingly cheery on 01.01. 2008.

Maybe its because I met up with Meiren, Fav and Hon/ then went Xiaoyi's place for steamboat and fondue on the last day of 2007. (high from great company, miso soup, chocolate and alcohol!)

And perhaps its because i went to the Indian temple with my parents at 6plus in the morning on New Year's Day. Haha! ( this starting off the year with sthing i want to do- spend more time with parents...)

Was telling HX that I have alot of things to look forward to this year...

The Wish List:

1. Travel! ( To HK? To China? To Vietnam? To Africa?)
2. Diving!
3. Climb a mountain! (the 10 peaks project? Mt Kinabalu?)
4. Run 42.195km?
5. Learn dancing?!
6. Learn Pop Piano?!
7. Not hesitate to pursue what i wanna do!

The To-Do List:

1. Be hardworking
2. Be responsible
3. Be a better daughter
4. Be a better friend
5. Be healthy
6. Not be too fat. (shall be elaborated if i am blogging the 2008 Ah-Q version haha!)

Its probaby a bit cheesy to say this... but i was actually feeling sparkly this morning... as there were thousands of tiny efferverscent bubbles in me. (think coke)

Which Winnie-the-Pooh and Friends Character are you?

You are Tigger! You want to jump around on your tail and bounce your way through the year! Although you are not perfect, you are determined to keep your spirits up up and away! Bounce on! (taken from Wanling's Little Purple Book)

Really nonsensical today... but who cares?!

Hope that happy thoughts continue to grace my gut (its definitely growing. physically) this year. So can we really govern most of our emotions? That we ourselves decide whether we wanna be jolly or down in the dumps?

Then i wanna be happy!

Ok... i'm getting bored with my own messy musings. Bye.

P/S: on the train this morning at 640am (can u believe it.. i took 30mins to reach Bukit Batok Station)... i was standing opposite this guy who looked 90% like a Secondary School classmate. Even his actions and demeanor resemble my friend. So much so that I couldn't help feeling paranoid- that he is actually really that friend, but i don't recognise him and he must be thinking how rude i was to not even say hi. Anyway, i guess he did notice that i would glance his way quite often (from bukit batok to yishun- i can't help it) So to prevent myself from fixating my glance on him, i'll look somewhere else. And it caused other pple to think that I am looking at them.

ACTUALLY, the point of all the rubbish above is... I've decided to try this when I'm bored on the MRT:
"MISSION-HOW UNCOMFORtABLE I CAN MAKe SOMEONE ON The PUBLIC TRANSPORT "
Haha... how uninspired can one get.