The Importance of Being Earnest

Remembered having read in P's blog that goes sthing like that- If there are no new updates on one's blog, it either means that he/she is too busy, or it simply means that everything is alright in his/her life. Which in both cases are actually good ya...

Writing here again, i guess, doesn't mean that there are major upsets now... Perhaps need to find a little bit of myself back... maybe it just means doing something different rather than browsing through friendster (frankly i'm sick of it, but i have no other computer-based distracters) plus the fact that my laptop does not have zuma... wanting to "run away" from work sometimes is quite impossible... and yeah, the blogs i happen to be reading don't get updated that often... So yay, update my own blog then! how absolutely exciting...

The Importance of Being Ernest is one of my favourite Victorian age movie (haven't actually read the book...) with all the fluff and English accent. All the pompous witty verbal bantering... hohoho, i like...
I have no idea why i'm talking about it ... it just popped into my head.
You get the idea- boredom renders one illogical and irrelevant

BUt anywayz, it is very important to be earnest ya?

right.

p/s: i have no idea that i have so much to ramble about..
Since we're on the topic of victorian age... repression?

A Load of Bleh

Not sure what's wrong with me also
Unmotivated.
Like a dull pulse drumming away...
Feel really guilty that i am not doing more at work or NIE... I have NO IDEA what I'm doing.
i swear that my life and schedule is pretty much the same... We don't see each other that often, nor do we talk much on phone or online...
What is it then?

A thought suddenly struck me that day on the cab "Could it be that i cannot commit to anything/anyone for more than 3 years?"
I must say that Varsity days were probably the best years... but the last semester was really a struggle. My previous r/ship didn't last beyond 3 years too.
And now, its as if my energy and enthusiasm for my job is starting to wane ( 2.5 years.. approaching 3 years mark)
What's happening?!
I still love my kids, love my colleagues, love my school... love seeing them laugh and love how they make me laugh...
Yet... feel so weary and dreary at times.
Was it that i didn't do enough, hence the reluctance to face them?
Or was it that i am really done with this...
Really hope not, coz i still have 2 years of bond to go... jeez
Do i need something new?
Or should i just slap myself silly, and simply get my ass moving?!

Have also mentioned to a couple of friends that i feel as if i've lost part of me... or lost stuff ( whatever that is) along the way...
Emotions/compassion/passion (whatever) just goes dripping and leaking like a old knackered tanker as i trudged along...
Somehow lost the capacity to really think... all internal wonders or wanders are senseless without any conclusion, with no destination in mind...

Have absolutely no idea what i'm driving at too
Whoa, look at all the metaphor related to vehicles. Maybe i totally dig a car and i din realise it?! haha ... yeah right
crap

Disgusting (common) Warts

Spotting a wart on my finger. And another huge disgusting one on my toe.
Major turn off...

As defined in Wikipedia:

"A wart is generally a small, rough tumour, typically on hands and feet, that resembles a cauliflower. Warts are common, and are caused by a viral infection, specifically by the human papillomavirus (HPV). They typically disappear after a few months but can last for years and can reoccur. A few papillomaviruses are known to cause cancer. Certain types of warts, depending on location and cause, can be contagious from region to region, but are not transferable between species."


Should have gotten it removed long ago... classic example of how procrastination causes a build-up of problems... the burden gets bigger and larger and more disgusting. So much so that you can't even bear to look at it anymore...

Yet... this procrastinator is still procrastinating. Will this idiot never learn her lesson?! Grrr

Anywayz... some action has finally been taken... can only hope that they disappear after a few treatments... which still means a huge hole in my pocket also. Sigh.

Handsomely rewarded

Saw Elvin Ng today! Was jogging with Dad and ta-da!

Have not found any male artiste from TCS drool-worthy since Chew Chor Meng (that was when we were both young haha). Although it was only for that brief 2 seconds....

well.. had alot to say while i was drooling and star-struck. now... hmm nothing.

Moment has passed i guess.

WOmen have the right to be temperamental, period.

The day to remember, cherish and hold.

Still unsure how it happened.
But it did.
Still unsure how it will turn out.
But i'll find out.
Still unsure if it will last.
But i'll try hard.
Still sure am scared.
But i'll try hard.

To be happy

3 questions to ask yourself:
1. What is the most important time?
2. Who is the most important person?
3. What is the most important thing?

Answers:
1. Now.
2. The person you are with then and there.
3. To love. (the person/persons you are with then and there)

Apparently, we'll always be happy and contented if we could live by these.

Twists of fate...

Really don't understand how fate works.
Really don't know how 'fate' eludes certain people while others just have it fall on the lap so unexpectedly.
To the unsuspecting one... fate charges and rages on....
To the thinking being... it bobs away...

What the heck is the world coming to...
Why does fate make fun of people so...?

Jittery jitters

Its the second day of January.Weather is still fine.
Had this silly choya-ing session over msn with my fellow zhuz... almost forgot how silly laughter and simple games can be so much fun

Haven't had this kind of feeling in a long time... bittersweet, stomach-scratching. icy-cold sensations...

Tomorrow is the very first day of school...
Getting these jitters again... WIll my teeny boppers torture me tmr? Boo hoo...
Shivered when i was a student... SHivering again as a teacher... Will this never end...
school blues...

Year 2007

2006 had really been a rotten year. Be it work, money, relationships...
And it has finally come to an end!
Survived Christmas and New Year. Even managed to have a great time. =)
In retrospect... while 2006 was darn crappy... I've learnt many lessons along the way...
Learnt that I have allowed myself to be so absorbed in a relationship that I've neglected my friends, family, kids and colleagues...
Learnt that little things i do can make others happy... and that i haven't been doing...
Learnt that i have been too self-centred for very long...
Learnt that freedoom is a great thing
Learnt that I should never allow myself to be dependent on anyone again...

Hope that I will never repeat those mistakes again...
And hope that i can remember to spread my love and care around...

Actually... i realised that it has been hard, coz I haven't felt sad in ages. Guess for that, I have him to thank. Despite everything, those 2 years plus with him have been wonderful. To be fair... he has treated me so well... and I'm not sure i can find someone who loves me for exactly who i am again, whether fat or square, stupid or whiny... It was only that one fatal mistake...
If i hadn't been happy for the past years, i wouldn't be reduced to shatters ya hehe
No, I haven't completely forgiven nor forgotten... but hopefully it shows that i'm ready to move on.

It was raining so hard this very day in 2006... pathetic fallacy ? We used to say in literature...
It was bitter and painful this very day in 2006. Ominous... or foreshadowing of a bad year...? We used to say in literature...
The weather is lovely this very day in 2007.
It has been beautiful and hopeful this very day in 2007.

Was surprised by a sudden turn in events... Still not sure whether things will work out... but at least i can believe that there is still a glimmer of hope in this world...

Finally, would like to thank all the friends who stayed by my side...wouldn't have made it past this year if not for the people around me...

I guess, after having survived the rotten stuff in that rotten year, I can finally smile and declare that they are blessings in disguise.

I hope ...

Rants in Chants

Unable
is prose
is feeling
are sentences

Broken
are words
are thoughts
is heart

Trickled
are dwellings
are swellings
is hurt

Pitied
is me
is time
are them

Dreamt
are things
are materials
is size

Denied
are hopes
are senses
is it

Finished
is strength
is cash
is this

Hope?

Christmas is nearing and I am fearful.

Choke-inducing incidents:
1. Singing songs about praising the lord during practice
2. Lying on yoga mat and listening to hopeful song today
3. Thinking about how I have let my kiddies down
4. Wondering if S would ever learn how to choose
5. Laying fingers on the digital piano
6. Wanting to confide that he was of the same name
7. Reading "Brand New Friend"
8. Having doubts that hope will ever return.


Heartening matters:
1. Talking to P
2. Talking to JM
3. Talking to YJ
4. Talking and shopping with Glad
5. Having tea yet again at Bakerzin
5. Getting most of the stuff for new classroom
7. Getting presents for kid & volunteer
8. Receiving invitation to go for Christmas musical
9. Looking at my kiddies photos
10. Dreaming about my new camera
11. Seeing my favourite cute-from-afar instructor
12. Buying (and eating) Marks and SPencers digestive biscuits
13. Thinking about next gym session

More happy moments then!

Wounds

Super clumsy today.
Slammed my knee against the drawers in the morning.
Wasn't that bad but it bled.

Punctured my toe again in the afternoon when i opened the door.
Wasn't that bad, but bled again.

2 gapping wounds in one day ... am i stupid or am i stupid?!!

Went jogging later in the night ... ( My greatest enemy must be eliminated)
Hobbled down the stairs and was internally whining... perhaps i couldn't jog afterall...

Silly poignant thoughts intruded after the 3rd kilometre...
One doesn't feel the pain nor think about the wounds when one is focused on something. ( my focus is finishing at least 4km). Somehow, it hurts when i was thinking about my bloody wounds when coming down the stairs... but the wounds didn't matter when i was concentrating on keeping alive while jogging haha

Guess when we keep poking at the wounds, keep thinking about the pain, the blood, the open flesh, it just makes the pain worse... Self-pity and whining don't help a tad...
Perhaps i should take a firmer stand... have new resolutions... find new hobbies... do more constructive stuff...

The wounds should hurt less.. each time i remember to think about it...
One day, we shall all be pleasantly surprised that they don't hurt anymore...

Didn't manage to express what i was really thinking. Darn... disintegrating expressive language. Ha ha ha. Whatever la.

A day to remember

7th October 2006
Was a good day to remember.

Digression.
A lecturer told us to make a timeline for our own lives. We were to write down significant or life-changing events since we were born.
Realised at the end of the activity, I've written down events that were mainly negative... things that got me down, things that made me the unworthy person i am today.
Took a look at my course mate's timeline... and they consisted of mainly the good stuff...
I felt kinda saddened ... and almost ashamed at how unappreciative of my own life i am, and how sore a person i am...
Its rather ironic... i've always thought myself as an optimistic and easygoing person... why then... really not sure myself...
... ... ... ...
perhaps all i did was allow myself sink deeper each time something nasty happens. And when the next nasty thing comes along... i don't feel it as much? hah *shrugs*

ANyway... guess the point is... i should really try to think of the good things and remember them...
SO here it goes...

7th Oct is a good day because:
1) I slept loads
2) PQ smsed me for Pri sch friends gathering
3) J is back from China and sms me for dinner
4) Met some JC classmates at HC for MAF
5) Was not impatient when mom asked me abt her HP
6) 2 people decided to give it another try
7) Talked to friends on MSN

Guess... was glad that i'm not alone.
There are so many other people and things i should treasure and care about...

Remember the good times, forget the bad...

Right brainer

You Are 30% Left Brained, 70% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

addictive hee hee!

The Movie Of Your Life Is A Cult Classic

Quirky, offbeat, and even a little campy - your life appeals to a select few. But if someone's obsessed with you, look out! Your fans are downright freaky. Your best movie matches: Office Space, Showgirls, The Big Lebowski

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

so am i :D

Your Summer Ride is a Beetle Convertible

Fun, funky, and a little bit euro. You love your summers to be full of style and sun!

What's Your Summer Ride?

I wished

how i wished
it wasn't so hard
to curb the desire to watch u drive away.

i wished i didn't

Who will wait for u

There are possibly only THREE kinds of men who will wait for you when you jog.

Type 1:
THe rare nice guy friend. Platonic. Most probably homosexual.

Type 2:
The guy with a motive- eg. He is after u.

Type 3:
Your Dad.

All by myself

Frustrated.
Cos monitor said "No video input"
No matter how i jiggled or coaxed... no response
Opened the casing.
realised that video card has fallen off.
Tried to fix it.
Needed external help.
Still frustrated.

Finally worked.

I know that i'll have to settle all these myself in the future.
Its not gonna be easy
But eventually it'll work.

The Devil in Us

Struck by a thought. Probably nothing new... but enough to HAVE to write it somewhere at this very instant.

We are so evil.

Was recalling conversation with HX ysty. Laments on how people are selfish. How people can grow to be self-centred, or "less good" as we age...

No one taught us to be selfish
No one taught us to harbour bad thoughts
No one taught us to cheat to betray
No one taught us not to be caring and kind
No one taught us how to be self-centred
No one taught us to be proud
No one taught us to cry and scream
No one taught us to blame
No one taught us how to hate

On the contrary,

We learn how to be selfless and helpful
We learn how to care for others
We learn how to be kind
We learn that we should think good of others
We learn how to be humble
We learn how to curb and control our tempers
We learn how to empathise and understand
We learn how to be good lovers.

Is that why we have MORAL education in schools? To reverse all the evil innate in us all...
Is that why our kindness have to be evoked during those charity shows?
We seldom think of the sick, the old, the poor, the disabled until they appear on tv shows or appear on the streets.

Its quite interesting to be fully convinced that we are so evil by nature. Some religion have of course said that of men long before. But due to the lack of faith, it never really strike a chord.
Its almost like...
If my intelligence is only 90, i can only learn so much academic stuff in life... OR if i met with lousy teachers all my life, maybe i'll be less "clever"...
So if my evilness level is high, there's nothing much those education and prep talk and moral lesson can do ya?

It doesn't mean that I am an exceptionally bad person. It just means that the "moral education" i had in my life is not that fantastic?

Yay, so it feels quite ok to be evil ... haha


This topic brings me to another conversation I had with WW ages ago...
Was wondering whether monogamy is unnatural. All human beings are probably borned fickle and meant to be polygamous. Monogamy is invented by this society because it SEEMS correct and nice. Hmm.. nice

haha.. but all these are so pointless *yawn*

Society is a constract after all...

Final thoughts:
THe world is a simple place. The evil society complicates it.
Life is just a simple thing. Human minds glorify it.