The Angel of Music Sings Songs in My Head

Opps, long overdue...
Rewind- Tue 8/5/2007

Just came back from Phantom. =)
Thought I should blog it so that I'll remember it 10 years down the road. ( Watched it about 10 years ago at Indoor Stadium...or was it Kallang Theatre. But I couldn't remember very much, either because i was too young or because it happened too long ago =p )

So much details, shall attempt to offer my 2-cents worth thematically:

-SETS-

-The First scene-
started off with boring auction with dingy settings... Was honestly not captivated until the chandelier appeared, lighted up and ascended. And those majestic pillars at the sides, the huge colourful backdrop... 3 letters: WOW. haha! Instantly won over and am convinced that i did not see that 10 years ago =p

-Phantom's Den-
Who can forget the river, clever use of depth, lighting and dry ice?

-Masquerade-
I absolutely love that scene! Fantastic slivery costumes with cast on the staircase, great lighting which accentuates the mood of the party. Flashed out in true blue masquerade style. It is EXACTLY how i imagined this scene to be. Fabulous!

-The Point Of No Return-
Somehow loved the depth and colors of backdrop. Sorry I dunno how to describe. haha!

Overall:
Lotsa drapery used in the making of this musical. I adore those lush curtains, suit the era so well.
To end off, use of sets: Clever, clever!


-CAST-

-Phantom- (Brad Little?)
Initially I found his voice a tad too savage. But his voice is so elastic- one moment, its harsh and sneering. In a blink of an eye, (or should i say b4 earwax could tremble haha!) it turned light and gentle. His falsetto is so steady! The very last line "...music of the night" Mesmerising!
And when he sang "All i asked of you" Its just a few lines, but won Raoul (who sang the whole song) hands down. Quality over quantity any day =p
Btw, the physique of Phantom for this show don't quite fit my imagination. He is too tall in my opinion. My impression of Phantom is this average-height, stout, broad-faced man. This guy not only has voice that stretches on, but also has long legs and stretches on... well! Not my cup of Phantom physically.

-Christine- (Rebecca Pitcher?)
Voice. Not too bad. Not as sweet as the Christine I had in my mind. But still provided a stellar performance, especially during "The Point of No Return", she proved to be a versatile actress and not only some whiny vulnerable teeny lady in distress. (when i said teeny, i mean it. She's very petite. Made Phantom and Raoul look so macho haha)

-Raoul- ( John Bowles?)
He's every bit Raoul in the looks department. While he has a clear voice, its a bit lacking in emotion. As mentioned earlier, his biggest part, singing "All I Ask of You" was not that romantic... And when Christine was captured by Phantom and he was kept outside the gate, he couldn't pull off his worry and desperation or whatever... Its as if he's just following the script... walking-singing marble statue. haha

-Carlotta- (Pauline du Presis?)
Pretty much the noisy diva with soprano voice. However, her voice was overshadowed by the rest during "Prima Donna"! (disappointed... one of my favourite songs... more about it later)


-MUSIC/SONGS-

-Music of the Night-
I was looking forward to the Music of the Night. In my opinion, its THE SONG Phantom absolutely must nail. If it flops, the entire show is over for me =p ( I used to say when i was young (and stupid) that I'd marry the guy who could sing that song for me. Nicely, of course hahah) Anyway, 3 thumbs-up! He has such precise control over his voice. A perfect-pitch instrument played so well by the man himself =)

-Tear-worthy scenes-
When Phantom changed from his nasty, snarling voice to this gentle, loving one "Very well child you shall know me, See why in shadows i hide" I felt tears in my eyes... haha! Its not romantic or sad right?! But the sheer beauty of his voice and intensity of emotion were SO heart-wrenching (to me at least =p).

"Say you'll share with me each night each morning" Phantom was propped high up on this thing ( I really dunno what it is...) peeping at the young lovers... My heart literally broke with his haha
For the very last scene, Christine returned just to return the locket he sang "All i ask of you" in such a beseeching, pleading voice... and his "Christine, I love you..."
Then his anguished voice choking "I love you" ... Gosh, just the thought of it makes me wanna cry *bawl*


-DISAPPOINTING MOMENTS-

-Den/Hideout/Whatever-
No tears induced upon hearing Phanton's ashamed, painful cries when his mask was removed (Clearly remembered that 10 years ago, that scene did create dents on my heart haha... Maybe because I nearly cried previously during that non-relevant scene made me expect more here)

-Prima Donna-
A bit messy... feel as if the cast has some problems putting it together. Carlotta's voice was so soft that i thought there was something wrong with her mic... (and i blame Raoul! His crystal clear voice abit too stark) Sigh. I really liked this song, hence less than delighted to feel no sparks or excitement...

-All I asked of you-
A little lack-lustre in the romance department. Do you really love her Raoul?!

-Not-so-special effects-
I THINK the Phantom said "Watch the chandelier" Huh? (You know the scene when the chandelier is supposed to drop and crash because the cast defied Phantom's orders?) By the time i processed what the Phantom said...looked up, watched the chandelier shiver and blink... that's it
(Of course it is far to costly to REALLY crash that huge thing... still, that scene was VERY pathetic)

The fire/wham and bam... just kinda odd. Phantom was shooting fireballs (or whatever they are) at Raoul during the grave scene. Erm... they just went "Phiew... and boooom", and did not inflict even a blister on Raoul. So I have no idea what they are for... Diminished Phantom's cool mysterious factor. Why is the dark, dangerous neverending-legs master shooting fireworks at his rival in love?!! Golly.

-FINAL WORDS-
Anyway...
Really did enjoy the performance, especially the Phantom's voice which grew on me as the show proceeds... The sets and costumes also made the 147 bucks worthwhile.

Millionär

Hey hey! Suddenly thought of searching for Die Prinzen on YouTube. I remembered that my coursemates and I used to like this song very much. But its so darn difficult to find their music on the internet!
(btw, this time, "Shortly"= a few seconds. That should be the way! Good job. Haha!)

Although i can't say that I understand much now (Ich kann jetzt Detsch nicht verstanden. =/), am somehow drawn to their songs and MTVs.
Feel that Germans have a peculiar (or should i say different =p) sense of humor as deduced from their textbooks haha!
Guess we can tell quite alot about a nation from their textbooks? (Remember Miss Lala and ZiZi (or ZeeZee?!) the Zebra from OUR Primary School texts?! We're like quite LC ya?- its like baby talk: Want to mum-mum? Poo-poo? orh-orh? ERM... haha!)

Digress abit- heard that in mainstream schools, teachers have to set questions with representation from all ethnic groups. (!!?!) That's to say that if you set a Math paper, you can't have Xiaohua, Daming, Meimei or Xiaoqiang for all questions. You also need to have Peter, Jane, Linda or John. And make sure you don't miss out Siti, Ahmad, Nurul or Ali. Oh yes, and good old Muthu, Priyya, Bala or Anjali...
My lecturer for film modules in varsity made a point which I thought was so spot-on:
The movie ratings (PG, NC(16), M18, R21) actually helped those underaged/teenagers to find films with lurid stuff/nudity/violence more easily. Afterall there are so many films, how would they know which are the ones they can leer at?! But these ratings which are supposed to deter them from watching are so helpful! Such Irony.
And this little red dot loves to engage in it. *Shrug*


ANywayz! My initial intention ...

Lyrics:

Ich wär' so gerne Millionär
dann wär mein Konto niemals leer.
Ich wär' so gerne Millionär - millionenschwer.
Ich wär' so gerne Millionär
Geld. Geld. Geld...
Ich hab' kein Geld, hab' keine Ahnung
doch ich hab' 'n grosses Maul!
Bin weder Doktor noch Professor,
aber ich bin stinkend faul!
Ich habe keine reiche Freundin
und keinen reichen Freund
von viel Kohle
hab' ich bisher leider nur geträumt.
Was soll ich tun? Was soll ich machen?
Bin vor Kummer schon halb krank,
hab' mir schon ein paar Mal überlegt,
vielleicht knackst du eine Bank.
Doch das ist leider sehr gefährlich
bestimmt werd' ich gefasst,
und ausserdem bin ich doch ehrlich
und will nicht in den Knast!
Ich wär' so gerne Millionär
dann wär mein Konto niemals leer.
Ich wär' so gerne Millionär - millionenschwer.
Ich wär' so gerne Millionär
Knete. Knete. Knete....
Es gibt so viele reiche Witwen,
die begehr'n mich sehr;
Sie sind so scharf auf meinen Körper
doch den geb' ich nich' her.
Ich glaub', das würd' ich nicht verkraften,
um keinen Preis der Welt,
deswegen werd' ich lieber Popstar
und schwimm' in meinem Geld!
Geld.Geld.Geld...
Ich wär' so gerne Millionär
dann wär mein Konto niemals leer.
Ich wär' so gerne Millionär - millionenschwer.
Ich wär' so gerne Millionär.
ahhh...
Ich wär' so gerne Millionär
dann wär mein Konto niemals leer.
Ich wär' so gerne Millionär - millionenschwer.
Ich wär' so gerne Millionär.
Ich wär' so gerne Millionär
dann wär mein Konto niemals leer.
Ich wär' so gerne Millionär - millionenschwer.
Ich wär' so gerne Millionär.
Millionär

Die Prinzen - Millionär

WHy didn't I think of YouTube sooner?! So happy to find their songs again!
I Like DIE PRINZEN!

When it matters

Write, I do
On this space, words scatter

Spout, i will
Upon this page, crap splatter

Dwell, I may
Along perimeters, thoughts wander

Regret, I have
Within. Words falter.

In prose, the brain one heard its piece-
The moans, the muses, the whines, the whims
In rhyme, the heart one allowed a peep
The hidden, the hollow, the hushed, the mush.

Shortly?

"Shortly", have been shown to me= 5 days

Videos from YouTube finally up.. hoho

Video diarrhoea!

Haven't been writing much as there's something wrong with the server it seems... My post page is irritating... anywayz...

蘇打綠 小情歌

Enjoy

My Lovely Samsoon MV

My lovely Boss!

Tank 非你莫屬

I Like Tank =D

New Career Option

Hey.
My sis said that i have flair in persuading people to part with their money...
Agree???
I didn't think i had this 'talent'. Do you feel that i can persuade u to buy sthing? haha

Maybe i should be a personal shopper? Or boutiques can hire me. I can be strategically placed at appropriate places to persuade people how nice they look in this or not. Guess i can be absolutely earnest and sincere.
I look quite honest right. And poker face. I don't lie. If i tell you its worth it, you believe its worth it right?
Its an excellent career move. Please introduce some ingenious shop owners. Thank you.

DRAFTS

I still have plenty of drafts.
What should I do with them?
Edit, Complete and publish?
Or should i just delete them?
Afterall, when certain thoughts are left alone for too long, dust has settled, impulse passed, angst gone. Whatever strong emotions you've felt at that moment have faded...
So... what do you think? To chuck or not to chuck, that is the question. Haha!
But just like some things you've bought but never used, its a pity to just dump them. Cos you never know when you'll need them?
Or sometimes its better to just chuck those stuff and get new ones again when you REALLY need them?
Its a waste of money and resources.. But if you don't dump those useless stuff, it'll just pile higher and higher and you end up with more rubbish...

Its kinda dumb really.
Why dwell over silly things like drafts?
Don't i have better things to think about? haha

Actually i do... work!!! I should think of work more often... urgh...

Talking about work... i'm reading this pretty bimbotic book right now- its about a fresh graduate entering the "real world" after uni. She is working temporarily until she finds a husband. And all she ever wanted is to be a tai-tai and she doesn't understand why women would want careers. She unbashfully admits that she is lazy and hates working. Its pretty irritating how silly she gets just to meet men and how she keeps moping over her ex... But i must say that the tai-tai part definitely strike a chord.

"Employment is only for the poor. Rich girls do not need to work, therefore they do not want to work. Working is an unfortunate consequence of one's station in life. It is neither attractive or fun"

"Jane Austen times would have best suited me...spent my days playing the piano, sewing, reading or walking. I would wait for dashing men to court me..." (sounds pretty good huh)

Meanwhile, her friends were incensed that she is so backward when women had burnt bras and chained themselves (whatever feminist movements there had been) to attain where they are today.

(Finished the book. Actually its not that bimbotic. Its just pretending to be =p)
Its really sickening sometimes that so many aspects of life have to be grey. Can't it be just BLACK & WHITE? More interesting? But more complicated and mind-boggling too...

Perhaps my destiny in life is to think of mundane stuff. Yay!
Could someone pay me to write rubbish please?

Hypothetical situation... If i really am a professional writer or columnist or a writer of rubbish... will i digress from my 'work' and start doing all those irrelevant things and indulge in irrelevant thoughts?
Maybe its just me and my laziness and adversity to work.
GOD. If I haven't sinned enough for gluttony... i'll definitely be burning in hell for sloth. And wrath.. and... can't remember the other deadly sins (Envy? That i'm safe at least haha)
I'm such a Sinner...

I hate to be so LAZY. But i can't stop it.
Any Lazyticide for sale? I'm desperate for it...

P/S: Searched for 7 deadly sins and they are :
Pride is excessive belief in one's own abilities, that interferes with the individual's recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the sin from which all others arise. Pride is also known as Vanity.
Envy is the desire for others' traits, status, abilities, or situation.
Gluttony is an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires.
Lust is an inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body.
Anger is manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury. It is also known as Wrath.
Greed is the desire for material wealth or gain, ignoring the realm of the spiritual. It is also called Avarice or Covetousness.
Sloth is the avoidance of physical or spiritual work.

Okie... my sins are definitely more secular ...

Spitefire

oei.
Tried to link some YouTube videos on blog, but failed! They said "The video appear on your blog shortly" Yeah right, waited for a short while only... maybe 20 hours? Define "shortly"!

Been too slack to think or write much these days... So its just gonna be gibberish, irrelvant and non-reflective stuff haha

Brief Updates:
Opps. I bought shades. Spent a tiny fortune on it. And Specs too... my eyes are burning a hole in my pocket. (at least i don't spend on eye shadow...) And speaking of burning, i finally lugged my fire-extinguisher home. SO safe, my home is. Sis bought safety mask and another fire-extinguisher too haha! We're so scared of fire aren't we?! WAHhaha! But if you have attended the fire safety talk, you'll freak out too... Both of us are victims, scared into buying stuff which we fervently hope we don't get to use!

Actually went for whole of YCK session on Saturday. My "disciple" not there, so must be with S throughout the session. (btw, the newbie is only 20 yrs old. I feel so OLD!) Did not realised how tiring it was until i went home and zonked out. Old bones talking. Haha. But must admit that i really enjoyed having S to myself... And his attention span was pretty good that day. Perhaps its coz i'm the evil witch of the west.
S is actually still a lovely innocent boy although he is nearly 16. His personality pretty much the same and *touch wood* he still didn't display any teenage angst. Good boy, he is. Although he always looks away or walks further from me when he sees me, i know he is glad to see me lah (delusional?! haha) When i sent him home, he was ahead of me on the escalator. When he reached the platform, he turned around and didn't see me. Could see that he was abit anxious and was looking downstairs to look for me. When i called his name, he turned around, saw me and gave this really sweet smile. OK, granted, he's just worried that he'd be left alone. But hey, i tell you he is REALLY glad to have me as his jiejie hahah (he only had 2 jiejie during his 8,9 years in yck hor.. so we are absolutely special! )
Also committed myself for ACID camp! Jeez... i must be mad.

Sunday pretty much as slack... busy watching TV and went jog as usual. Its sickening though... Been jogging so regularly, yet still FAT man. I'd love to think i'm just muscular, but this excuse is stretching thin... Rumors had it that muscles don't jiggle and wobble right? OR perhaps my muscles are of different consistency. Well, jelly and cookies can have different consistencies too, why not muscles?!

Whatever the mouth is doing, the body is taking 100 times the effort to undo the fats.
Whatever my hand is doing (handing over card to be swiped), the body is taking 100 times the effort to salvage the bank account.

(Btw, think mentioned in an earlier entry that its easy for things to go down, to deteriorate...
I realise that its not true. What about my BLODDY WEIGHT?!)

Whatever higher being is up there, purposely make life difficult for us. With all due respect-Very humorous hor. hur hur hur.
In a defensive, spiteful mood i suppose whahaha! And using Yoda syntax. Weee!
Anyway, its Monday and therefore its a blue day. Heading to school soon. Ouch i need to S***
SIGH.

Btw, JM asked me to submit entries Golden Point Award haha... but dunno how to write poems or short stories leh... But he said its not like the judges would knock on my door and laugh in my face if i submit crap, so heck .. Anywayz, budding writers out there, check this out ya:
http://www.theartshouse.com.sg/event_details_2007.php?id=573

Labour/Labor Day

Its Labour/ Labor Day! (which spelling to use man... tsk)
Is it fair that slackers like me also get to enjoy this public holiday? But well... what in life is fair anyway haha!

wELL...
The moment for talking about Saturday has passed... Its school anniversary and i took over 300 photos and 10 videos. FullStop.

Sunday was pretty much the same... went jogging with Dad again, but covered much shorter distance coz both of us feeling tired haha... plan to jian fei foiled again la

To make matters worse, went for dinner on Monday. Some Chinese restaurant near Neil Road- There aren't actually much dishes to choose from the menu, but guess its because they are so good at what they are doing, people go there just for that few dishes anywayz.
Yummy zha2 jiang4 mian4, and xiao long ba. But coz only the 2 of us, din order much of other stuff to try... the guo tie looks great too *slurp* The osmanthus and rose tangyuan- YUM! The soup base is not those usual yucky peanut kind. Its CLeaR soup with nice light flowery smell and taste.
To make matters fatter, we had wanted to take a walk around Chinatown area after filling our stomachs, BUT. Yeah... walked for about a grand total of 5 minutes then stumbled upon a rooftop bar. Went for a drink and sat and sat and sat. Very helpful for the belly. haha

Some photos. Not a very good photographer but i think my camera is cool ahaha. (To my darling ixus 850, although i am very attracted to ixus70, i love you very much too!)

Views from rooftop

Okiez... that's all for now.
Happy holiday!

long time. & YCK idol

Been some time since I've posted new entry... think brain kinda turning to mush for a while. It so easy for brains to turn to mush, for muscles to soften, for ice-cream to melt, to go down a slope or mountain, to slide down a slide....
Its always so much easier to deteriorate, almost no effort required. Yet to reverse the harm done or to go upwards is bloddy tough...

Friday
One of my pupils did not come to school And i i can tell you, my karma was improved for the day. Sometimes, when one or two pupils don't come to school, you realise who are the ones who pose the greatest 'problems' or shall i call them CHALLENGES. hah! Went home with Muah that day and was discussing how we'll burn in hell because of some particular pupils... Sigh! Wehave no desire to transform into Wicked Witch(es) of the West, but somehow they have a knack for pressing the buttons... Save us. haha

And was very touched that Friday, realised that I'm still in the running to become the next YCK idol (that's the line for American's Next top Model though) haha!
Actually, brought my little kiddies for combined story telling session with 2 other classes, and when we arrived, the senior pupils started to cheer loudly. Talk about feeling welcomed! And later, when i was supposed to help play keyboard for some parts of the story, they also started chanting "Ms Yu Ms Yu Ms Yu!" One or two pupils even gave me the thumbs up after I finished playing and said "Good eh!" How can you not be grateful? How to not love them?

Well... there's still 21st Anniversary on Saturday... but think i'll stop for now.
Spread the love among the posts. Haha

Mom's question

Mom suddenly asked me
(translated from Chinese, haha)
Mom:"Why is it that he seldom come to our place?"
Me: "He lives so far away! And he is very busy. I hardly see him also"
Mom: "Busy huh, how many tuition he has?"
Me: "4 times a week loh. And he always OT OT"
Mom: "Wah, so many"
Me: "Anyway, even when he comes, 2 of you will go hiding..."
Opps.

Sometimes I'm just too passive when i should speak.
Othertimes, I can be such a tactless motormouth...

Perhaps Mom is beginning to wonder if he exists... Perhaps she thinks that he's a fake.
Well, you never know...maybe he is. *wink*

Impossibility

After almost breaking my stumpy feet, crumbling my big bones, and violently shaking my flobby flabs, I still am unable to finish jogging 5km in 30mins. Nowhere near. Took only a touching, heartwrenching record time of 40 minutes.

Thanks alot.

Anyway... I do work very hard! So next time when u see me and my enlarged profile, try not to blurt out that I am FAT k. haha
Perhaps you can say that I am such an avid sportswomen that I've developed alot of muscles recently. Don't mention the new muscles on my face though. HA HA HA

Sugar, Savoury or Spice.

Really been posting quite a lot recently. ANd it probably means that... i am in the midst of doing lesson plan. Can write only a few lines of lesson and dozens here. Guess human beings (in particular: ME) are just so shallow and self-centred. So easy to talk and ramble on about yourself. So difficult to focus on work. Perhaps its just me huh... I must admit that i do get excited and happy when i think of brillant ideas for my lessons. But getting started is quite a huge barrier. TRY TRY TRy!
Okie... some updates first...

Saturday
Was at home in the morning, trying to clear the physical mess in my room. I assure you that it is still messy. I just shifted some papers around, packed my letters abit, rearranged the containers... full-stop. And there are little ants in my room...YIKES> Didn't used to have them b4 although i used to drink beverages & biscuits in my room (I think its because my tastebuds have changed. I used to enjoy savoury stuff more. Ever since mid-autumn festival last year, I've developed a sweet tooth. Sigh... perhaps that's why i ballooned so fast also. SUGAR! Think i should try to convince my tastebuds to embrace Arnott's Shapes again...)

Then went to the gym in the afternoon- Dynamic Yoga and Combat. ( Had wanted to cancel to meet hui... so MR> what's up? Remember to update me ya? ) Anywayz... energy level a bit low... struggling to keep alive, especially during combat class haha. But still fat. So. What must i do to lose weight?!

Anywayz, went to JE to meet D after gym. There was this NS40 exhibition, we went to walk walk for a while coz D (another D- let's call him dan) was supposed to be on duty. Didn't see him anywhere coz he happened to have gone for dinner haha. Bumped into another D however (rem Des who works at MINDEF and prob don't appreciate me doubting the DXO recruitment thingy? haha) Anywayz, although both D & Des are/were S's volunteer, they have never met each other. So introduced them. Later Des, being the kay-poh and caring uncle he's always been to me sms-ed me "Nice taste, any chance to hold hands?" haha! Showed D the sms & he frowned "What do you mean nice taste?!" A compliment, funny silly D!

Dinner> went Delifrance, realised that the dinner menu looks pathetic, so went to ZingDo (Korean hotplate place) to pai1 cang1 ying2. - far from crowded although its dinner time... Wah, really ate alot loh. D had Kimchi seafood noodles, and i ordered some chicken mixed rice thingy. In addition to that, ordered chicken ginseng soup, which comes with another bowl of rice...The thing is, both D & I want to jian2 fei2... so hmmm, I'm sure that meal didn't help us both very much. And had this devastating conversation about whether running helps to jian3 fei2-
Me: Does running help to lose weight huh?
D: Yes, of coz, if you run 5km in about 30mins.
Me: HUH?!
D: Yah, only after that will your body start to burn fats. B4 that its using up carbos.

What ?! i am strugggling to run 4km within 30mins k... 5km... siao right. haha. I'll be fat forever. Anywayz... apparently the good news is, slow jog for an hour or so helps also la... but ahem.

Went back to the NS40 exhibition coz we were such fans of civil service! Yeah right. Decided to try our luck at finding Dan again la. (and also to work off a little food b4 coffee haa!) So walked around abit more to finally spot our Mr Ambassador. Walked around again. Actually quite interesting la. Left the place, went to have a cuppa at Delifrance. Go home!

Sunday
Veged out at home again...as usual... tried to do lesson plan, tried to keep my room sugar free...
Then went to have dinner @ JP swensens to celebrate mom's bday. Plan to jian3 fei2 foiled again...
Had salmon mushroom baked rice (i like =))- double chin.
Sis had chicken baked rice, mom ordered some fish dish & dad had cheesy chicken. Mom wanted ice-cream, so had this really chocolatey one. Glad that both of them enjoyed the meal alot. Guess we seldom bring them out for good food so... yep, if only they could decide where to go, we should do it more often haha

Went walking around and bought these really nice and cheap baskets for my class. Got some nice crackers and mashmallows for my kiddies too, hope they'll be enticed haha. (actually they are very easily contented la... have been offering them the same kind of gummy sweet, and they still lap it up every day...) Also went liberty market to buy some "healthy snacks". Got tomatoes and lotsa cereal (yum yum.. figured that i might as well eat healthier carbo if i MUSt eat carbo.)

A parent called me to inform that that she'll bring her child late to school tmr. And asking her how she is and stuff (She was watching Mr Bean vcd.. hah so cute. Mr Bean cartoon is quite funny btw haha!) Had this discussion with her about toilet-training her girl. Quite difficult la, coz apparently her girl will turn up her nose at dirty toilets... hmm i'm not sure whether our school's toilets are up to her standard haha! Anywayz... think i'm mentioning this because i actually feel good after talking to her. Didn't communicate very much with parents this term because i was so darn busy with NIE and also i just had inertia calling them. Fortunately, many parents are also very forgiving and understanding... they were still open about talking and discussing their children with this absent teacher...
Another reason for bringing this up... why am i always NOT doing the things that i know will make me feel good?

Now typing this out while watching the clock tick away. Lesson plan still not finished! (oops) & think I am gonna go jog abit... not alot lah, just about 5km in 30mins.
RIGHT.

Long post ya. See, see! How self-absorbed i am.

Back to swim

TGIF.
And i seem to have alot of thoughts.
Whatsup man. If only I am willing to think so much about my lesson plans and kiddies.

I went to swim just now.
Haha. Yeah, i knew i said it'll make me a hunchback and fat.
But sorta tired of land activities. Still find my arms damn disgusting. I tried very very hard not to use my arms much... only moved them gently when i need to breathe. Otherwise, just kicked loh. Didn't do much also... just 17laps breaststroke, 3 freestyle (think my freestyle is crappy... and was bloody struggling to complete just 1 lap.) Still... can overtake those uncles, hope they don't feel too sad. hahaha

Yah lah... think swimming really make arms bigger la.
ALTHOUGH i am fat to begin with, swimming aggravates. HOR?
So i am REALLY not gonna swim liaoz...

Work

More thoughts when passing by the hawker centre near my place.

Its almost 10, but some vendors are still hanging around. This man was having his meal... this old couple was still at their stall, probably preparing for the next day. The shops nearby are packing and keeping their stuff. Was thinking about the people making cups and cups of kopi and teh every single day. Do they make each cup and wonder if it tastes good? Do people at the Malay stall feel happier when they fried an exceptionally lovely batch of goreng pisang that day? What is it that keep the hawkers going every single day? Money? Earning a living? Or immense pride in what they are cooking up each day?

There is a mattress shop, furniture shop and Good price shop around the area and i have passed by these places just before the shutters are down. Do you know how much stuff they bring out and keep every single day?!
Must be so tiring to have to bring everything out when they open in the mornings and squeeze everything back at the end of the day!

Should we feel guilty that we are always complaining about our work? How stressful our work is, how difficult our bosses/clients are? Surely... doing all these are more mundane and tiring? Do they have a choice? Do we have a choice? We do , most of the time ya...?

It is easy to say that we should always count our blessings. How easy is it for us to achieve that? Brings me to think about the sms-es on Monday. Was semi-complaining to D that Mondays are dreary. His reply was "Should we say: We're grateful that we are employed!"

Erm.

Have you ever...

Was walking home from the mrt station when i passed by a group of old uncles and aunties with their luggage at a void deck. They looked pretty happy and excited.
In my mind, i was thinking- "Hey, going gai gai issit? Enjoy your trip!"
Granted, I don't them. But at that point in time, i genuinely hope that they'll have a great holiday.

Have you ever "talked" to complete strangers in public?
Sometimes, when i go jogging and see some people (usually ladies) huffing and puffing, i'd be thinking "Keep going! Don't stop!"

Or when some people do disgusting stuff, i'd be going (in my mind, of course) "Stop that, you disgusting fella!"

Very often, when I meet with inconsiderate people (esp on public transport) i'll be repeating in my mind " You are so RUDE. SO RUDE SO RUDE" (some drivers suffer from road rage, this commuter suffer from PTR-Public Transport Rage)

Or have you ever wished that you could talk to these strangers? (without them thinking that you are an oddball)

For instance, you are shopping for clothes. You see this lady coming out of the dressing room, twirling around, trying to decide whether to buy a piece of clothing. Don't you just wish that you could just offer your opinion "You look good in it, you should buy it" Or perhaps "You look like crap, don't buy! The salesgirl is lying!"

Guess with so many people in this community, (IMAGINE, the govt said we can contain 6million. YEAH RIGHT) It will be pretty chaotic and noisy if every one literally speaks his/her mind all the time.

But i still think that we should accept strangers' comments or be allowed to comment in the dressing room. Especially when you are shopping alone. Don't trust the salesgirls!

Taking care

I think i don't know how to take care of another human being. Including those little ones in my class and also the senior ones at home. Nor do i know how to take care of my contemporaries. I don't seem to know how to take care of animals too.
Bought little fishes for my classroom last year to teach my kids. But somehow, they are seriously 'tortured' by me. My colleague cared more about my fishes than me. She brought filter from her home, teach me how to use it, and pops by to check the tank. CLassic: There was once, we had a 4-day holiday (including weekend) She was so worried for them that she actually climbed the school gate, rescued my fishes and brought them home so that they would be fed and taken care of during that period. She has such a kind heart! I felt so guilty for being a heartless owner... but somehow it didn't come naturally for me to think about them... Really bloody heartless.

Must I wait till I have my little own human being before knowing how to genuinely take care of one and shower him/her with unconditional love? Or perhaps HORROR- even if i have my own kiddy (quite unlikely... haah) I'll still be a selfish brat. A self-centred person who have to make a conscious effort to care.
Is the capacity to take care and love someone innate in us, or must it be learnt? The scary question for myself is however... CAN it be learnt?

Mess & FAT confession.

My room is in sucha mess...
My admin work is in sucha mess...

So much inertia to clean up...
URGH ...

At least did some cleaning in class today after school... PHEW. Felt so much better after that. Didn't realise that physical mess leads to inner mess as well...

Been very grouchy today as the weather is so hot and i'm in a mess. Hope that i can be in a better mood tmr now that my classroom is slightly less cluttered.

Guess when one is a fatso, one is more inclined to feel hot. And grumpy. Grrr...

Saw a swimming pool on the way home just now, and i began to think... maybe i shouldn't have blamed swimming for causing my arms to be blobby.

I've got huge arms and ugly fudgy back because i am FAT.

FAT FAT FAT.

Hi folks! I am fatso Michelin. Minus the smile.

Grrr!!!

Holiday?!

Where should i go during June holidays?

=/

Have to think of $, time, place.

Bleh.

Lazy Weekend & Fat Conversations

Yet another lazy weekend.
Supposed to have done lotsa work yesterday BEFORE i hit the gym. But as usual, lazed around so much and procrastinated so gorgeously that i almost missed my dynamic yoga class. Glad i made it though... 2 classes of workout- very much needed to lose weight!

And yes. I have grown so fat. *tsk tsk* One morning session colleague was staring at me

FAT CONVERSATION 1 (With K in School)
Me: Hey, long time no see
K: Hey, what happened to you huh?
Me: Yeah. Very fat now hor.
K: Yah loh, gained weight leh.
Me: YES! Obvious right.
K: Yah, put on quite a lot of weight ya. Aiyo, why huh...
.
.
.
FAT CONVERSATION 2 (With Siang, SF, S in school)
Me: (to Siang) Hey, I don't think i wanna go for Spageddies liao. I wanna jian fei
Siang: Huh. But i also need to lose weight ... eat a lot these days...
S: Yah loh, yah loh, I also gained a lot of weight leh. See my tummy

(SF happened to walk by and she joined our group)

SF: Siang, I'm not going to Spageddies. I wanna lose weight.
Me: Haha! I just told her the same thing...
.
.
.
Opps. Digressed.
Anyhow, felt a bit sore after 2 hrs of exercise and decided to leave although we haven't finished with the push-ups. (I give up!) Happened to catch M's eye and he smiled when i left. Perhaps he's thinking i probably should stay to work off the extra flabs. Wahaha

I have also gone swimming twice for the past 2 weeks and i wonder... is it causing my arms to be BIG?!

FAT CONVERSATION 3 (with D over dinner)
Me: Went swimming again the other day
D: That's nice.
Me: But I dunno whether I should be swimming leh...
D: Why leh?
Me: Feel that its making my arms and shoulders bigger...
D: Will meh? How many laps do you usually swim?
Me: At least 20 ba...
D: Then shouldn't be a problem... just swim leisurely loh... its not like you're training for competition or anything...
Me: Yah, i don't swim that fast also... but still feel will get broader...
.
.
.

FAT CONVERSATION 4 (with C in Staff Room)
Me: Hey, I'm going swim. Wanna go?
C: (hesitates) I wanna lose weight, but dunno whether to swim leh.
Me: Ya... sometimes wonder if swimming gives you broad shoulders and fat arms!
C: Ya! If i've known that, I wouldn't have swam when i was younger. Cannot be like those girls with narrow shoulders anymore...
Me: (sorrowfully) Yeah.. and i'm top heavy too...
C: Plus we're short somemore... looks weird ...
.
.
.

Its kinda unhealthy to have yoyo weight huh... Its SO easy to gain weight but its so darn bloody difficult to lose it. Sian man!

Anywayz... should haven't finished my lazy weekend story haha
After gym, went to Marina Square to meet D who was having dim sum with his colleagues. I was asked to join them actually, but decided that i shouldn't be eating so much, so headed for gym =p They left some food for me though, so had to eat la...
Left soon after with D as we were supposed to go to his aunt's place for dinner. We took a cab the apartment, which was very nicely decorated- zen and resort-like. Unfortunately, gonna be torn down soon (en bloc)
While we were eating, D's little nephew (this cute little fella with chiseled cheeks who looks like a cross between Harry Potter and Chicken Little ) kept on asking him to play with him.

UNFAT CONVERSATION 1
Han: Ah Gu, play with me. (Ah Gu, as in 'uncle' not cow haha!)
D: Wait k, i'm still eating
(H Runs away and runs back)
Han: Ah Gu, will you play with me?
D: Let me finish eating first k
(repeated for many many times...)
Han: But you must play with me, you're my favourite Ah Gu!

What a sweet-talker ya.. haha! And he repeated that quite a few times... Guess because he's the only young one in the family, he gets lotsa attention.
Anyhow, as D had to entertain his fav nephew, I had a chat with his youngest sis. And somehow, we had yet another....

FAT CONVERSATION 5 (with HZ)
HZ: When I'm stressed i tend to eat more
Me: Ya, same here. Some people get skinnier when they are stressed
HZ: But I'll gain weight during exam period loh
Me: Precisely... me too...
.
.
.
Well... kinda obsessed with FATS recently ya... but its really hard not to think about it when clothes are becoming skintight k

To end off...

FAT CONVERSATION 0.5 (with muah, quite some time ago...)
Muah: WL, you put on weight hor
Me: Yah loh... quite a lot leh...
Muah: That pants used to be quite loose on you right?
Me: Yes! Now very tight... can hardly walk haha
.
.
.

SIGH.
Btw... after asking Dad during jogging just now, I'm quite convinced that swimming is gonna make me bulky. Hence to prevent myself from being Singapore's Notre Dame... I'm not doing swims anymore.
hohoho.

Disturbing...

Saw this advert while waiting for the bus yesterday:

"Minds once broadened, can never retain their original confines"

Its actually for MINDEF recruitment for Defense Executive Officers.

Is it me or is that quote disturbing? I can't put a finger on what's wrong.... but somehow the second part of the sentence sounds so odd... does anyone retain confines? Shouldn't it be in the passive form: "be retained in original confines" ?

Was so puzzled that I actually sms-ed Des (because he's working there) to ask him to explain the quote.
He said something along that line : that minds would not be naive once they are exposed to new things/information

I replied that i just had to ask him coz it sounded so weird. Think he didn't really appreciate me saying that, but well...

The person who came up with that line is probably feeling so proud of himself/herself. Afterall it did sound kinda bombastic ya? haha! (i hope Des was not the one who came up with it!!!)

ANyWayz ... its really nothing important... i'm so duh...

Power of the Gaze

Was on the cab the other day and happened to spot a person at the bus-stop.
He had this weird afro hair on his extremely chinese head.
Somehow, coincidentally we caught each other's eye. He was looking back at me (although my cab was travelling)
At that point of time, i was wondering: What could he be thinking when he saw me looking at him?
Was he thinking "Hey, i know my hair is real cool. I can see that it caught your attention."
Or could he be thinking "Jeez, i know its a bad hair day", then start soothing his hair down... ?

For plain-looking people like myself, when i happen to see someone's gaze on me, most of the time i'll be thinking "Is there something on my face?" or maybe "What?! Is my top very ugly?"

What about those I'm-gorgeous-and-I-know-it-and-I-know-you-think-i'm gorgeous too- type? What's going on in their minds? Are they swooning over the gazes they are receiving?

Then again, sometimes a person's gaze just falls on another human being simply because there is no other place to fix the eye.

Port Dickson-Pretty much a road trip

I'm Back!
Quite bushed after 3 days of "holiday"
This short trip consisted of E & ZK, D & myself

Friday
We set off at about 9am towards Tuas Checkpoint. JAM. For almost an hour...
Zoomed off when we reached the expressway
Finally reached Port Dickson at around 4plus. After putting down our stuff, we're off again...looking for the TOWN of Port Dickson... It was definitely no Orchard Road... We then went to the supermarket to grab some stuff.

We had dinner at Mexican restaurant near our resort. Tried sthing called Fajita which is more or less making my own Pita (poh pia) Taste pretty good, i must say.

Mexican Restaurant

Went back to the resort after dinner and had wanted to go to the pool... but it closes at 7pm! Duh... So went dip water in the sea instead. The sky was absolutely gorgeous- so many stars! Nice, bright and clear and dotted across the entire sky. This could never happen at beaches in Singapore coz its far too bright here...

Went back- had red wine and some snacks.


Saturday
Woke up at 5.56am according to my hp.. *yawn* All the rest are still asleep and I simply couldn't sleep anymore..
So took camera and decided to try snapping some pictures ...

Moon at 6.00 am and Moon again at at 6.30am

(gave up trying to upload more photos....)

D woke up at 7 plus. At least I have company! Haha... watched cartoon for a while and went for bfast at about 9. Watched this really stupid show called "Evil Woman" on TV. Had wanted to go for a morning swim, but pool too crowded la. Went for buffet breakfast, but it was nothing compared to those international ones we expect in other beach resorts. They didn't even asked for our breakfast coupons. We had to ASK to pay... gosh. We were just too honest haha. D and I then took a short walk around the condo.. and sea... nothing very much really... Sand was pretty coarse and there was not much of a view.

We just stoned and watched TV (boring) while waiting for the other 2 to wake up, which was 12pm ... by then me and D were starting to fall zZzz ...

Plans for the day- HUNT for Pedas Hot Spring which is probably about 30km or further away from our resort. Not knowing the way, we just drove around,asking for directions.
Was on the road for about 4-5 hrs ... and we still didn't find the hot spring
Finally, we found this "re shui hu" (hot water bottle..according to one of the person we asked for direction...)... Its actually just a fishpond-like thingy. Water is ReALLY hot. But its still a far cray from the nature, waterfall-like hot spring we were imagining...

pathetic "hot spring"

beautiful landscape

Went back to resort to wait for sunset... (still no swim, in case we missed sunset..) actually could have gone la.. coz we waited for quite a while. Anywayz, some pretty nice pictures taken. But was abit freaked out when my Ixus went dead after taking the sun pictures. Everything was bLACK. No matter which ISO or mode i used... thought dieded liao.. like my camera offended the sun or sthing...

Anywayz, some shots on how the salted egg yolk disappeared...

At nite, we had dinner at this TOM YAM place. Nicest soup i have drank in a long time... not those sweet kind of soup we have in Singapore. Sour and spicy, just nice. And they fried Kailan in salted fish. YUMMY! The beehoon goreng and kway teow were pretty nice too. All for 34RM divided by 4... its only abt 17 Sing dollars for 4 persons.
Went to stall next door to buy fruits. Bought this HUGE halved watermelon. Plus some logans.
Returned to resort and tried to do some work on my laptop. But was snoozing in front of it by 11 plus.

CONCUSSED.

Sunday
Wakey early again at 7 or so... went to make myself coffee and did a little bit of work. FOrtunately D woke up at 8 plus. So had company again. Watched a series of cartoons (finally some decent ones...) Oggy and the Cockroachs, Mr Bean and Ne Zha in MALAY. E and ZK woke up at ard 11 plus. Slightly earlier haha!
We drove to Melaka which was about 86km away when we started... D took the wheels all the way there... must be really tiring...
We had intended to eat chicken rice but Had Ba Kut Teh there instead(Hokkien style) It tasted slightly herbal. A little funny...

Heading Back to Singapore... and to our horror JAM even before we reached expressway.
We were stuck for almost an hour... D who still was driving had to accelerate and brake repeatedly... felt bad that i couldn't help to drive despite having a license, skills far to rusty! Realised later that the jam was not due to expressway. traffic lights spoilt! JEEZ!

Smooth on expressway. But really had trouble trying to keep awake while watching the straight road ahead... D drove almost 200km non-stop. Zzzz

Finally reached Tuas at about 9pm... Luckily there was no jam, hence went through customs quickly

D drove back to my place. And then had dinner with me while E & ZK drove back first...
Nice little chat over "dinner" at the prata place. Though i was also grousing over the yaya-papaya pple at the prata place... GrRrrR

I commented "Hope u come back spotting a nice tan!" She'll be really disapointed haha.

New Life?

By the time this entry is up, it would have broken the record for last year (2006)
Its only April and I already have more posts than the whole of last year. Ho ho ho
Getting more talkative or what?
Hoping and crossing my fingers that this is a good sign, that at least for this year, it can continue to be a good one!

And today shall officially be the day- NIE is OVER. FInished. Period.
So if I pass every single shitty assignment and quiz, I'm done with full-time work and part-time studies!*Applause*

Somehow both I & R were feeling kind of depressed after our very last lecture yesterday. They did enjoy DISE... For myself, I wouldn't say that attending lectures and hanging out with these people were without pleasure... but more relief than sadness felt, definitely. We did make plans to meet up, just have dinner and chit-chat once in a while. Hope it won't be the kind friendship which just drifts, fades and disappears...

Is this a beginning to my NEW life after 2 years? haha

But think i need to spot a new attitude first... to utilise the "extra" time on my hands.

Still haven't finished updating Port Dickson Trip...
and still coming up with my new list of "To-dos" after NIE... haah

Whoop. Yippeee!

Mad Rush

GoSH
This week has been sucha sinful one...
I'm going away for the weekned in 1.5 hrs and i haven't packed!
Went for Dinner with J and LH, only got to know that we're leaving at 8am last night (at 10pm!)
By the time i got home, was so ragged that i was sleeping on my sis' bedroom floor.
ANd can you believe it... it was showing "The Importance of Being Earnest" on Channel 5!!! BUT. I was simply too tired to enjoy the dialogue. =/ So went to sleep instead. Sigh! Maybe i should casually mention some show i wanna watch again, maybe Channel 5 can so hear it.

Trying to dload all the files needed so that i can at least get some stuff done over the weekend... though its supposed to be the holidays... can't just dump work aside...nOT that i will get lots done... more of a security and guilt thing... and knowing me, i'll return and concuss again on Sunday...
(had 40% quiz yesterday.. and think i studied only for less than 1 hr...)
The sky can fall and i can sleep. Not sure whether its a blessing or curse.

ANywayz.. gotta go, may everyone have a great long weekend!

Yum Yum

Although it's supposed to be a BUSY BUSY WEEK... I've been naughty =/
ANd here I am, wanting to write them down first... Shall make it quick...

Monday
Went shopping with Sis on Monday at Suntec & we kinda swiped our cards more often that we've envisaged...but well, we do NEED some of those things. Swimsuit for example... my old one was falling apart mah!
Had Kenny Rogers. Loved the macaroni and cheese + the corn muffin.
ANywayz, SHE was saying that we should go out shopping like once every 2 months and i was like... y.u.p... we'll see about that.. i'm not sure if my card can stand the pressure haha!

Tuesday
D suggested going for dessert at this dessert place called Canele near Mohd Sultan Road because one of his friends is a pastry chef there. (Apparently, its the first dessert branch from the Le Amis Group) Small nice place (though COLD!) with lotsa yummy cakes and dessert. They also make their own ice-cream.
We had, with recommendations chosen 2 cakes...
Coffe Noir, a macha cake with almond. D also ordered some sandwiches (just with eggs and ham but they tasted so darn good!) His friend made us crepes with earl grey ice-cream. Later, we were treated with another chocolate cake because it was not sliced nicely in the kitchen haha! Unfortunately, couldn't make they sound as divine as they tasted... cos I'm just no foodie! And i have forgotten to take photos! =(
First time to a finer dessert place and I couldn't remember to take some pictures. Sigh. There goes my thousand words.
Btw, both of us were so sua ku. When the sandwich came, we were going: How to eat huh. Same reaction when the crepe came. Well, we're so not made up of high life. Think we had better stick to hawker centres haha

After 'dessert', we were looking for a place to have a cuppa. Ended up at Clarke Quay. Was reminded that the last time I was there was actually one whole year plus ago... to celebrate hui's bday?

Blurred our faces in case you ladies din wanna be published...

MONDAYs, very the BLUE

SIGH.
Its Monday again... and I'm so dreading it...
Although its actually quite a moderate day in school for me coz there's Computer and P.E, I still hate Mondays!
Somehow, D seems to be the only one working person i know who has no problems with Mondays. Was slightly motivated for a while.. yeah, for about 10 minutes? Sigh!

SIgh

SIGh

SIGH

In my opinion, we should only have 4 working days each week.
People, quality, not quantity!

*Glum*

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Wah
Quite a productive day for the WebQuest Project... did more than i envisaged, so am in a good mood... only downside of the day- rain.
This implies No jogging, which implies more fatty.
ANywayz...
Been trying to arrange dates with friends.
Wanna meet up but well ... BUSY BUSY everyone

Was telling D the other day how difficult it is to meet up with friends these days. He said to meet to them individually loh. Good idea actually... since it has been getting increasingly difficult to coordinate gathering time. But then again, think few would want to just see ME.

Some ladies too busy . As for YJ, its funny! He said he was 'paiseh' (erm) to meet me coz i frankly told him that he used to treat me like shit haha
I think he's prob just fearful of meeting up. He did mention b4 that he's worried that we would have nothing to talk to each other about as we have not seen each other in years.
Well, but our usual clique- QX and S are unlikely to want to meet up too- QX hates me. YJ has no lost love for S.
Erm yeah. So maybe we'll never see one another ever again.
>>>JM & SH: Why did we do that made our (ex)friends hate us?! haha

And somehow, i was never ever in a class where people love one another enough to want to have class gatherings!
6A- well...?
1C,2C- what's that fellow's name?
3G, 4G- dream on and on...
A13- difficult la...

Singapore is so tiny.
Yet finding time to get together is so tough. Then again... erm ..why did i go on and on about this huh...Sometimes do wonder... why is it that we should bother to meet up with friends?
In the past, it was just him him him. When he took off, it was just plain sucky. But friends stuck around... family was around...
Perhaps one other individual can never complete another.
I do feel good after hanging out with friends or just a group of people (like YCK pple and colleagues) Sometimes company makes you feel more alive. Chatting and hearing ideas (or simple senseless talk) bounce off people can be therapeutic i guess.

Maybe i'm a little more Gemini than i think afterall...

Good looks, terrible rears

Morning musings...

Wondering if it was me but seemed to have seen more than my fair share of horrible drivers and pedestrians on the road yesterday. So for the time i was on the road... its plenty of frowning and internal tsk-ing...

Went tiong bahru last night after work to do a stupid project with A. We were at Coffee Bean and just couldn't access to internet! Kinda a wasted trip but we did get something done la...
Digressed, as we always do, i began to tell her about his guy i saw on the train. He was tall enough, clear tanned skin and a really good looking face, almost like Daniel Henney (from My Lovely Samsoon). He was quite pleasing on the eye... until at some point, he turned around and i saw his ass. I'm sorry... but... that was really a terrible rear. He had ok shoulders, though not too broad (is evident that he goes for workouts). But his rear was hardly those you would see on V-shaped body kind. Its just pretty large, not perky...ANYWAYZ
Was i being more critical because he was so good-looking? i dunno... but after spotting his rear... it sorta did a mosaic on this face...
ANyhow, our topic shifted to physique. We concluded that soccer players have the best physique as they use most parts of their bodies and do alot of squats (according to A) Basketball players? Often long beansprouts, slightly slouchy... Swimmers? Lean with broad-shoulders, but waist super small. Butt often flat too (according to A). That's about it.

Anywayz...on the train back home 2 guys caught my attention. Tall, lean, almond-shaped eyes leaning against the glass. Another one... prob middle-aged guy. No great bod definitely, but he's got this strong face. Tanned, with interesting features. I thought it was a day of "good-looking guys" ... 3 in a day. That's quite a lot by Singapore's standard haha!
The lean guy got off at Chinese Garden stop as well... and jeez. He's got absolutely NO rear. He looked like he was wearing size 24 jeans though he must be at least 20-30cm taller than me...

Okie... Maybe I was simply in a rudely critical mood yesterday... its as if my senses were more alert and i was noticing stuff more strongly... Not sure whether i was over-staring... but thought a few pple on the train (whom i threw casts at) did look at me oddly (as if saying " we know you're looking") haha whatever... Do you think everyone has times when their senses were extremely sharp? It did feel so ... erm.
Maybe it's just because I, R, A and me talked too much rubbish over lunch after classes. Gonna miss that.
Shall write more about them next time lest i forget as we part...

Disclaimer:
This is written from observation. No malice intended. I am not a shallow pig who only focuses on looks. It just happened to be the topic of the day k. So defensive. Afterall. I myself am a short fat blimp... shouldn't say too much =p haha!

Life After NIE (A Projection)

Had dinner with SH at JP just now, HX came along too. We ate this chicken and bacon sandwich at Subway... according to SH, it tasted funny- too salty? Coincidentally, M walked passed and sat down with us for a while. Also saw 2 other RV pple from my batch. Well, guess JP/JE are like the playgrounds of ex-Rvians... The west side peeps...

Anyway, great to see the ladies coz it has been some time... Friendship really can't be taken for granted. Like any other relationships, it has to be maintained. Somehow, so much have changed over the years, and we were musing over how we had no friends left .. haha
Happened to be reading this novel ...and thought this is somewhat relevant:
" ...friends take as much work as a marriage, and the advantage of making the effort with them is that they stick around because they want to, not because of some bloody meaningless certificate. "
Guess i didn't do enough to make friends wanna stick around, and i don't even give out certificates, darn!


Hmm... had wanted to talk about life after NIE ... haha
Its kinda surreal, but in about 2 weeks time, my full-time work/part-time studies life would be over (at least for the time being). For 2 whole years, I have been dripping with work and this kind of life will be over soon... Think it just means that i have more time to procrastinate haha!

Well, actually had quite a lot of plans in mind after NIE and i'm hoping that they all materialise! (provided that i stop procrastinating...) Here it goes:

1. Finish ALL my admin work and organise messy workplace, messy room, messy thumbdrive, messy laptop,messy whatever

2. Learn piano> MUST

3. Travel. Somewhere

4. Exercise a lot more (wait for me M! I'm returning to your classes soon!)

5. Bake / Cook regularly

6. Help in fav and xy's business?

7. Sesame streetamise my class

8. Finish lesson plan by Saturdays

9. Tuition?

10. Others (take photos for sch database, CCA stuff, weekly exercise? etc)

Well... anyhow life after NIE may feel abit odd at first (will miss my coursemates) but I am excited... extra 12 hrs per week, not including misc time spent on assignments... GOlly!
=)

Addiction

Its abit incredulous, even to myself...
while i have published only 3 new posts for this month... (this being the 4th)
i have about 6 other drafts ...
random ramblings still sitting and unrevealed to the world... hahah
Why do i have so much to 'complain' about recently huh...
Have I not been talking enough?
Or is it a case of addiction?

If only i can be addicted to my work loh...

Btw, 5th one coming up. haha!

The Importance of Being Earnest

Remembered having read in P's blog that goes sthing like that- If there are no new updates on one's blog, it either means that he/she is too busy, or it simply means that everything is alright in his/her life. Which in both cases are actually good ya...

Writing here again, i guess, doesn't mean that there are major upsets now... Perhaps need to find a little bit of myself back... maybe it just means doing something different rather than browsing through friendster (frankly i'm sick of it, but i have no other computer-based distracters) plus the fact that my laptop does not have zuma... wanting to "run away" from work sometimes is quite impossible... and yeah, the blogs i happen to be reading don't get updated that often... So yay, update my own blog then! how absolutely exciting...

The Importance of Being Ernest is one of my favourite Victorian age movie (haven't actually read the book...) with all the fluff and English accent. All the pompous witty verbal bantering... hohoho, i like...
I have no idea why i'm talking about it ... it just popped into my head.
You get the idea- boredom renders one illogical and irrelevant

BUt anywayz, it is very important to be earnest ya?

right.

p/s: i have no idea that i have so much to ramble about..
Since we're on the topic of victorian age... repression?

A Load of Bleh

Not sure what's wrong with me also
Unmotivated.
Like a dull pulse drumming away...
Feel really guilty that i am not doing more at work or NIE... I have NO IDEA what I'm doing.
i swear that my life and schedule is pretty much the same... We don't see each other that often, nor do we talk much on phone or online...
What is it then?

A thought suddenly struck me that day on the cab "Could it be that i cannot commit to anything/anyone for more than 3 years?"
I must say that Varsity days were probably the best years... but the last semester was really a struggle. My previous r/ship didn't last beyond 3 years too.
And now, its as if my energy and enthusiasm for my job is starting to wane ( 2.5 years.. approaching 3 years mark)
What's happening?!
I still love my kids, love my colleagues, love my school... love seeing them laugh and love how they make me laugh...
Yet... feel so weary and dreary at times.
Was it that i didn't do enough, hence the reluctance to face them?
Or was it that i am really done with this...
Really hope not, coz i still have 2 years of bond to go... jeez
Do i need something new?
Or should i just slap myself silly, and simply get my ass moving?!

Have also mentioned to a couple of friends that i feel as if i've lost part of me... or lost stuff ( whatever that is) along the way...
Emotions/compassion/passion (whatever) just goes dripping and leaking like a old knackered tanker as i trudged along...
Somehow lost the capacity to really think... all internal wonders or wanders are senseless without any conclusion, with no destination in mind...

Have absolutely no idea what i'm driving at too
Whoa, look at all the metaphor related to vehicles. Maybe i totally dig a car and i din realise it?! haha ... yeah right
crap

Disgusting (common) Warts

Spotting a wart on my finger. And another huge disgusting one on my toe.
Major turn off...

As defined in Wikipedia:

"A wart is generally a small, rough tumour, typically on hands and feet, that resembles a cauliflower. Warts are common, and are caused by a viral infection, specifically by the human papillomavirus (HPV). They typically disappear after a few months but can last for years and can reoccur. A few papillomaviruses are known to cause cancer. Certain types of warts, depending on location and cause, can be contagious from region to region, but are not transferable between species."


Should have gotten it removed long ago... classic example of how procrastination causes a build-up of problems... the burden gets bigger and larger and more disgusting. So much so that you can't even bear to look at it anymore...

Yet... this procrastinator is still procrastinating. Will this idiot never learn her lesson?! Grrr

Anywayz... some action has finally been taken... can only hope that they disappear after a few treatments... which still means a huge hole in my pocket also. Sigh.

Handsomely rewarded

Saw Elvin Ng today! Was jogging with Dad and ta-da!

Have not found any male artiste from TCS drool-worthy since Chew Chor Meng (that was when we were both young haha). Although it was only for that brief 2 seconds....

well.. had alot to say while i was drooling and star-struck. now... hmm nothing.

Moment has passed i guess.

WOmen have the right to be temperamental, period.

The day to remember, cherish and hold.

Still unsure how it happened.
But it did.
Still unsure how it will turn out.
But i'll find out.
Still unsure if it will last.
But i'll try hard.
Still sure am scared.
But i'll try hard.

To be happy

3 questions to ask yourself:
1. What is the most important time?
2. Who is the most important person?
3. What is the most important thing?

Answers:
1. Now.
2. The person you are with then and there.
3. To love. (the person/persons you are with then and there)

Apparently, we'll always be happy and contented if we could live by these.

Twists of fate...

Really don't understand how fate works.
Really don't know how 'fate' eludes certain people while others just have it fall on the lap so unexpectedly.
To the unsuspecting one... fate charges and rages on....
To the thinking being... it bobs away...

What the heck is the world coming to...
Why does fate make fun of people so...?

Jittery jitters

Its the second day of January.Weather is still fine.
Had this silly choya-ing session over msn with my fellow zhuz... almost forgot how silly laughter and simple games can be so much fun

Haven't had this kind of feeling in a long time... bittersweet, stomach-scratching. icy-cold sensations...

Tomorrow is the very first day of school...
Getting these jitters again... WIll my teeny boppers torture me tmr? Boo hoo...
Shivered when i was a student... SHivering again as a teacher... Will this never end...
school blues...

Year 2007

2006 had really been a rotten year. Be it work, money, relationships...
And it has finally come to an end!
Survived Christmas and New Year. Even managed to have a great time. =)
In retrospect... while 2006 was darn crappy... I've learnt many lessons along the way...
Learnt that I have allowed myself to be so absorbed in a relationship that I've neglected my friends, family, kids and colleagues...
Learnt that little things i do can make others happy... and that i haven't been doing...
Learnt that i have been too self-centred for very long...
Learnt that freedoom is a great thing
Learnt that I should never allow myself to be dependent on anyone again...

Hope that I will never repeat those mistakes again...
And hope that i can remember to spread my love and care around...

Actually... i realised that it has been hard, coz I haven't felt sad in ages. Guess for that, I have him to thank. Despite everything, those 2 years plus with him have been wonderful. To be fair... he has treated me so well... and I'm not sure i can find someone who loves me for exactly who i am again, whether fat or square, stupid or whiny... It was only that one fatal mistake...
If i hadn't been happy for the past years, i wouldn't be reduced to shatters ya hehe
No, I haven't completely forgiven nor forgotten... but hopefully it shows that i'm ready to move on.

It was raining so hard this very day in 2006... pathetic fallacy ? We used to say in literature...
It was bitter and painful this very day in 2006. Ominous... or foreshadowing of a bad year...? We used to say in literature...
The weather is lovely this very day in 2007.
It has been beautiful and hopeful this very day in 2007.

Was surprised by a sudden turn in events... Still not sure whether things will work out... but at least i can believe that there is still a glimmer of hope in this world...

Finally, would like to thank all the friends who stayed by my side...wouldn't have made it past this year if not for the people around me...

I guess, after having survived the rotten stuff in that rotten year, I can finally smile and declare that they are blessings in disguise.

I hope ...

Rants in Chants

Unable
is prose
is feeling
are sentences

Broken
are words
are thoughts
is heart

Trickled
are dwellings
are swellings
is hurt

Pitied
is me
is time
are them

Dreamt
are things
are materials
is size

Denied
are hopes
are senses
is it

Finished
is strength
is cash
is this

Hope?

Christmas is nearing and I am fearful.

Choke-inducing incidents:
1. Singing songs about praising the lord during practice
2. Lying on yoga mat and listening to hopeful song today
3. Thinking about how I have let my kiddies down
4. Wondering if S would ever learn how to choose
5. Laying fingers on the digital piano
6. Wanting to confide that he was of the same name
7. Reading "Brand New Friend"
8. Having doubts that hope will ever return.


Heartening matters:
1. Talking to P
2. Talking to JM
3. Talking to YJ
4. Talking and shopping with Glad
5. Having tea yet again at Bakerzin
5. Getting most of the stuff for new classroom
7. Getting presents for kid & volunteer
8. Receiving invitation to go for Christmas musical
9. Looking at my kiddies photos
10. Dreaming about my new camera
11. Seeing my favourite cute-from-afar instructor
12. Buying (and eating) Marks and SPencers digestive biscuits
13. Thinking about next gym session

More happy moments then!

Wounds

Super clumsy today.
Slammed my knee against the drawers in the morning.
Wasn't that bad but it bled.

Punctured my toe again in the afternoon when i opened the door.
Wasn't that bad, but bled again.

2 gapping wounds in one day ... am i stupid or am i stupid?!!

Went jogging later in the night ... ( My greatest enemy must be eliminated)
Hobbled down the stairs and was internally whining... perhaps i couldn't jog afterall...

Silly poignant thoughts intruded after the 3rd kilometre...
One doesn't feel the pain nor think about the wounds when one is focused on something. ( my focus is finishing at least 4km). Somehow, it hurts when i was thinking about my bloody wounds when coming down the stairs... but the wounds didn't matter when i was concentrating on keeping alive while jogging haha

Guess when we keep poking at the wounds, keep thinking about the pain, the blood, the open flesh, it just makes the pain worse... Self-pity and whining don't help a tad...
Perhaps i should take a firmer stand... have new resolutions... find new hobbies... do more constructive stuff...

The wounds should hurt less.. each time i remember to think about it...
One day, we shall all be pleasantly surprised that they don't hurt anymore...

Didn't manage to express what i was really thinking. Darn... disintegrating expressive language. Ha ha ha. Whatever la.

A day to remember

7th October 2006
Was a good day to remember.

Digression.
A lecturer told us to make a timeline for our own lives. We were to write down significant or life-changing events since we were born.
Realised at the end of the activity, I've written down events that were mainly negative... things that got me down, things that made me the unworthy person i am today.
Took a look at my course mate's timeline... and they consisted of mainly the good stuff...
I felt kinda saddened ... and almost ashamed at how unappreciative of my own life i am, and how sore a person i am...
Its rather ironic... i've always thought myself as an optimistic and easygoing person... why then... really not sure myself...
... ... ... ...
perhaps all i did was allow myself sink deeper each time something nasty happens. And when the next nasty thing comes along... i don't feel it as much? hah *shrugs*

ANyway... guess the point is... i should really try to think of the good things and remember them...
SO here it goes...

7th Oct is a good day because:
1) I slept loads
2) PQ smsed me for Pri sch friends gathering
3) J is back from China and sms me for dinner
4) Met some JC classmates at HC for MAF
5) Was not impatient when mom asked me abt her HP
6) 2 people decided to give it another try
7) Talked to friends on MSN

Guess... was glad that i'm not alone.
There are so many other people and things i should treasure and care about...

Remember the good times, forget the bad...

Right brainer

You Are 30% Left Brained, 70% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

addictive hee hee!

The Movie Of Your Life Is A Cult Classic

Quirky, offbeat, and even a little campy - your life appeals to a select few. But if someone's obsessed with you, look out! Your fans are downright freaky. Your best movie matches: Office Space, Showgirls, The Big Lebowski

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

so am i :D

Your Summer Ride is a Beetle Convertible

Fun, funky, and a little bit euro. You love your summers to be full of style and sun!

What's Your Summer Ride?

I wished

how i wished
it wasn't so hard
to curb the desire to watch u drive away.

i wished i didn't

Who will wait for u

There are possibly only THREE kinds of men who will wait for you when you jog.

Type 1:
THe rare nice guy friend. Platonic. Most probably homosexual.

Type 2:
The guy with a motive- eg. He is after u.

Type 3:
Your Dad.

All by myself

Frustrated.
Cos monitor said "No video input"
No matter how i jiggled or coaxed... no response
Opened the casing.
realised that video card has fallen off.
Tried to fix it.
Needed external help.
Still frustrated.

Finally worked.

I know that i'll have to settle all these myself in the future.
Its not gonna be easy
But eventually it'll work.

The Devil in Us

Struck by a thought. Probably nothing new... but enough to HAVE to write it somewhere at this very instant.

We are so evil.

Was recalling conversation with HX ysty. Laments on how people are selfish. How people can grow to be self-centred, or "less good" as we age...

No one taught us to be selfish
No one taught us to harbour bad thoughts
No one taught us to cheat to betray
No one taught us not to be caring and kind
No one taught us how to be self-centred
No one taught us to be proud
No one taught us to cry and scream
No one taught us to blame
No one taught us how to hate

On the contrary,

We learn how to be selfless and helpful
We learn how to care for others
We learn how to be kind
We learn that we should think good of others
We learn how to be humble
We learn how to curb and control our tempers
We learn how to empathise and understand
We learn how to be good lovers.

Is that why we have MORAL education in schools? To reverse all the evil innate in us all...
Is that why our kindness have to be evoked during those charity shows?
We seldom think of the sick, the old, the poor, the disabled until they appear on tv shows or appear on the streets.

Its quite interesting to be fully convinced that we are so evil by nature. Some religion have of course said that of men long before. But due to the lack of faith, it never really strike a chord.
Its almost like...
If my intelligence is only 90, i can only learn so much academic stuff in life... OR if i met with lousy teachers all my life, maybe i'll be less "clever"...
So if my evilness level is high, there's nothing much those education and prep talk and moral lesson can do ya?

It doesn't mean that I am an exceptionally bad person. It just means that the "moral education" i had in my life is not that fantastic?

Yay, so it feels quite ok to be evil ... haha


This topic brings me to another conversation I had with WW ages ago...
Was wondering whether monogamy is unnatural. All human beings are probably borned fickle and meant to be polygamous. Monogamy is invented by this society because it SEEMS correct and nice. Hmm.. nice

haha.. but all these are so pointless *yawn*

Society is a constract after all...

Final thoughts:
THe world is a simple place. The evil society complicates it.
Life is just a simple thing. Human minds glorify it.

blessed and safe

Not quite sure how to start. Has stopped for so long...
Guess i wanted to say thanks to lots of people... and I feel blessed and safe. Blessed coz i know i have friends who care. Safe coz i know i'll be protected...

To the first person i told - thanks for being there. Don't think you didn't know what to say or wasn't of help. It helped, a great great deal.

To the one who "wasn't worried" - I received the RENT! And your perceptions were greatly satisfying and comforting. Thanks for being a prick. haha

To the one who's worried i'm in denial - I hope i'm not. I know you care... I believe i'll be find. Maybe i'm trying to revolutionising this period of unhappiness. I know i'll be fine!

To the one who is ever so logical - i guess you're right. And yes there are lots more people who are hungry and dying. Thanks for being there whenever this shit happens. heh

To the one who has the same strong instincts - I'm grateful that you are always making the effort. I'm glad i'll always have u...

To the one who is probably so angry for my sake - I'll continue to be strong! And yes darling, we need to get a life =p

To those i haven't told... think there wasn't an opportunity to do so
To those who wanna marry me, let me caution u- there's already a queue. (haha... actually i'm always the one who asked pple to propose)

By the way... noticed how it rained cats and dogs a few days ago? And now the weather is much better?

TOld u heaven is my good old friend.

heaven knows

how can you bear to rain?
when heaven,has on your behalf done so
for these 2 days.

thanks heaven
heaven knows.

2006

Rain.
Watch it gush.
Threads of slivery lines,
Downwards, a frantic rush.

Tears.
Feel them flow
Streams of hot bath,
Downwards, trickling slow.

Thunder.
Hear it rumble.
Strongly it resonates
Cower, watch me tumble

Heart.
Feel it fumble.
Heated thumps of ache,
Cower, watch me crumble.

Rainbow.
See its colours hold.
Lovely against dark sky,
Across, and bottom a pot of gold?

Hope.
Allow its swell.
Gold, shining and warm
Across your heart, believe, you will be well.

Hymn of Promise

In the bulb there is a flower
In the seed, an apple tree
In cocoons, a hidden promise
Butterflies will soon be free!
In the cold and snow of winter
There's a spring that waits to be,
Unrevealed until its season,
Something God alone can see

There's a song in every silence
Seeking word and melody
There's a dawn in every darkness,
Bringing hope to you and me
From the past will come the future
What it holds, a mystery,
Unrevealed until its season
Something God alone can see

In our end is our beginning
In our time, infinity
In our doubt there is believing,
In our life, eternity
In our death, a resurrection
At the last, the victory,
Unrevealed until its season
Something God alone can see